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Lone parents

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Original poster

Handover concerns

13 replies

xx200xx · 09/07/2023 20:48

So gonna try and make this short.

My son who is 1 has just started seeing his father and grandfather after a few months. The court order states 2 hours to start of with and moves up every 4 weeks.

My sons grandfather keeps making little comments that the reason my son is crying when I pick him up is because he's coming home to me. Today grandfather wrote that my son cry's every time he gets returned to mum in the handover book.

The reason for my son crying is because they put my 1 year old in the front of the car and my son loves the play around with the steering wheel, so when it's time to come to me he don't want to because he wants to play in the car. This is becoming a regular thing, that when it's pickup time they will put my son straight in the front of the car and then hand him over crying. I feel like it's purposely being done to make my son cry to make out he don't want to come with me. You would think they would stop putting him in the car knowing it causes distress.

I'm just really worried the courts will think that my som isnt happy coming home with me, as we are back in September to court to discuss overnight contact. But now im very worried that there gonna give childs father custody as childs father and grandfather are saying my child is upset to come back home to me???

Hope this makes sense

OP posts:

Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 09/07/2023 20:52

Is your ds in an appropriate car seat op? No court would be interested dc cries on return. Lots of toddlers don't want to leave day care and go home. Doesn't mean much imo.
They are just trying to intimidate you. Isn't anyone else able to do handovers? Keep a diary of all they say to you. Bad mouthing you even to a very young dc won't be seen well by a court...

lightbulbmom · 09/07/2023 20:58

I second the documenting all interactions. Date and time everything. That way you have evidenced everything.

Original poster

xx200xx · 09/07/2023 21:12

Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 09/07/2023 20:52

They are not driving anywhere with him so he don't have a car seat, they take him out in the community. So when they get back to pickup location they are going in the front of the car knowing my son won't want to get out.

I'm gonna document everything. But with the grandfather writing petty comments in hand over book, that won't look good in court will it?

OP posts:

TickingKey46 · 13/07/2023 07:47

I think you need to try and counter act it. Make the return to your house exciting and positive. Eg set up a game or put chairs together and make a tent. Anything really, even his fav food. Eg a bag of chocolate buttons on return.
You have little if any control on what they choose to do, but you can still try and make the hand over as positive as possible.
I would also write a polite note back in the communication book regarding the child sitting in the front of the car and how he always crys. It's important to document these kind of things. It proves you're trying to work with them in the best interests of your child.
Children cry all the time at change over its a very tough time for children. If it does continue it proves that his father and grandfather aren't putting the child's needs first their also not in tune with him. But honestly I doubt the courts will take any notice.

Pawpatrolsucks · 13/07/2023 07:50

I think it’s just an attempt at making you look bad. I would bribe him with a chocolate frog. Just ignore the comments.

Original poster

xx200xx · 13/07/2023 10:57

They caused an argument yesterday because I didn't give them an extra 2 hours due to a court order being in place.
Childs father started swearing at me and wouldn't move away even tho there is a non molestation in place. grandad was telling me I'm unreasonable and both said I won't be my sons main care giver soon. Grandad then took my son out my arms to give his dad a kiss.
Now I'm just so concerned on how they are going to twist this on to me and make me look bad in court as it was 2 of them there and they will both lie to the courts. It's so hard. However I have police seeing me today due to dad breeching the non molestation order.

OP posts:

TickingKey46 · 13/07/2023 11:43

I would keep a diary of all events. Make sure your behaviour is squeaky clean regardless of what they do.
You could install CCTV or a ring door bell (with sound) I've had to do all of this.
The other thing is a dictorphone!
You could also suggest at your next hearing that only one of them collects your son, as it's pretty intimidating having them both there.

DPotter · 13/07/2023 12:00

Is there a friend who would be with you at handover, for moral support and as an independent witness ?

Pawpatrolsucks · 13/07/2023 12:33

can you get an order for the handover to happen at a police station?

NeedToBookAGetaway · 13/07/2023 17:21

Change the collection location to somewhere they can't be near the car. Ie middle of a park, shopping centre or something

NeedToBookAGetaway · 13/07/2023 17:22

Also put phone on record or a cheap dictaphone in your pocket

Original poster

xx200xx · 13/07/2023 20:24

I don't have anyone unfortunately to go with me. However I will ask my solicitor about a different location but because it's court order I'm not to sure.
The police suggested I record in my pocket next time also!

OP posts:

Pawpatrolsucks · 14/07/2023 06:21

I think you can insist on handover happening at a police station if you feel unsafe.

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