Coping with housework and kids on your own

[Pegasus41]

Just a shout out there to lone parents. My husband passed away earlier this year, my kids are age 8 and 5. I’ve never been good at housework always hated it, and some days, a lot of time actually, trying to create some kind of order in the mess, after work, in the midst of the demands of the kids, and make their dinner, really gets me down! The laundry situation seems insane. It’s not just that I can’t keep up with the dirty laundry, I also can’t keep up with all the masses of clean laundry waiting to be put away. There are days I just crave living in a clean tidy apartment by myself, with the freedom to do things. I have minimal family and no one able to offer much help at home. I am fortunate to have two lovely neighbours who bring us dinner twice a week. I have a cleaner who does a couple of hours a week, but it doesn’t stay clean for long. I do pay a babysitter to go out with friends from time to time, but aargh! Tell me how you cope.

Single parent too op. I quite like housework but It's never ending isn't it and can be disheartening when you've spent ages tidying up for it to be in a mess again 5 mimutes later. Our house is still a mess.

I have a cleaner to take the edge off

Single parent here too, it's the clean laundry I really struggle with, I feel like there are just piles of it everywhere and no time to sort it and put it away. I don't have any advice really though I'm afraid!

I have no time to do anything (work 2 jobs, plus hour round trip commute for the school run - which I don't want to change given the kids have already had enough upheaval!)

So I have low standards. I have the right number of everything, and it's washed and folded on a Sunday , and left on top of the tumble dryer for next week (or that's the plan, if I don't feel like it some weekend then the system is out of whack for a bit).

I try to do one bigger thing each weekend - like clear out old clothes, or sort out the draws under the TV, along with the kitchen (I endeavour to only do the dishwasher once per week, and twice a the weekend, since I hate emptying it - even though it's only a short job).

I'm trying to chuck stuff more. eg. I used to have a whole cupboard full of 'useful' plastic containers 'just in case' - they all went, so now I can put something else in the cupboard that was previously overcrowded.

I mealplan, because I get to the end of the day and can't face thinking what to cook, and my kids don't mind routine.

And I pay my youngest (8) an hourly rate to hoover, because that way he gets some extra money, and I get the hoovering at least partially done, which is better than not done.

OH! and I don't change bedding, I just have washable duvets/pillows, and use a fluffy blanket as an undersheet which is both warmer, and easier to put back on the beds than a proper undersheet.

A lot of mumsnetters will tell you to do a washload a day but my preference is to do the whole lot in one day - washed dried and put away and forget about for another week.

Lots of good podcasts and websites out there for inspiration. I follow "A Slob Comes Clean" . I find americans take quite a different approach than the brits and it seems to suit me. Anyway, t heres loads to choose from.

Ooh I’m going to check out the podcasts — thanks! Yes I need either a wash a day or big one per week, at the moment it’s there’s no fixed system, so it can build up until it becomes bad. And I totally agree that decluttering would help me.
Thanks all.

Have fewer clothes each, hang them up to dry on hangers so they go straight into to wardrobe or reworn. DC help with sock matching and knicker sorting and putting away.

The kids have 10 pairs of identical school approved socks and that's it.

Far less clothes makes it so much easier.

It’s really hard. I have a 1 and 3 year old and very limited in what I can do around them. I have a spreadsheet of all household cleaning and write the date when I’ve done it. Nothing happens as often as it should but it does mean that everything gets done eventually and incentivises me to do bits and pieces when I have a spare 5 mins.

I also sometimes put on a timer for fifteen mins in the evening and tidy as much as I can.

My standards are also very low!

If I could have a weekend to myself to declutter and organise it would all be much easier too.

I've started doing this with the shirts and my dresses, hanging them on hangers and putting them on the line to dry like that then they can be put straight in the wardrobes. I chucked out a whole black bag of old socks and odd socks the other day so the kids now just have one type each. My daughter has white ones, my youngest son grey and eldest has black.

I book a slot at the tip on my day off each week and try to clear at least 3 bags of rubbish there and take at least one bag to the charity shop. I've got rid of so much stuff over the last few months but disappointingly my house doesn't look any clearer! I'm. Determined to declutter (the children hate the idea though)

It’s hard I have 4 kids and my house is very messy

I would also say lower your standards too. It is only now ds is late teens I get round to any deep springcleaning. It was superficial at best before!

I’m with you, I hate putting laundry away.
it starts off in neat piles then turns into a mess.
what helped us js the kids each having s trug in their room for clean washing, I put it in there so at least it’s contained. Invariably they/I get clean things straight out of there to be worn and it doesn’t all make it back into the cupboard but at least it’s tidier and the theory is the older ones are supposed to put it away themselves!

We also have a communal sock basket where I just chuck clean socks. In theory I go through it at times and pair them up, in reality I don’t but it’s not too bad to rifle through looking for pairs when they’re needed. 2 of my girls and I have similar sized feet so we all sort of share socks anyway

I wish there was a way where older women like me whose children have left home could help younger women like you - I would love to volunteer and help with children/ laundry/ cooking in these circumstances. Like a surrogate granny I guess. Very sorry to hear about your husband.

You can. There is a mother's help on childcare.co.uk and you can charge nothing if you wish. You can interview prospective clients to make sure you're helping someone you want to

Lone parent to a 6 and 8 year old. I can't afford a cleaner because I am a cleaner! I clean other people's homes for 5 - 6 hours a day. Pick kids up from after school club then it's home for cleaning/dinner/bath/homework/laundry/clean pets/admin. Weekends are taken up with gardening, meal planning, more cleaning, DIY, catching up on laundry, shopping and days out for the kids. I have no parents or family to help. Despite constant working and grinding I have no money and my home, garden, and car are constantly messy. I'm 40 years old and my body can't physically keep up the pace. Mental health is in the toilet. Living the dream!

Hi Op, I struggle too. I definitely have lower standards that is ideal but that said I try to prevent it becoming too bad and often spring clean and try to do an hour long bigger clean on a weekly basis.

Key thing is to declutter like a madwoman. Periodically I go through a big declutter - starting small and building up. Trying to get rid of 1-2 things per day then working up a bit until you're on top of as much as possible. Owning less makes cleaning and life a lot simpler. Then repeat this process every few months.

When I am in the shower I keep my cream jif cleaner nearby and at the end of my shower while I am still in there I clean out the bath and taps, takes 5 mins, about once a fortnight (that is enough for me). I clean the sink and loo about once a week. Yes it may be below some people's standards but it is enough for us!

And weekly or every other week my big one hour clean to bring everything up to scratch.

A daily 10 minute focus for each room is good too - e.g. choose which room or area needs help and then focus on that room only for a short period. If you do it daily and rotate rooms it really helps.

Then maybe once every 3 - 4 months a much bigger deep clean of the whole house.

But I think the main thing is owning less and doing short room cleans daily with a weekly bigger clean. Get the kids to help. Also kids are reluctant to declutter and get rid so you have to do it in secret!

Oh and one good thing I think I read on here is to have a focus day big clean where you get the kids involved. Play music and make it as fun and fast as possible. At the end there's a "reward" like pizza or icecream and a movie. It makes it feel worthwhile. Doing it on a Friday eve or Saturday morning is good because you then get to enjoy the clean house for the weekend.

Isthisexpetcted - thank you! I had no idea, I have previously looked for charities along these lines but found nothing. Will investigate.

I struggle but giving the kid's some responsibility helps.

Mine are 1, 6 & 7. The older two put their clothes in the wash basket and help me hang up washing. 7 yo puts her clean clothes away herself. 6 yo sort of does. They put dirty plates etc in dishwasher. About once a week I say no screens till your room is tidy/or offer a reward/bribe. About once a month I do a proper clean of their rooms. 7 year old strips her bed and does the sheet and pillow I do her duvet cover. 6 to bed west so I'm the one changing that whenever it happens.

6yo helps me put online food shop away.

I clean kitchen as I cook/feed baby. Evening washing up is left till breakfast and I do it while kids eat.
I generally clean bathroom while supervising bath time- although with 6yo boy in the house I'm cleaning up a pissy floor/seat constantly (I HATE that his father taught him to stand up to pee. He doesn't have to live with the consequences!!)

Top tip is have a basket for each child and one for yourself. As I tidy I just put their stuff that's made it's way around the house in their basket and then dump it in their room.

Currently I'm trying to work on "don't put it down put it away" and "if it takes less than 5 minutes do it now".

It works great till my autistic child has a meltdown and trashes house then I cry and put an audiobook on and deal with it when kids asleep.

I just need a solution for the garden.

I have no social life because one child is very high needs and I can't get cover for him. I think if I had any sort of life myself I would soon drown in the housework but because I'm a prisoner in this house caring for my child I just constantly do bits. On the rare occasions all kids are away at the same time I do a massive sort and clean accompanied by wine and then sleep all the next day