Hi everyone,
I'm a single mum to a 6 year old, currently 25 weeks pregnant, whilst studying an Access course, busy busy! I stopped working before I found out I was pregnant for a few reasons. I've also recently been through something quite traumatic involving dv and my ex partner.
Now, the reason to my post, my mum ever since I stopped working has been asking me to have my 11 year old brother at least weekly, sometimes twice or three times weekly, this includes picking him up from school and then going to pick up my daughter from school and also having him during the school holidays, occasionally whilst my daughter is at holiday club, all whilst being pregnant! Most of the time, it is because she has to work, but now I seem to have become a babysitter for when she needs to do things for herself and go places with her friends. And I feel it is a little unfair that I register my daughter into holiday club to give me some retrieve and a bit of a reset, but then I'm still left watching my brother, so it doesn't really feel like a break at all because I don't get time to myself to do anything that I actually want to do.
The last time I went somewhere for myself without my daughter was my birthday, August 2022, my mum was supposed to have my daughter for 2 nights then, but even then it didn't come without it's hurdles, as I had my mum constantly texting me that my sisters weren't helping her out with my daughter, who is very independent anyway, but my mum/sisters wouldn't know this as they doesn't spend much time with their granddaughter/niece. Whilst she was supposed to be there, I had registered my daughter for holiday club, so she was only at my mums for a few hours until my mum would have to drive her to holiday club, but because of the stress I ended up collecting my daughter early and taking her home, cancelling my birthday plans. After this stressful situation, I decided that anything I wanted to do for myself, I would simply wait until my daughter was older or until I am in a better position to afford a babysitter, my daughter's dad is not involved at all, so I'm completely on my own.
However, now I feel like I'm constantly on the go inbetween being a single mum, having my brother and also being pregnant, which isn't without its difficulties already. On top of this, my mental health is at all time low after going through what I did with my ex-partner. Another issue is, my brother is the youngest, he's been spoilt beyond belief, to the point where things I wouldn't have to remind my 6 year old about or things he's asks me to do for him, I wouldn't even have to do for my 6 year old! For example, I gave both my daughter and brother lunch, once they had finished, my daughter cleared her plate, scraped any food left in the bin and put her plate in the sink, whilst my brother put his plate in the sink, food still left on it? I only realised after he had left that this is what he had done, and by this time the food was soggy and had ended up all over my sink. Whenever he leaves, I'm left cleaning up after him, cups, any mess, because this is how my mum treats him at home, she cleans up after him. He also doesn't have any patience with my daughter and my daughter actually believes he doesn't like her because he never wants to play with her or interact with her, so I have to be on constant supervision when he is here as well.
My mum doesn't ever offer to have my daughter, take her anywhere or spend any time with her and I refuse to ask mainly because of the stress that comes with it. I don't mind helping her out every now and then, but I feel it is becoming a bit ridiculous now, especially with me being pregnant as well. Ever since the age of 10, I have been watching my siblings, from the days when my mum used to go out clubbing at night and I'd have to wake up in the night to feed my 5 month old sister, or when she would need to go work or wherever and leave me watching both my sisters. These things, I would never expect of my daughter and when I do have baby number 2, I will NOT be using my daughter as a live-in babysitter the way my mum did to me. I'm not expecting my mum to raise my daughter as I am her mother and honestly as hard as it is, I do enjoy it, but a little help every now and then would be nice, especially since I have been constantly helping her without complaint since I was a child and still am now as an adult and a mother to my own child. Am I wrong for feeling annoyed here?