Sorry this may be long winded, I have a disability which at times I struggle to get across clearly how to explain what’s in my head. And I’ve had a life breakdown in the last 8 months. I am writing this because I have just had a heated argument with my daughter and I don’t feel I handled it very well. i have teenagers i find it hard to know how to be a parent to teenagers because i never experienced being parented. My oldest kids are 19 and 20 so I feel I have gained experience, but now my 14 yr old is coming out with things I’ve never heard of and my doubts are starting again at my ability to parent a teen As I feel the differences between my oldest and my youngest are far different. I want to know how others I’m my situation cope as I found I was fine with parenting my kids up till the age of 14/15 I hadnt been parented But when my kids hit that age it was clear that things like sitting on the naughty step etc are not the way to go about it. With a teenager (Example but one of many) but I never experienced being parented at that age. I know there are booksetc but geeze it’s harder work than I ever thought. let me explain.
This is going to sound really bizarre but I will explain my past situation to give it some understanding of where I’m coming from. at 14 years old, I’m 52 now. My parents moved abroad my dad first and a month later my mum left. She left me in the uk I wasn’t with family or friends, she literally placed me in a bed sit told the landlord I was a lot older than I was and left me to it. She paid 2 months rent told me to make sure I go to school gave me £50 for food and said she would keep paying the rent and will transfer me £50 every 2 months in my bank account. I lost contact with the both of them. (Was snail mail back then and no social media and certainly no online banking) no money was ever put in my bank and Literally after the 2 months the landlord was kicking me out unless I paid rent so I skipped school and worked so I could live. I didn’t go into care system or even get seen by social services i seemed to be off the radar for any of that. I wouldn’t even of known how to get help like that. My school was well aware of my situation after I explained it to them. But still no help. It was the 1980’s I’m told it’s different now. I had no financial support other than money I earned. I found my dad 5 years later he has since died and I have only in the last 2 years found my mum but obviously with what happened and it being 35ish years ago, our relationship is not good.
when I was 14+ I was fending for myself, so from my experience you just got on and did stuff. Made mistakes but learned and moved on.
no handouts had to cook clean work at 4 am in a bakery so I could go to some lessons at school. I I unfortunately Didn’t even get to take exams.
im proud to say my oldest 2 are at uni and I would say 10 years ahead of what I was at that age.
how do you cope ?