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Original poster

If your ex cancels contact?

23 replies

MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 15:35

Do you take the children instead ? My ex was meant to take the children to the cinema but cancelled with no reason given, he then messaged my son to tell him he went and had a great time wtf?! anyway my son is really upset and disappointed so I was going to take him instead but I’m conscious of how expensive this will become as it’s a regular thing (I have 4 children so cinema isn’t cheap) what do others do in this situation? Like making it up each time will get very expensive

OP posts:
Fiddlesticks82 · 01/07/2023 15:39

Well yes I would

but if I couldn’t afford it, then no, I wouldn’t. Instead of have a treat movie night at home

GoodChat · 01/07/2023 15:40

It would be nice if you can afford it as a treat but don't let it become an expectation.

What a nasty piece of shit of a 'man'.

Badbudgeter · 01/07/2023 15:40

I wouldn’t. I’d do a movie at home with popcorn and explain cinema wasn’t in my budget. It’s an awful precedent for you to fulfill his promises.

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 15:47

I don’t mind as a one off I guess is what I mean I don’t want it to become expected that mum will just make it all better.

OP posts:
Fiddlesticks82 · 01/07/2023 15:52

MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 15:47

I don’t mind as a one off I guess is what I mean I don’t want it to become expected that mum will just make it all better.

has this happened very frequently in the past?

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 15:53

He’s only been back in contact since October and yes he has cancelled more times than he has seen them

OP posts:
iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 01/07/2023 15:55

I'd tell him to forget it then
I'd not let my children be disappointed over and over
He can jog on

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 15:55

Time to stop contact then, no?

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 15:59

WilkinsonM · 01/07/2023 15:55

Time to stop contact then, no?

They are teens / preteens so not my choice…

OP posts:
barlie · 01/07/2023 16:06

No I think that would be a bad idea.Some might use that as a way of getting at you or making promises that then cost you money if they realise that you then pick up the pieces each time. Popcorn and film at home sounds like the right thing to do.

Fiddlesticks82 · 01/07/2023 16:10

So they’re old enough for you to say… look he’s let you down. I can’t afford what he was going to do… but happy to buy a movie and we watch at home and I’ll get treats in.

Or…. Take them if you have the money and want to.

Theunamedcat · 01/07/2023 16:18

No of course not if they promise a treat that is their promise to fulfill not mine! the only time I've broken this rule was when ds 2 asked for a specific toy Christmas and birthday from dad for two years end of year two big sis got him the toy its his favourite still

BamBamBambi · 01/07/2023 16:21

Yeh I would take them but make it clear you can’t do it all the time.

Findyourneutralspace · 01/07/2023 16:22

I’d be having a stern word with the ex and telling him he’s either in or he’s out, and remind him the kids will draw their own conclusions of him as a father. I not sure it would make much difference though.

With the kids, I’d explain that you’re sorry he’s let them down again and that on a limited budget you can’t always make up for his shortcomings but you will try and help them have a nice time in whatever way is within reach.

TheCheeseTray · 01/07/2023 16:27

They are still kids - with mine a text like that would end the relationship between them and him But I’d still be the adult and tell him how much his text hurt them and didn’t reflect him in a good light and it was hurting his relationship with them

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 16:36

I won’t be messaging him me and him have no contact. They have not chosen to cut contact it’s their choice.

OP posts:
Findyourneutralspace · 01/07/2023 16:43

Ah fair enough. I’m sorry to hear you’re having to deal with this though. It’s heartbreaking to see your children let down. All you can do is be the better parent sadly, and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing. You will be rewarded for that in your relationship with them down the line 🌺

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 17:26

So for example he was meant to come down for one of their birthdays a few months ago I paid for his ticket to the place and he cancelled, so I lost the money, it’s things like that, this is not a one off and I’m concerned about the cost of it and the expectations so I just wondered what others do..

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright2 · 02/07/2023 22:27

MaxwellCat · 01/07/2023 17:26

So for example he was meant to come down for one of their birthdays a few months ago I paid for his ticket to the place and he cancelled, so I lost the money, it’s things like that, this is not a one off and I’m concerned about the cost of it and the expectations so I just wondered what others do..

I can’t for the life of me understand why you did this ?

He is clearly in the shit dad catagory. I suspect he doesn’t pay maintenance .

I honestly think your kids are part of his game .

i would do absolutely nothing to encourage contact

SD1978 · 02/07/2023 22:41

Nope. If Disney parent has made a plan and cancelled, it's not on me to make up for that. I didn't make the plan, I'm not letting down anyone. I would sympathise with my child, tell them it's a bit rubbish, but it's not up to me to make up for occasions someone else lets them down.

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2023 23:05

You have no contact but paid for his ticket? Why?

Original poster
MaxwellCat · 02/07/2023 23:34

This was a good few months ago when we was talking but not much he would just occasionally message to ask how our youngest is that doesn't have a phone so he would send me the odd text weve never been friends though and we barely speak but since that time I had a go at him as he told our child he was coming to her birthday and didn't show up so I obviously expressed my annoyance at him for letting her down and since then he hasn't spoken to me and doesn't message anymore to ask about the youngest which is fine by me he only contacts the older ones directly now we haven't spoken in months. I wouldn't have paid for the ticket but he told my daughter he was coming for her birthday and she wanted him to come but we had already made plans so I said if he is absolutely certain he is coming I will add him on which he said he was, then obviously didn't show up. He doesn't know that I paid for the ticket or lost the money I kept that to myself.

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 03/07/2023 00:14

Nope I never would make it better for mine by doing what he promised with them. I would choose an alternative but not the same activity

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