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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Co parenting frustration

12 replies

pinkpjs85 · 22/04/2023 06:22

Just a bit of a frustrated post. My ex lives 45 mins away from me (his choice). We both work full time and currently share weekends (his choice, I would rather do every other weekend full weekends). I am getting increasingly frustrated that I don't get any quality time or whole weekends with my child but his argument is I see her through the week so it's not fair on him. This week he said he wanted her Fri-Sat. So I said great and can he drop her off at 5pm Saturday. When I dropped her off yesterday he said he won't be dropping her off on Saturday night, that it's not fair on him and he'll drop her off early Sunday morning. I'm so upset, I feel so out of control of things. I am more than fair with contact and put up with the fact that he barely pays anything and I have to work two jobs to make ends meet. I am going to say it's fine to have her tonight (as I don't want the grief) and then say going forward we should do every other weekend. I don't think it's fair that I shouldn't have quality time with my daughter either. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Namechange224422 · 22/04/2023 06:54

Every other weekend sounds really reasonable and it’s a really standard way of splitting the time.

Could you give the option for along weekend if you think he wants more time? He could pick up from school on Friday night and drop back to school on Monday morning.

The other option which some people do is one mid- week evening in addition to the every other weekend. So pick up from school and then drop home before bed time.

GrazingSheep · 22/04/2023 06:54

Is this court ordered? If not then consider going to court to get the arrangement formalised. Also apply to CMS.

Weallgottachangesometime · 22/04/2023 06:56

YANBU and I’m pretty sure court would probably decided each have every other weekend contact.

Have you tried mediation to develop a formal plan. You could do that and then request an order for that plan.

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 06:57

Get this formalised in a parenting agreement. He shouldn't be able to make demands like this.

Hepherlous · 22/04/2023 07:23

I'm in a similar position and you need to have the proper weekend down time with your DCs while also having some proper weekend downtime to yourself. Annoying when they move just far away enough that they can't help meaningfully during the week but then want it their way at weekends. My kids tell me they'd find splitting each weekend really disruptive. Stand firm in asking for EOW and anything else that you works best for your DC. CAFCASS have a template parenting plan you can complete on line and use. If he won't agree then it's generally mediation followed by court.

Original poster

pinkpjs85 · 22/04/2023 07:54

Thank you for all your kind replies. I've agreed we have every other bank holiday weekend and if he wants to take her on holiday he can when he wants. I have not agreed to mid week days because he is flaky and also it's unsettling for her at such a young age. I text him this morning to say he can have her tonight and he reads never replies to confirm plans. He was very controlling in our relationship and I feel he uses our child as control. There are many times he moans about not seeing her, then he will call me up when she is crying for mummy and bring her back early. Lots of good advice... it's a frustrating situation as I never stop him seeing his child but he makes me out like I am and I feel I'm going mad.

OP posts:

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 07:58

Sounds like mediation and a parenting agreement will be good for all parties tbh so I'd go that route

YellowGreenBlue · 22/04/2023 08:10

Could you reply "ok that's fine, actually it works better for me to have her Friday to Sunday next weekend so maybe we could do the same again then".

lidlbrownjug · 22/04/2023 08:16

Honestly just get a CAO. It makes things so much simpler.

MaryTemple · 22/04/2023 13:53

I second mediation, they will encourage him to agree a fixed plan.

Plus try the app Our Family Wizard which is a way for tracking arrangements and communicating for separated parents. There is an option to get it free or reduced price if you're on a low income.

RandomMess · 22/04/2023 14:08

Go to mediation and then if he still messes you about then court.

Let him have a midweek, he'll either find it too much hassle or step up. EOW is absolutely fair in you both getting quality time.

I guess next week refuse to drop off as it will be your weekend.

TimeToBreakFree · 02/05/2023 20:08

What does your daughter want? Sounds like she's a pawn on the board with no choice over what happens to her or where she spends the night.

Also, what comes across is how you kowtow to his wishes. That's not an easy place for you or your daughter. I'd seriously try to find ways to stop doing that.

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