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Single parenting and dating HELP

10 replies

cautioussinglemum · 01/06/2023 17:17

So any advice for this would be great.

I have a daughter who is 12 and I had her when I was very young and I’ve raised her single handedly. Her dad has chosen not to be involved to the point I wouldn’t be able to contact him even if I tried. However, she does have an extremely positive male role model within my family.

I have recently met this great guy. We have been on quite a few dates, I have met his family and things are going really well. He also has a child whom he shares with his ex partner 50/50.

My issue is childcare… plain and simply. I work 4 evenings a week and my parents help me out. They have also helped me out lately as I have been meeting the new guy for dinner and dates etc. However, my parents are understandably becoming frustrated with how often I am asking them to have her. I can leave her home alone for a couple of hours but I’d rather not do this unless it’s completely avoidable.

I’ve been to his house a couple of times and his family all appear lovely.

Although the early dating stage is great It’s getting to the point where it’s not sustainable to be going out to meet him a couple times a week.

I feel that I know him well enough to invite him round for dinner now, especially that I have seen his home and met his family. We have had the discussion and we both have the same life goals long term- meaning more children, marriage etc.

The issue is as my daughters dad is not involved I have her every single night. I’ve pretty much exhausted childcare with my parents recently and like I said they have her 4 evenings a week whilst I work but I do pick her up after I finish.

She knows that I am seeing someone and she is happy about it- she does want me to meet someone.

The only way I can see to get round this is to have him round late evening (like 8ish) after she has had her tea and settled into bed watching a film. But explain to her that he is coming over but as it’s early on I’d rather her stay upstairs and keep things as separate as possible for a while. I’ve spoken to him too and he is happy to come round at 8ish.

I just don’t know how to navigate this and any single mums who have been in this position with a child of similar ages please reply to this thread 😇

thank you so much for reading this!

OP posts:
cautioussinglemum · 01/06/2023 17:19

By meaning I have met his family- I mean his parents as he’s living with them whilst saving for a mortgage.

OP posts:
toomanyleggings · 01/06/2023 17:25

I had a toddler when I was dating my now husband. I just saw him once per week. My mum babysat for that one date a week. Once a week is enough when you’re dating. Keeps them keen. Funnily enough he was quite quick to propose

cautioussinglemum · 01/06/2023 17:56

I’ve explained I have exhausted my childcare other than for work and it’s completely different having a toddler compared to a 12 year old.

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 01/06/2023 18:05

I think if there's no one else to watch your daughter, you'll have to just make do with him coming round later in the evening.

Unless you want to pay a babysitter so you can go out for a few hours. Or maybe she could stay at a friends every now and then.

Freefall212 · 01/06/2023 18:09

What time do you pick your daughter up from your parents?

How much time do you get with her in a day during the week?

If she barely sees you due to you working evenings, I am not sure how keen a 12 year old will be to be banished to her bedroom by 8:00 so your new boyfriend can come for dinner and hang out.

How long have you been dating him? Can you meet up when she is at school before you go to work?

MumsPett · 01/06/2023 18:21

I have no family help and ex doesn't have the kids so not been able to date at all, you could pay babysitters but that's not something I choose to do personally

Atticus999 · 01/06/2023 18:23

Please don’t make her stay upstairs in her bedroom.

Carryonkeepinggoing · 01/06/2023 18:27

Does your daughter like sleepovers with her friends? You could trade favours with a trusted parent/parents of one of her friends. It might not get you a whole evening per week but one full overnight a month might be a good start.
If you work near each other you could maybe do lunch together.
Next year you could try a Saturday morning activity where you drop off and pick up.

toomanyleggings · 01/06/2023 20:41

cautioussinglemum · 01/06/2023 17:56

I’ve explained I have exhausted my childcare other than for work and it’s completely different having a toddler compared to a 12 year old.

It’s not that different in terms of childcare. You still need a babysitter. Pay a babysitter one night a week or do a daytime date.

Savemyusernamenow · 13/06/2023 23:38

Speak to him. He should be able to adjust not your daughter. Have an open conversation on it. It may be that you agree to only date once per week, have day Dates, or he may offer to help you pay for a babysitter.

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