Ex used prostitution - will this affect custody arrangement?

[Havanawinter]

I recently found out my long term partner (note: not husband) has been cheating with a prostitute. I’m wondering, just anecdotally, how a judge would see this information in a child custody hearing? I’m obviously furious with him and making plans to leave but I’m trying to scope out my options first. I guess what I’m asking is, does the reason for the split matter or do they purely look at the practicalities and emotional well-being of the children? I want the kids to be well adjusted and settled as my top priority and if 50-50 was deemed the best for them I would of course do that.

However, I am the primary care giver, I do all the school/nursery runs and pick ups, I cook the meals, sort the washing, look after the toddler on my own 2 days a week. I can support us financially.

I’m really not trying to be spiteful and actually he’s asked me to keep the prostitute part private, but he’s also indicating he will fight me for custody.

No it won't.
CAO are based ont he child's best interests and this doesn't have an effect on the child.

Also can you prove it?

I can’t imagine it would really have much sway at all. If anything, it could backfire on you, making you look bitter and difficult bringing it up. It’s repulsive behaviour but I can’t see how it has any effect on how he raises his children.

The reason for the split doesn't matter. (I'm assuming that the children weren't present when he used prostitutes)
Hopefully his keenness to keep it private will mean that he won't mess you around financially or practically.

It's very unlikely to have any bearing presuming the sex worker was over 18.
However why the hell should you have to keep this quiet? This is part of your story too; it's the reason (maybe one of many) they you're splitting. You do not owe him discretion.

I do have proof yes, and she definitely looks over 18 (by about 30 years or so!) but I’m really not keen to get spiteful. I actually don’t want to have to raise it if I don’t have to and it looks like there wouldn’t be any point in doing so. I don’t want the kids ever knowing what their dad did. These answers are really helpful and I appreciate the quick replies :)

No, they will not give one iota of a crap.

Don't stand in the way of his access to the children, it will only go against you.

Focus yourself 100% on your children and how they can get the most out of their time with him. That's your role as a mother in this situation and it's that simple.

No, the courts won't care. Unfortunately it isn't illegal to solicit the services of a prostitute

Unfortunately it won't make a difference.

I say unfortunately because I genuinely believe that a "good" father wouldn't be seeking out a vulnerable woman to pay for him to use for sex. That's not the kind of role model I think is appropriate for children and the disgusting morals that he has is really not the level I'd want to set for my kids. But, no it won't make a difference in the child arrangements.

I don't think op is thinking of denying her ex access- she just wants custody.

Sorry, yes, I should have been clearer; I’m not interested in denying him access to his children. I just want primary custody because I think it’s genuinely in the best interest of the children.

Nope I can say with absolute certainty the courts won't care one jot.

It will make no difference to who your ex has sex with you would just come across as vindictive

My ex husband likes to use sex toys. I raised this in child custody proceedings when we separated, as I do not think it is appropriate behaviour to have around children. He was not denied access.

Unfortunately, the courts do not see these behaviours for what they are and nobody will give a single solitary shit that your stbex partner has done this.

I’m sorry for what has happened to you, OP. Good luck with your separation.

Sex toys?! WTF?! Unless there is a massive drip feed sex toys are absolutly fine and do not have any baring on a person's parenting. I hope the judge put you in your place.

Good God!!!! Is he displaying the sex toys on the living room wall..... Who gives a shit?

My ex husband likes to use sex toys. I raised this in child custody proceedings when we separated, as I do not think it is appropriate behaviour to have around children. He was not denied access.

Are you for real?!!! What about the millions of parents on here who use sex toys: should they all lose their kids ?

And no op, he's a shit for cheating on your but visiting a sex worker is not illegal and assuming he didn't take the kids along why on earth would you raise it?!

He says don't mention the prostitution and then says he'll fight you for custody. Guess what I'd be doing.....yes, telling everyone.
I have a poor view of anyone who threatens to take my child away from me.