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Narcissist in court

4 replies

lydsim25 · 04/06/2023 18:50

I'd love some opinions please and some insight. I'll try and keep it short. But please help

I left my narcissist 18 months ago. We have a 5 year old son
We are going through family courts and have had a few hearings and he is not allowed any direct contact for now. The only communication allowed is via phone. Updates etc.

Court has been ongoing now for about a year
Multiple hearings.

Over the past few weeks, we have sent texts etc about our son and photos of him. Which I don't mind. However, I have noticed he drops comments in the texts such as

"I know you well, we spent 7 years together"

"Hello let me know if your not too busy today and if I could speak to our beautiful baby boy"

And passes compliments telling me I'm doing well etc.

Is he trying to Hoover me after 2 whole years?? Is he testing the waters here?? What's your take on it??

Would a narcissist still continue the court process whilst wanting to Hoover you back.
Any opinions are welcome but please be kind I'm in a better place now xx

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/06/2023 18:59

Does it matter?

You give nothing beyond what you have to beyond what the court has directed. Respond to nothing else, grey rock all the way.

kenstaylor · 04/06/2023 19:55

“I know you well, we spent 7 years together”
hmm I wouldn’t think he does, he knows the you he formed and controlled. You’ve changed, you’re strong now. Keep it formal with him. Allow access for your son via phone but anything other than that leave for the courts

whycantitbecalm · 05/06/2023 17:20

Ugh, isn't it hard to not be on your guard with them. currently just 4 months into the divorce process with mine.

I've had 108 messages in the last week!!! literally just trying to keep contact. If I were you, knowing how narcissists work, I'd say he is trying to keep himself in your good books.

It is draining and I can see why its hards to grey rock him. But thats just because of how he's treated you previously. Now more than ever its important to not let him think that you are anything other than your Childs mother. This man could be in your life for years to come (depending on how court goes) so keep those boundaries, you've spent time building up.

NooNooMummy · 10/06/2023 17:22

All excellent advice above.

I don’t know whether this helps but I know that, once there was enough space between me and my ex, I forgot how horrendous things had been and began to wonder whether we could still make it work. And I know others who have been through that stage too and I think the court process emphasises that previous lives are ending and everything will, officially, be different.

But do remember! Stay focused on why things had to end. The future might feel scary but it DOES get better and easier. And, if your ex is anything like mine, he has never and will never be capable of loving you but is very good at manipulating everyone. Grey stone all the way, particularly while you’re vulnerable.

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