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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

With a CMS arrangement can the dad pay for additional costs

44 replies

Bopdebop · 03/07/2023 07:30

My DD turns 17 this month. Their dad pays her maintenance through the CMS at the moment but wants to change to a personal arrangement.

He says the CMS won't allow him to pay extra for her driving lessons (which he says he wants to - which is great).

He is putting pressure on me to go back to a personal arrangement so he can pay for 'extras' for her.

We had a personal arrangement in place before but he was paying less than through the CMS agreement and would not let me see his payslips. So I have had bad experience with this.

Is it true that the CMS prevent a dad from paying for 'extras' such as the odd lipgloss or bigger items like these driving lessons.

OP posts:

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SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 07:34

I don’t know if it’s true that CMS wouldn’t allow the direct amount to go up, but if he wants to pay for driving lessons, surely he just pays the driving school himself? Or maybe they’d do a voucher for 10 lessons or something?!

Original poster

Bopdebop · 03/07/2023 07:40

I don't want any change in her maintenance that comes to me. He just says the CMS looks 'unfavourably' on the dad paying for anything extra as all her costs should come out of the maintenance he pays.

OP posts:

Huckleberries73 · 03/07/2023 07:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 07:42

He is talking BS, then

Usernamesarenoteasy · 03/07/2023 07:42

He can pay you any extra he wants at any time, he'd just have to transfer it to you directly. Not sure whether or not he can add it to the cms payments, but nothing at all to stop him just paying you anything extra directly if he really wanted to.

CallmeIT · 03/07/2023 07:43

No that’s not the case at all. I assume he wants to pay for lessons but then lower the CMS in response (which they wouldn’t allow him to do he couldn’t do, because they wouldn’t take his payments for lessons into account).

SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 07:43

“No thanks, we will continue as we are. The money is for living costs. If you would like to treat DD to lipstick or driving lessons, that is between you and her.”

IceCreamQueen86 · 03/07/2023 07:44

That’s a load of rubbish, he’s having you on OP. Tell him you’ve spoken to the CMS & they said it’s absolutely fine for him to pay extra!

SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 07:46

This is exactly as if you were still together - one of you might choose to buy your kid a lipstick or a t shirt, you might decide jointly that she gets five lessons as a birthday present and the rest comes from savings or whatever.

He is trying to control what you spend money on if he wants to reduce the amount for living costs and direct some to lessons - so that’s him spending your money and getting to feel generous about the lessons!

gogomoto · 03/07/2023 07:46

He could pay his dc directly for whatever he wants but I think at 17 it might be a good time to switch as it is the last year it's compulsory, far better he starts paying them

MrsRickAstley · 03/07/2023 07:48

What an utter load of tosh he's spouting

SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 07:54

gogomoto · 03/07/2023 07:46

He could pay his dc directly for whatever he wants but I think at 17 it might be a good time to switch as it is the last year it's compulsory, far better he starts paying them

So… how does op go on covering heat, light, food etc if all CM goes to DD?

ODFOx · 03/07/2023 07:55

If he wants to give your DD money for driving lessons he can do that directly.

CMS only oversee the maintenance payment. They don't police his bank account to prevent him giving gifts ffs!

He's lying to you.

Original poster

Bopdebop · 03/07/2023 07:55

My gut tells me he's making it up but this sort of thing happens on a regular basis and I am constantly doubting myself. I will also ring the CMS to see what they say

OP posts:

SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 07:57

What he is really saying is that CMS won’t let him reduce the amount below the minimum so that he can choose something else to do with that money.

Which is absolutely right of CMS!

Also, I wonder if he is expecting a pay rise and trying to get out of a CM increase?

mumofboys8787 · 03/07/2023 07:57

I've never heard a bigger load of bullshit in all my life. NOBODY can stop him spending as much money as he wants on his children, he just needs to do it directly not through CMS. So if he wants to buy her driving lessons or a car or a trip to the moon of course he can do that, and he's an idiot for thinking you'd believe that he can't!

Loverofoxbowlakes · 03/07/2023 07:59

He's talking bollocks op.

Nothing at all to stop him from paying more than the cms amount. Don't waste your time on the phone to cms, he's talking bullshit.

veryfluffyfluff · 03/07/2023 07:59

No he's being silly. If they collect and pay then yes they might not allow him to vary the amount.

If it's a matter of you both not wanting to share bank details he can pay you extra in cash

CapEBarra · 03/07/2023 08:02

Haha, bloody chancer. He can pay for whatever he wants whenever he wants - on top of CMS. What he likely wants to do is spend it directly on your DD - so lessons, clothes, school trips, etc. so he can be the great Disney Dad, and ignore the necessary but boring (and invisible from her perspective) contribution to her food, bills, transport, etc.

IncomingTraffic · 03/07/2023 08:02

You don’t need to ring up the CMS to ask. He is lying to you and trying to trick you into accepting less than the minimum he’s obliged to pay.

The CMS calculation is the basic minimum. Nothing prevents him from paying far, far more than this. Nothing stops him from buying his daughter a lip gloss.

Except that HE is too tight to do so.

The CMS would look positively on him paying beyond that minimal calculation. But he’s an arsehole. You already knew this.

Stop listening to his bullshit.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 03/07/2023 08:03

He's making it up. ExH pays through CMS his required amount and then each year gives me half towards his big summer uniform costs and any residential things DS goes on.

I suppose it depends on how nasty he might be though. If he sends any extra money to you, he could potentially argue with CMS that he's "overpaid" and have his next years calculation reduced to account for it. ExH isn't that much of a dick to do that so it works for us.

TimeToMoveIt · 03/07/2023 08:04

He could pay you additional money if he wanted to never mind paying for driving lessons!

Why don't you ring them and ask so you can then go back to him and tell him he's a lying dickhead

Fiddlesticks82 · 03/07/2023 08:05

Bopdebop · 03/07/2023 07:40

Engage brain OP

Does this sound like something the CMS would look unfavourably on

Coffeaddict · 03/07/2023 08:08

He's talking bs there is nothing stopping him paying for anything extra.

DP pays the cms calculated maintence each month. Extras like uniforms for example are split so if we bought this pair of school shoes mum would buy the next. His phone contract is paid by us as is his swim lessons. For residentials ect DP just put half the cost for it into his ex account for her to pay.

In our case DSS is younger so driving lessons haven't come up yet but in answer to your question no CMS does not dictate that you can't pay extra

PositiveLife · 03/07/2023 08:10

He's talking bullshit.

What he actually means us CMS have told him he can't have a discount for paying for extras.

Ex-husband pays maintenance but also extra towards school trips, mobile phones, etc. He either pays it directly to the company (phones) or to me (school trips)

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