After a long and very traumatic 5 year relationship with my partner we are finally separating for good, with a beautiful little 8 year old DD to think of.
Unfortunately I am a victim of emotional abuse who stuck around, hoping things would get better (having lived it for years I can confirm it really doesn’t, only gets worse). My ex is extremely manipulative, very clever and can be VERY cruel. He possesses quite psychotic behaviour in that he lacks empathy, takes pleasure in my pain and really enjoys kicking a dog when they’re down (usually me.) He has never been physical and I genuinely don’t think he would to me as there have been many occasions he could have but didn’t, but regardless has put me through horrific emotional pain throughout my pregnancy and beyond until this day. We did have SS involved at one point as the midwives in the hospital were concerned over his behaviour towards me, but they discharged us after running an assessment (this was pretty much down to me telling them it’s ok now - which largely I wanted to do to get them away from us).
Anyway, we moved into a new home together (rented) and agreed to co-parent under the same roof while I found my feet again (I am freelance and need to find a job to get income again post mat leave) and also to share tasks in order for the above to happen (he doesn’t do this though). He has now told me if we are separating we need to both move out of this house into separate places which means I will need to pay another deposit, pay for moving, pack up everything and unpack everything again just 2 months after doing this with him. I don’t have this kind of money nor the energy to do this again. I would also need to go on multiple viewings again with DD which is an extremely difficult task given I do not drive (in the process of doing so so hopefully will soon!)
I told him given HE did not uphold his end of the bargain in staying calm and helping out with DD it should be HIM who leaves and DD and I stay in the house we are currently living in, given we have only just settled here. He is saying he will move out but refuses to pay his half of the rent if he does, despite the fact he’s on the tenancy agreement. I cannot afford to pay for our home in full without his half paid, even the bills will likely be too high to handle alone. I also am very fearful of living here alone without any help at all (he does bathe her in the evenings). Does anyone have any advice for me? AIBU to expect him to leave and pay his half? Or should I try to move again (this will eat up the last of my savings)? And does anyone have any advice for me in co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner?
I should add, he appears to love DD very much, however my therapist has told me to keep an eye on him to ensure he does not use these tactics on her in the future.
He also has agreed to pay towards her but only the govt minimum.. (and he is a high earner).