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Child maintenance and bonus - threats from ex

35 replies

historiccastles · 26/06/2023 12:23

My ex and I broke up almost 10 years ago now. 2 teenage daughters. He rarely sees them and only if I put in the effort to set it up and it won't cost him any money/will cost him very little money. They don't like seeing him as they say it's boring and they don't like his house. He would tell you I've alienated them from him, I'd just say he's never made the effort and they know that and don't like it.

Child maintenance on Direct Pay through CMS. A few years back had problems with him underpaying but he has paid in full and on time for a while now.

Just had Annual Review and payment gone up dramatically as he received over £20k in bonuses and a backdated pay rise..

He is furious, says its not fair as it doesn't reflect his current income. Threats that he will have to sell his house and rent a room somewhere, won't be able to see the girls etc. I've heard it all before and I told him.if he thinks it's wrong to query it but that if he did earn that much it's right the kids get a share. He wants me to agree to a private arrangement with a lesser amount but I won't because I don't trust him to be honest about his income.

So once again I'm being subjected to a barrage of email abuse. WIBU to block him? He has the girls numbers, he can contact them without going through me if he wanted to.

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 26/06/2023 15:07

So he's happy for the cms to decide the amount based on his income UNTIL he gets a bonus and then he throws a fit and wants to start a private financial arrangement?

historiccastles · 26/06/2023 15:31

@cushioncovers no, he always wanted a private arrangement as he thinks they take too much money. I've always said no because he has form for hiding money. This is just a bigger than usual tantrum about it.

@lucylousweetie they are 14 and 16.

OP posts:
lucylousweetie · 26/06/2023 15:37

are you divorced? Consent order? What’s doing to happen in 2 years (i can tell you!!)

lucylousweetie · 26/06/2023 15:38

Does he have any other children out of interest?

Ariela · 26/06/2023 15:42

Shoesortrainers · 26/06/2023 12:38

Dear Ex.

The maintenance has been assessed based on the prescribed formula set by the government.

I will not be entering into discussions about this or coming to a private arrangement for less than the law say is payable.

Please refrain from contacting me further on this matter and ensure any future communication is not abusive or malicious.

I'd add somewhere that the maintenance is solely for the benefit of his 2 daughters to cover their day to day costs such as food, clothing, school uniform, clubs and activities

And send.

cushioncovers · 26/06/2023 16:53

historiccastles · 26/06/2023 15:31

@cushioncovers no, he always wanted a private arrangement as he thinks they take too much money. I've always said no because he has form for hiding money. This is just a bigger than usual tantrum about it.

@lucylousweetie they are 14 and 16.

Ignore his tantrums, the cms take exactly what they need to. The only reason a non resident parent ever wants a private agreement is to get out of paying the amount they have to or to continue to exert control over their ex.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 26/06/2023 16:56

Remind him that if he continues, you will have grounds to change it to Collect & Pay - for which he will be charged an additional £50pm fee by the CMS for the privilege!

historiccastles · 26/06/2023 16:58

@lucylousweetie divorced, consent order, he has no other kids and I'm quite sure he won't be among those who support their kids directly at university, as soon as they leave full time education we won't see him for dust.

OP posts:
FloydPepper · 26/06/2023 17:10

cushioncovers · 26/06/2023 16:53

Ignore his tantrums, the cms take exactly what they need to. The only reason a non resident parent ever wants a private agreement is to get out of paying the amount they have to or to continue to exert control over their ex.

We have a private arrangement for neither of those reasons. There are many reasons people might have them that are not “bloke is an arse”

cushioncovers · 26/06/2023 17:54

Yes you're correct, I should have said a non resident parent like op's.

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