Child maintenance/one night stand

[Dbav]

Hi I’m looking for some advice, I have a 6 month old daughter from a one night stand, it’s a long story but basically the dates were not adding up to her dad so I got my ex to do a dna test which came back negative so I know 100% who her dad is when I contacted him to let him know he insisted that he had had a vasectomy but failed to prove this as he said he had the paper work for it which I said ok (obviously confused) but asked him to send me the proof which he never did anyway I messaged him to tell him I know he’s lying about the vasectomy and the baby is his I told him I’m not asking for anything from him but if he ever wanted to see her I’d be more than happy with that he then blocked me, I left it for a few months but it was playing on my mind I just wanted to know what his reasons are for not seeming to care so I called him just the other day, he came across very angry and said I made the decision to parent her alone as he took me saying I didn’t want anything from him as me saying I don’t want him in her life he wouldn’t give me a reason as to why he doesn’t seem to care and still tried to say he’s had a vasectomy and she isn’t his I said she is and he can have a dna test if he wants! He then tried to say that I’m just doing this because my ex doesn’t want me which is definitely not the case all I wanted was to know why he doesn’t want any involvement and apart of me was hoping that he would want a relationship with the baby, the call ended with him hanging up on me and now I’m actually a bit angry as yes I chose to have her but I didn’t make her on my own I was on the pill but had been ill but stupidly it never crossed my mind that I was throwing up the pill! Now I’m in two minds do I just leave him be or should I go through child support? I’ve always said I never wanted anything like money from him but the arrogance he has given me the fact that he’s not even willing to accept she is his is making me wonder why I’m being so nice and struggling on my own, what do you all think? Thanks

CSA and he’ll have to do the DNA.

end of.

Are you saying that you had a one night stand with a stranger who told you he'd had a vasectomy, so you didn't use a condom or get the MAP the next day?

Yes, you should contact the Child Maintenance Service. He is responsible for having unprotected sex and should pay towards the child he created.

I'm sure that as a single parent of a baby this is the last thing on your mind but please do take responsibility for your own contraception in future, whatever they say!

No I had a one night stand, I was on the pill but I had been I’ll for a while (being sick) but I stupidly didn’t think it would have affected my pill, when I later told him about the baby is when he said he had a vasectomy but has never provided proof of this even if he did it’s completely irrelevant as I know the baby is his.

ive felt bad as I know this is not what he wanted neither was it for me but I had to step up and now I feel like it’s unfair to put all the blame on me as it’s not just my job to protect myself he should have been protecting himself to and not relying on me to take a pill.

yes I will be extra protecting myself from now on!

Open a claim with the CMS if you’ve now decided you do want him to pay. Pretending it’s because you’re angry and don’t understand why he’s not interested in being a dad off the back of a one night stand is very disingenuous. Just say you wanted the baby and want the money and hope they can get him to pay.

You know why he’s not interested. He seems to think he’s surgically removed his fertility and thought he was having a one night stand with a woman who was using the pill properly and knowing he’d had a vasectomy. As you were strangers you should both have used condoms so you didn’t catch anything other than an unplanned pregnancy. You didn’t, if he’s the dad then he’s got to cough up. But literally no one’s going to do that happily, come on.

The vasectomy talk is irrelevant. Open a CMS case.

I think it’s weird how people think they can have sex and have no consequences. Sex is literally for producing babies. Stop ignorant AnneLovesGilbert

Definitely go to the CSA because the baby is entitled to the money.
I get child maintanace for my 14 year old which i use to pay for a maths and english tutor that he needs. So basically who knows what the baby will need in the future and that is more important than what you told the dad/ whether he wants the baby or not. The baby comes before an adult.

Just go through CSA. Clearly no point contacting him directly as he appears to have no interest. The least his child deserves is some financial support.

Are any of his family involved.

Would your ex have done the test in good faith? Did you see him provide a sample?

it’s a long story but basically the dates were not adding up to her dad so I got my ex to do a dna test

Who is ‘her dad’ in this sentence?

Well he sounds like an awful guy. So do you want him on the birth certificate and involved? If you pursue this he’ll start thinking about pay per view and and will want to take her off and parent her. And he sounds like the kind of person. Who’d be difficult to parent with and not put your daughter first.
Honestly parenting alone is a lot easier than parenting with someone difficult or someone who doesn’t put the childrens needs first. You’ve told him, given him the choice, you’re not depriving your child of a father. He is doing that. I’d stay clear and enjoy your baby.

You have a legal right to financial support from the father regardless of the circumstances. Claim child maintenance, if he denies he’s the father then he will have to pay until he gets a DNA test to prove otherwise. He will likely stall on the DNA test as he knows it’ll prove he is the father. You never know what your child will need
in the future, get the financial support you are entitled to.

What's morally wrong or right is irrelevant sadly, reality is that he doesn't want anything to do with this child, he never will. If you go through CMS for financial support he will have a DNA test. Please use condoms when sleeping with strangers if not for contraception to avoid catching an STI, in this case of course he should have taken responsibility and worn a condom but it is what it is.

This man was a ONS, it wasn't a relationship and sounds like he never intended for a relationship, so of course he's not interested. He wanted a shag, not a child.

You have a teenager already, so it's hard to believe you're naive enough to think taking the pill was enough protection. What about STDs?

He's equally wrong for not using a condom so go through CMS to get payment for your child. First however, be 100% certain that your ex did the DNA test properly. If you didn't witness it, or it wasn't done in controlled circumstances, then he could have got a mate to provide a sample.

CMS because that money is your dd's, not yours, and you never know what she may need in future. He'll be required to have a dna test, and you'll both know for sure.

He took part in creating her, he needs to accept responsibility for that fact.

Tricky. But ultimately OP has the hardest lesson to learn here especially if she has to explain this mess to her DD. I hope the father changes his mind, its very possible. I hope you mange to get sorted with CMS op!