Struggling with behaviour

[EL96]

I wouldn’t usually write on something like this but feeling like I’ve really hit a brick wall and need some advice!
I’m a single parent (sons dad isn’t involved at all, through his choice) and lately just feel like I’m majorly failing at doing this alone.
my son has recently just turned 4 and he’s having really bad tantrums he screams, cry’s, hits and kicks and this can be over the smallest of things!
I know he probably doesn’t mean it but he’s started saying “I don’t like you” and it genuinely upsets me. I feel like I’ve tried everything I can think of the charts with rewards, gentle parenting the lot and nothing is working for him! He goes to nursery and is always a complete angel which makes me more anxious that it is something to do with me! Maybe he actually doesn’t like me! Any advice on what I can try which I may not of thought of would be much appreciated!

4 was a difficult age for my older one, very emotional and clearly making big leaps in her understanding.

What worked for us was taking a step away from the gentle parenting style we generally prefer, and focusing on setting very firm boundaries. For example we stopped offering choices of clothes to wear. Made it clear that I would choose what she wore and she was expected to wear it whether she liked it or not. If she had a tantrum, fine. We either let her do it and gave minimal attention until she calmed down, or if she was hitting we took her to her bedroom, and sat outside waiting til she was calmer. Obviously also set clear rules about other things - behaviour at meals, etc.

There were a few days of bad tantrums but over a few weeks it really helped her. She’s nice to live with again now!

I read somewhere that when children are 'angels' at nursery for example and then a nightmare at home it's because their home (and you) are their safe space so they are comfortable enough to just go wild and take on any emotion that comes their way. (Sorry I'm tired hope this made some sense)

I don't think this is your fault at all.

I also read that when toddlers/young children 'play up' and a parent might make a gasp or act very stern, children find this change in reaction amusing and so 'play up' more often. (Hence sometimes the smile when they're getting told off). Of course they're not trying to upset you or 'wind you up' they're almost just trying to get your attention.

My DS is only 9 months so not at your stage yet but I'm a completely single parent too so I will be in your shoes soon enough.

Good luck with everything xx