Help with Access/Visitation

[Lzppo]

Can somebody please give me an insight into how they schedule access for a 10 week old baby. I'm based in Ireland.

I’m not with baby daddy and he wants/demands to see his daughter every second day. I’m happy for him to see her but only between feeds in my house for 1 hour and a half. He is seeing her 3 times a week and possibly 4.

But I want to space it out to two days between visits. Like he comes Sunday and then Wednesday and then Saturday, so it’s not the same day every week.

I feel like I need the space between visits to get over the last visit. He questions me on everything, where I am going if the day he wants to visit is doesn’t suit. Texts twice a day asking how we are getting on, I don’t have a minute to answer. I’m hardly getting out just to go to the local shops trying to get use to the new normal of having a baby.

Now he is wanting to take her out to his house, show her off to his friends. Which I’m happy to do when she is older, not now when she is only 10 weeks.

Can someone please advise me what the visitation/access schedule looks like for babies. I have full sole custody.

Any help please

Is baby breastfed? Either way baby is too young to be away from you for long periods.

Does he have what is required for baby to visit him? A steriliser, spare bottles, spare clothes, somewhere to sleep etc. Baby is still very young so it would be typical to keep visits short and regular. If you need to recover after the visit that sounds like things aren’t amicable so be careful of exposing your baby to a bad atmosphere.

How long are his proposed visits? Is he asking to show off the baby? Do Not provide him with everything baby needs when you do eventually start letting him take baby off for longer stretches. It will only create a rod for your own back. You don’t need the extra stress of it.

If you have full sole custody I assume you mean you did not bring him to register the birth with you and he is not on the birthcert? That means he has no rights and to get any at all he will have to take you to court so you could mention that to him and see if he will go through the expense of court or the long waiting time for legal aid and in the meantime you tell him what days and times suit you.

This.
It sounds as if he has more interest in bullying you than anything else.

Quite simply, don’t allow him to bully you. A really concerned dad would want to work with you to organise visitation and would avoid upsetting you in any way.

The way he’s behaving is to wind you up rather than establishing a relationship with the baby.

If his name isn’t on the birth certificate, he has no rights unless he goes to court. That means that you are in charge. Tell him via text what visitation you will offer which can be anything that suits you. You can also state you won’t let him take the baby out of your house. If he replies in a rude way, tell him all future communication is by email then block him. That way you have a record if he does go to court.

Tell him in advance that you won’t answer his questions. He is there to see the baby, not you. If he persists with questioning you, then you will stop the visits. Think about having a family member or friend with you, someone who can give him the baby so you don’t have to see him.

Also, he should be paying maintenance to you. Make a claim straight away.

He is on the birth cert but fathers in Ireland don't have any rights to custody of the parents are not married or living together.

I going to tell him it's this way or he goes to court. I don't want maintenance from him, I'm financially responsible.

Communication via email text is a good idea.

Thanks so much for the help

His visits are 1 and half hours 3 times a week. The baby is only a few weeks.

Are you sure he has no rights when on the birthcert here? I thought it was similar to the UK where if he was on the cert that he had certain rights? You should ask him for maintenance too as whether you need it or not he has an obligation to provide for his child. Do though put your foot down and tell him what days or times he can come over and only respond to texts from him when you can, do not put pressure on yourself.

He told me that he was going to have a chat with me about things. But I know I am not doing anything wrong and I'm putting my foot down. I'm going to wait till after Father's Day.

I had this with my ex.
He wanted to take baby for sleepovers at as soon as born... I was very anxious because he put a lot of pressure on me.
Advice from solicitor was no way the contact needs to be built up little and often.
I won't lie to you it was a nightmare but my ex is a difficult person.
In the end I had to get a solicitor involved.
Please do what's right for you and your baby. Needs to see dad ok but this is the time for you and baby and he needs to respect that.