Father’s Day

[MumsPett]

what do you do about Father’s Day and school? We have no male role models involved so no uncles grandad step dad etc just wondered what other people do in this situation as last year dd was quite upset about it and trying to avoid the same this time round.

[quietnightmare]

Speak to the school and explain the situation and ask if the teacher could say that whatever they are making doesn't have to be for their dad but for whoever takes care of them

[MumsPett]

Yeah sorry should have added school did do the whole you can do it for a “special person” last year but my daughter is pretty clued up and saw that majority was doing it to their father and since we just had Mother’s Day she knew what day it was and came out of school very upset.

[quietnightmare]

Ohhh I see. So upsetting. To be honest I can't believe they do this these days and I'm one of those people who say just because your kid is rubbish at sport doesn't mean they get to skip out of sports day but this hits different.

Not sure what the best solution is? Do you know what day they will be making things? To be honest in this situation I would consider letting my child have the day off as sick and do something fun if I could get the day off work

[Crunchingleaf]

OP your DD will eventually come to terms with having no father. What age is she and have you spoken to her about families all being different and her own circumstances regarding her father. It’s hard seeing a child upset but you can support her through this.

[Clymene]

I've always said all families come in all shapes and sizes. Some have two fathers, some have two mothers, some have only a mum and some have only a dad. They're all great. No one is better than another one.

Say it like you mean it. You are enough.

[whatwhhat]

Have a word with her beforehand to say that you take care of her like both parents would. Tell her you would be very happy if she made you a Father's Day card (or anyone you think would be appropriate I know you say there's no role male models though) . That way it isn't sprung on her in surprise when they do it in school and she already has a solution to her 'problem' which would take some of the anxiety and initial panicking about who to make it too.

Tbh I doubt she would be the only one in the class not making one for their dad. Remind her that just because the majority made them for their dads, there are other children in her class not making them for their dads.

[MumsPett]

Thanks yeah she knows that families are different but sadly we don't actually know anyone in our situation so its hard when 99% of the class our doing cards for their father and she hasn't got one to give it to

[TheFormidableMrsC]

My son's school encouraged him to make a card for me. No child was ever made to feel that they were different, it was a case of "card for Dad or whoever you love".

[Clymene]

@MumsPett

Thanks yeah she knows that families are different but sadly we don't actually know anyone in our situation so its hard when 99% of the class our doing cards for their father and she hasn't got one to give it to

I have no idea how many single mothers there were/are in my children's class. The only way she won't feel it's something she's missing is if you don't feel like it's something she's missing.

[MumsPett]

@Clymene

I have no idea how many single mothers there were/are in my children's class. The only way she won't feel it's something she's missing is if you don't feel like it's something she's missing.

I’m not sure I agree with that? She had never mentioned or seemed upset about her father till then. We have spoken about different families but when they did Father’s Day cards she came out of school really upset and kept asking what her fathers favourite colour was and what his favourite food was then getting upset that she didn’t have a father and asking to see him (they had obviously been talking about it in class as she had never asked that before) she didn’t do the card for me it was left blank..

[Clymene]

What have you told her about her father?

[Crunchingleaf]

As your daughter gets older her understanding and also her perspective on things change. So it makes sense that it wouldn’t have upset her or made her curious when she was younger. She will need some answers about her dad. Be as honest as is appropriate for her she. The other side of it is that sometimes it’s the being different to the others causing more distress then not having a dad around.

[Clymene]

I'm sorry, it must be hard to see her so upset. I agree with pp, answer her questions in an age appropriate way. Maybe chat to her teacher too?