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Original poster

Would you reply to these messages from ex?

36 replies

NeedSleepNow · 15/04/2023 22:53

Ex and I have been separated 2 years, and are currently going through a divorce. We have three kids who live with me (he has them every other weekend and sees them once midweek too, more during school holidays). Every time he gets depressed or angry about something he starts sending me texts about how I don't communicate with him, everything is my fault, I am so unfair to him, his life has been ruined by me, he can't believe what I am doing....

Would you reply to him to spell out what was previously agreed between us at mediation or ignore his angry texts and give him more ammo that I am not communicating properly etc. I am just so fed up with this shit, I know he is finding it hard but the kids needs a calm and stable home with me (his behaviour and moods can be quite volatile and as a result his relationship with our eldest is pretty bad).

I worry about what to reply in texts/emails as if he does decide to take me to court could he use anything I say against me? (for this reason I have in the past ignored some of his messages not wanting to get drawn into angry conversations).

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 16/04/2023 09:04

PaigeMatthews · 16/04/2023 08:34

Dont react to the crying. Just point out how incredibly manipulative it is. Then remind him of the order. Tell him generally as little as possible about your life.

I try to tell him very little and then he tells the kids that I am lying to him, withholding information, keeping things a secret. He wants to know every single thing we all do, where we are, who they are seeing and when. My feeling is that if it is in my time with them, it doesn't matter if I sign them up for another club (especially as I would be paying), or if I make plans for them to see friends, organise trips out etc. but he thinks I should be consulting or informing him first and giving him all the details.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 16/04/2023 09:12

You are absolutely right, when they are with you what you do with them is none of his business (it works both ways though).

Next time he asks where you are going, who you are with etc just say "I'm sure the children will tell you when they see you" the children will ofcourse forget although I'm not sure I like the idea of putting them in the middle like that. Or just don't reply. He needs a gf or a hobby and at the moment wearing you down is all he has going for him.

PaigeMatthews · 16/04/2023 09:17

Ignore what he says to the children. When he is gone just remind them that it isnt true.

sadly, he will likely do this until they are adults. Blaming you. Id seriously be doing handovers with someone else there, friend relative neighbour anyone, and communicating via email about anything necessary. And keeping all communication with him. Follow up any of his ridiculousness with an email.

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 16/04/2023 09:32

@Singleandproud I said to him the other week that I wouldn't expect him to tell me what they have planned for their time together. I thought a little while ago that he might have a girlfriend and had really hoped that would take the pressure off me a bit but I must have been wrong as nothing has changed.

OP posts:
Sittwritt · 16/04/2023 10:21

You must stop this carry on if his, and getting embroiled in his engineered situations. This is why you wanted a separating right?

So any unwanted contact you write to him and say this is unrelated to making child arrangements and as such unwanted contact please stop.

You only need two pieces of unwanted contact for it to constitute as harassment. You just go to police say he’s harassing you. They they invite him for an interview under caution. In any case it will stop.

It’s what needs to happen. This coercive crap is punishable by law. And it’s not a joke.

Sittwritt · 16/04/2023 10:31

You can even do it on 101 website say he’s making unwanted contact. Just because you were married he does not own you if get a right to abuse not now not today not ever. Sure you share kids but that’s all. And it must be kept to that. You can always say he makes you feel unsafe which he does in some way, emotionally.

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 16/04/2023 10:48

Thankyou @Sittwritt . My solicitor did suggest this it a strongly worded letter from her pointing out it was harrassment and earning that I would retort to police in the future. I suppose I feel guilty about even considering this action and worry that he will try to make my life as difficult as possible if I do go down that route.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 16/04/2023 10:49

NeedSleepNow · 16/04/2023 10:48

Thankyou @Sittwritt . My solicitor did suggest this it a strongly worded letter from her pointing out it was harrassment and earning that I would retort to police in the future. I suppose I feel guilty about even considering this action and worry that he will try to make my life as difficult as possible if I do go down that route.

Sorry lots of typos in that last post from me 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Sittwritt · 16/04/2023 10:57

The letter from solicitor is 2ooo. Going to police with 2 samples of abusive combs from him is free. Whatever you do keep a log of all this shite no matter how minor. Good luck.

Sittwritt · 16/04/2023 10:58

The reason the latter one works is he won’t want a police record as it will affect his earnings so you will find he starts to behave.

DianaBarry5 · 16/04/2023 11:50

No response is a response

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