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Ex lacks parenting skills

6 replies

PennyLane453 · 21/05/2023 06:21

So, me and my ex have a horrible relationship. There will be no coparenting. He is a bad person. Our oldest is 12 and no longer sees his dad. That's a whole other topic.

We parallel parent which is how it needs to be for me to stay emotionally healthy. He is not allowed to contact me unless it is through a third party.

A couple days ago, I came home to find him parked in my driveway. It is currently his time with the kids. When I arrive, my 2 youngest (8 and 7) come running out of his vehicle crying. He basically had a huge fight with them in which my 8 year old ran away. He then chased him down got him in his vehicle, drove them to my house and left them here. He is supposed to have them the next 8 days. It was all very dramatic. I did not him I just quickly came inside. These types.of situations are common with him. Idk what to do!

The fight happened bc my kids didn't say hi to his gf. She told on them and was upset, then when she left my ex proceeded to yell and scream about it as that's what he does. My kids told him they don't like his gf then he basically blew up with rage and my 8 year old ran. It's been 3 days and I haven't even heard from him. I am.not reaching out it idk do!

OP posts:
EllandRd · 21/05/2023 06:35

Do nothing and keep the kids with you where they are safe and happy.

YukoandHiro · 21/05/2023 06:42

Record every incident like this and apply for sole custody

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 21/05/2023 07:23

8 days seems like a long time to be away from you. Is it half term or something? Maybe suggest through your contact to have shorter periods with him?

Fraaahnces · 21/05/2023 07:28

Document it all and see if you can get full custody

MintJulia · 21/05/2023 07:31

Don't do anything until he requests further contact with the DCS. Then, ask them if they would like to see their dad. If they say no, then abide by their wishes.

If they want to see him, make it short, maybe just an afternoon, to build up their confidence again. If they don't, you need to explain to him in writing that following his outburst last time, his children are now frightened to be with him, and need a break.

Are SS involved? Who do you have to support you?

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 21/05/2023 07:44

I'd write it all down now, document everything in case you need it. I'd also be speaking to the children's school for several reasons;

  1. This is traumatic and you need as many adults as you can watching out for them.

2. One of them might tell someone and you don't want it to look like you're hiding this and you definitely don't want to tell them to hide this.
3. To see if the school has counseling available or can refer you to any services that can help.
4.To get it on record.

The priority right now is getting your DC through this. If at all possible they need to see a Psychologist. If you can't afford it that means a lot of extra work when you're probably already deeply exhausted by what he's put you through for years. I felt like crying when I thought my post had disappeared, that kind of exhausted. Unfortunately the reality is usually if you don't/can't then nothing will happen. I'm not trying to be trite there, I don't think there are really any words for how hard this is and I'm sorry he's putting you all through more of this. School, GP, DV charities, things like Barnados, religious charities, universities that have psychology courses, are some places you might find free or at least cheaper support. I wish you all the best with it.
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