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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

How long does it take ....?

11 replies

rickman · 10/12/2004 17:09

until you get used to living on your own.

I'm finally in my new house and I'm feeling a bit nervous. All my back up has gone now and I feel vulnerable being on my own with 4 kids. Do you get used to it and what do you do if you're worried at night?

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tammyBEARinggifts · 10/12/2004 17:15

Trying to keep yourself busy helped me out a lot. I find that if Im busy I dont dwell so much on being on my own, although at times I still dont like it. Nights use to worry me, but I am a lot better now. I always have my mobile next to my bed, and I leave it on but on silent so if there was ever an emergency, I could quickly call, and I have certain people on speed dials too so quicker than trying to find them in your phone book. What worries you most about nights?

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rickman · 10/12/2004 17:20

Someone breaking in I suppose. The area where I am is ok, but not brilliant, its a big council estate. My neighbours seem very nice though.

I seem to be constantly checking the door is locked.

My kids have always had trouble sleeping on their own as well and although I'm trying to get them to stay in their own rooms, I feel better if they are close to me.

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tammyBEARinggifts · 10/12/2004 17:24

aww, do u have your neighbours number? if u keep it by u, least they're right next door if anything should happen.

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mikeyjon · 10/12/2004 17:39

u sound just like me! we moved into here about 18 months ago now and i used to get scared when my husband worked nights. i would check all the doors and windows then go to bed and lie there worrying ovr wether id checked them properly. would end up getting up to do it again. would also leave the living room light on. would never put ds in his own room incase i couldnt get to him if i needed too. would lie awake all night listening for noises and crying. was very scared. even walked round to mil in the middle of the night with ds and heavily pregnant.

saw a councillor in the end and she decided that i had so much on my mind that my brain couldnt rest properly. i found it really helpful. instead of keeping things bottled up i now tell people whats on my mind. also have started working and college to give myself some focus.

also, when locking up i have a routine which i follow, check everything in order so then i know that i havent missed anything.

also, hubby walked me round the house going over different senarios. like escape routes, alarms and security so i finally felt safe. he even checked the loft. i always make sure that im not out late, dont watch scary movies and always take the phone to bed with me. also have managed to get ds1 into his own room. took a while but with the help of baby moniters (even though hes 2.5) i've done it.

we've been here 18 months now and alot better

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AimsmumTheRedNoseReindeer · 10/12/2004 17:53

Hi Rickman, I've been on my own with my DD since I split up with her dad in April. At first I found it really hard, but as Tammybear said if you try to keep yourself busy after your kids have gone to bed it really helps. I've never read so many books in my life as I did in those first few months
I also hate the idea that once DD was in bed (around 7.30) that I was then "trapped" in the house for the night and wouldn't be able to go out if for example I ran out of milk or whatever. I know that sounds silly but it really used to bother me.
I also always keep my mobile phone next to my bed. I also got a landline phone with an extra handset so that I could have a phone both upstairs and downstairs.
I only have 1 DD so it must be really hard with 4 kids. Do you have no friend or family nearby that you could call on in an emergency?
But in answer to your origional question, I actually feel I got used to living on my own very quickly and I now actually quite enjoy it (I didnt at first so I do know where you are coming from) and I now couldn' imagine things being any other way. It really does get better, honest.
Where abouts are you if you dont mind saying

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rickman · 10/12/2004 18:21

I live in Kent.

I feel even worse now actually. I've just read a local magazine that has a crime report. It seems that there is a lot of crime around here including some in my road. Most of it seems to be damage to vehicles but that doesn't make me feel any better. I don't want to be here now, I've only been here since Saturday and I feel like crying now.

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AimsmumTheRedNoseReindeer · 10/12/2004 18:30

Have you just moved to a totally different area? Are you now away from all your friends and family?
I'm not really sure how much help I can be, but when I first moved I initially hated it as well, like you it is not the best area, but I have found that given time I really like it.
How bad is the crime in your area? Is your home fairly secure, do you have locks on your windows etc?
I would get the number for your local police station and program that in your phone and keep it by your bed and then if you feel uneasy at night etc you will have the number to hand.
Sorry I dont think I am being much help. But I do feel for you. ((hugs))

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rickman · 10/12/2004 18:39

My mum lives a 10-15 minute drive away which isn't too far I suppose. Most of my friends live where I was living when I left ex p. If I'm honest I feel too embarrased to tell people where I live now.

I've got window locks and the council are in the process of fitting a new porch and front door. The workmen get to keep a key though until all the work is finished which makes me nervous as well.

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moondog · 10/12/2004 18:59

I have spent three years on my own with dd and was heavily pregnant and on my own with a new baby for some of that time.In townwas bit worried on a saturday night, now I am in the country and worried about being away (only a bit) from my neighbours.
I have found that people close by were happy for me to take their number-offered it in fact, which made me feel a lot better. Remind yourself that on an estate you are surrounded by people, all of whom would be there for you if needed I'm sure!

I think the advice about not watching scary stuff before going to bed is very good, and I also have the radio on until late-so much more of a companion than the tv. I hope you will be very happy in your new home. With four kids, it won't be long before the house is constantly full of visitors and you'll be craving abit of solitude!

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tammyBEARinggifts · 10/12/2004 19:18

there are a few mumsnetters in kent, as im always nosey at their threads as im often in kent as dp lives there. do u know if any are near you? It might make you feel better if you could ask if you could have the key lock changed. Are you particularly friendly with your neighbours?

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msann · 14/12/2004 12:03

ive lived alone ( with 2 dd's) for 2.5 yrs now...& am v comfortable. i find that having a routine of locking doors etc on a night b4 bed sets ur mind at rest. just lately i have become v gud friends with my next door neighbour & find a great deal of comfort out of the fact that i know she is only next door. it feels odd if i know shes away somewhere! take heart... you WILL get used to it....or mebbe u wont need to if Prince Charming appears!