Sympathy and recognition. Also no insta house here. Don't underestimate the impact of the ASD thing either in terms of how you feel you compare to others - neither of mine have any dx but DC1 is very bloody hard going and can need a lot of input, if I only had a child like DC2 I would be more on top of life in general. Also way too much screen time here, it's sometimes necessary. We go through phases.
I often think it's about choosing strategically which plates to drop. I definitely have lower standards for housework than many people, I'm OK with that.
Delegate what you can - it's good for DC to be helpful in the household and I think often DC of lone parents have an advantage here (although of course everything in balance - there is definitely such thing as too much responsibility!). Find the things which energise you and the rules you need to enforce that - eg my kids know I only deal with absolute emergencies before my morning coffee. I can look after them and also spend five mins in a book, or scrolling MN, or doing a plank workout (which they might join in!).
Find the things they enjoy but can do alone and unsupervised - screens obvs do this but other things work here too (at different ages - picnics for dolls, play dough, mark-making with pencils/crayons/pens, lego). I feel better and less like I'm failing if I can direct them to a non screen option!
Easy meals, always. On late or crap evenings, beans on toast is a perfectly adequate tea, and even more so if you can chuck them fruit and yoghurt for pudding.
It gets easier as they get older... or at least, it gets different and variety helps.