What do you do when you’ve had enough

[MaxwellCat]

My son is really driving me mad, his behaviour is just awful, he doesn’t sleep, he wakes constantly in the night, he hates school and refuses to go so kicks off every morning is a battle, he teases and fights with his sister constantly and I mean constantly all day it’s screaming and crying as he is constantly winding her up and calling her names and making fun of her (he says her crying is funny) it’s relentless I can’t do anything because I will constantly have to stop to break up the argument. So basically I’ve had enough but there is no other parent to send him to when I’ve had enough so I can have some time away from him (yes I sound awful but we all have our limits and he is really getting me down) everyone I know who is a single parent the father is involved so when they have enough of their kid or they are playing up they send them off to the dad, I’ve never had that luxury. What do other single parents do if the dad isn’t involved when they’ve had enough? I really need some time away from him and sorry to sound mean but like I said we all have our limits and I’m at breaking point.

How old are your kids OP?

He is 9 my younger child that he is constantly teasing is 6

That sounds really tough. Is there a breakfast or after school club he could attend on some days?
How old is he? His behaviour sounds extremely difficult. It's something I'd be asking my health visitor for help with, but mine are not school age so not sure the equivalent... is there a school nurse, teacher, or other health professional involved with him that you could contact for advice?
Does he have any additional needs?
Do you have any family or friends that can have him for an hour or two, or would you be able to do alternate playdates with any of his school friends, so he goes to their house one day and you have their child another?

Childminder? Put him in a sports club on a Saturday and give the younger one a break?

He is selective mute, he doesn’t speak at all in school and hasn’t done since around year 1 he hates it so much and constantly begs me not to send him, he has no friends at all in school as he won’t speak to any children at all, I’m very involved with the school over this and have to go in every Thursday for an hour to sit with him. He doesn’t have any other SN or diagnosis and the school senco doesn’t believe he has any other special needs. But this isn’t the case at home he doesn’t stop speaking at home and it’s constant he screams and shouts everywhere else except school so it’s not what I experience at home. He can’t do play dates for the reason I stated about having no friends.

Sounds like he needs an SEN assessment with someone else.

Mine have 3 sets of grandparents within a 40 mile radius to me. I just send mine off to them when I've had enough.

It’s only recently the school has taken the SM seriously, before that I got he is just shy, despite having no friends refusing to speak to the point he was telling me people in his class think he is deaf or doesn’t speak English. They’ve only recently taken it seriously as I’ve been trying to speak to the Senco for years about it but that’s not really the issue if I’m honest as it’s how he is at home that is making me miserable.

no grandparents my mum won’t do childcare and my father although he absolutely would he is a wheelchair user and wouldn’t be able to look after him. (Ex has no family otherwise I would have reached out to them I’m that desperate)

It does sound like he has SEND, sounds a lot like autism with the selective mutism and behaviour at home. I would find out whether there are any parent carer groups or other support in your area. It won't change his behaviour, but might help you get the support you need to manage it. Also might help you to start making a network of other parents going through the same, and help you build the strength you need to fight the system for the right diagnosis and support for him

Both my children have refused to attend school from about P3 - both are autistic but in mainstream settings. The behaviours you mention were also what they demonstrated.

My first thing was to speak to the school and get adaptations made for them, however, to be honest, they are often not enough as it is just the whole environment of school that is overwhelming. But that might be a first step.

There are some facebook groups that you might find helpful - Not fine in school is probably the main one (there is a page and a group), there is also a 'School Refusal Support Services for Phobia, Refusal & Separation Anxiety' page. Not always have answers but helpful to know you are not alone.

Another thing that helped me was the book 'The Explosive Child' by Ross Greene - it helped me try to work with my daugher to understand the root cause of her behaviours. Again, not a magic answer to all problems, but definitely progress.

Another book that is meant to be really good is 'Your child is not broken' by Heidi Mavir. I haven't actually got round to reading this yet.

I recognise your feelings about being overwhelmed and needing space. I am also a single parent with the children 100%, also as they are not in school often they are with me throughout the day too, and they mostly refuse to spend time with their dad. It is exhausting. I have no suggestions in this regard. But helping to reduce their stress in other ways will hopefully provide more time/space for you to relax while they are at home, rather than always being 'on alert'.