Coping not seeing your child on their birthday

[singlemumhelp]

Pretty much as the title says. Working out for the next year when my weekends are.
Yet again Mother's Day falls on his weekend to have our son; and if it's anything like this year he won't allow our son to wake up with me as believes that his gf should share the day as she is his mum to. He even bought her a card saying to the best mum in the world from our son for her.

Then I work out his 10th birthday he will be waking up and spending the whole day there.
Thungs aren't exactly civil and his gf will not allow me to have him out of spite. Which just saddens me because I gave birth to him. We now live a 5 minute walk away and they have him no extra than every other weekend. I also want to be the one to buy him his first phone which I was going to do for his 10th birthday. I want to make sure it all links up with his iPad and the settings are the restrictions I believe. I'm not sure whether I give him the phone the day before so he has his first phone from me that way! As also his dad wants to
Look at giving one of their old phones. Up until last year they have never done big expensive gifts, and always told me in advance what they bought but last year bought him a iPad for their house (he's had one here for years) so I feel the games are now being. This Easter she spent obscene amount and filmed giving him gifts to send me whilst smirking at the camera.

Is it a case of just suck it up. I hate it all, stupidly
I have gone back through all our messages and when she told me she was my friend and saving my marriage and then they had an affair, me and him go back together and she stalked me at work and wouldn't leave him alone until he eventually left us again, she is getting more and more vocal and opionated. This week has asked for his reading diary to check I have been reading with him.
Like if you cared love you would have him more than twice a month.
I need to rant, feel my mum is sick of hearing it.

We have agreed to do every other year for
Christmas so techinically next year is his year for
Christmas so maybe I can hope I will get to see
Him for his birthday. I always do his birthday party on his actual birthday and I doubt they will plan it with all his friends.

You sound like a great Mum. I'm sure your Son will be looking forward to his birthday with you, even if it's not on the actual day. It's a shame that you can't organise things without your ex's gf input. Does she communicate with you more than him? It doesn't sound ideal but if it has to be that way, maybe you could do a group chat between the three of you.

Tell her to fuck off! You're his mum not her!! I say this as an ex step mum and someone who respects my ex husbands gf she wouldn't DARE

Tell him he's lucky he has two birthdays and his birthday with you is going to be on the Thursday or Friday before.
Mothers Day can just change to the week before.
It really doesn't matter what the date on the calendar is - it just matters that you get to celebrate the event with your child.

Having just spent Easter alone without my DC as it was his weekend (which he extended because it was also half term) I fully get where you are coming from. It's sh*t and totally not your doing 😞 Christmas I won't back down on.. he gave up that right when he chose his dick over his family. I'm actually struggling with taking the higher moral ground and there are some good suggestions here - far better than mine 🫣

sounds really hard for you. But make sure you have boundaries in place. When she asked for his reading book to check up on you she has completely overstepped. This is none of her business. Completely ignore. You don’t ask for an itinerary of what they do on their weekend. Make sure you celebrate his birthday prior to the actual day. Give him what present you want to. Don’t let them walk over you. The sending you videos is intended to upset you. Do not view them and don’t be too open with them on what you do in your time. You are doing the vast majority of the parenting so continue as you are doing now.

How about your own special day prior or afterwards with your family?
Expensive gifts and competitive games by the gf is best to leave them to it?
Smug smiles, oh please she must be insecure herself or small minded to act in such a way.
Save your money on your child's favorite meal out or a activity you can do together.
No matter what, you will always be his mother.

Focus on the good stuff, the good times, all boys love Mum.
Can he run down and give you a birthday hug? Quick call?
Refuse to take notice even though it can be a challenge.
To behave in such a way implies she is threated... (how sad).

Try not to overthink it, do the celebrations on different days when u have him.
Make sure u have things to do so u rnt at home sad.

Thank you, we do have a group chat as she won't allow him to communicate privately with me. I'll perhaps do his birthday next year the day before he goes to his dads just in case he says I can have him and then can his mind or whatever.
I am just at my wits end tbh. The way she messages. The tone of the messages, jd was never like this to begin with. Like csa she believes she earns the money and not him and doesn’t want it to be increased as she feels it’s funding my lifestyle. I work 3 jobs to have what we have. We have just moved house and she messages saying ‘it’s nice he finally has another nice bedroom in his life but the desk and tv are a little small’ ‘we saved 8 grand to move and buy everything’…
Well I would have but it cost me the 8grand to just move. They lived with her mum and dad for the first 5 years of their relationship. I blocked her on Fb because I am sick of seeing everything and her calling him hers, and when he had nits she put it all over fb to make me look back. I pick up the majority of the parenting slack. Parents evening we went together last year and she turned around and said she didn’t like it because she didn’t get enough attention of the teacher, so this year they didn’t even tell me they went seperate to me. I can’t believe now we live 5 minute walk away they have him no extra, she messaged me last weekend and told me to keep my front door shut when they drop him off. She never came to drop off before as I use to meet him in a car perk to save the drive to mine. Now she comes to every single one and stands outside the house as they will not have contact with me. In her eyes ‘you can’t have it both ways you can’t have us being nice and talking but not want us as friends on fb’.. there never use to be any competition at birthdsy or Christmas for gifts and now she makes it a competition. I just want to scream tbh. All
Seems to have got worse since we had a meeting last year and mum was there and she said to him he doesn't do much and doesn't do the parenting role he should and was when we lived together. They very much are any a single life they always go on holiday without him. They have never used holiday to have him. Since then she has taken over doing the bits he should, we also reiterated how she was claiming to be saving my marriage all those years ago not stealing him like she had. And how when he came back to us she stalked my work and gave us no chance to work. He still stayed every week he had our child for about 9 months and mum did remind her we sent her evidence and now she's been OTt. Our son has said he feels sorry for when they do have a baby as the baby won't know what havinf w nice life is :(

Don’t respond to any messages in the group chat if you don’t like the tone. You have no obligation to do so. Maybe just grey rock. Sounds like your son will stop going there as soon as he is deemed old enough to make the choice himself

He even bought her a card saying to the best mum in the world from our son for her.

What the hell!? They sound awful. I would have thought it would go without saying that mother's day would be spent with you and weekends can swap over.

And if his birthday falls on a weekend his Dad has him surely he should still let you see him on the actual day, even if just for a couple of hours?