Child maintenance

singlemumhelp · 2023-04-01T10:22:31+00:00

Some advice please. Maybe I am cutting my nose of but my ex oertner never pays on the 1st of the month like we agreed I always have to chase and yes he apologises, his girlfriend claims he doesn't earn that much but as a trainee lawyer who's worked at the firm a few years doing more than 40 hours a week I am sure he earns at least minimum wage. Currently pays £185 a month which isn't bad but this hasn't gone up in years! I stopped CMS as he believed that they didn't give w fair figure which tbf back then they said he should pay £20 a month less. Thing is cost of everything has gone up, so his maintenance should to. We have moved closer now (literally a 5 minute walk) and he doesn't see him anymore than he did before hand! Am I being unfair if I was to make a new CMS claim because I am sick of chasing him and it feels like a power thing or could it just make it worse. I wouldn't want to push it to him seeing the kid more to pay less because my son wouldn't Cope with that. Problem is iver the last few years the step mother to be is more and more opinated, and basically rules the roost and the decisions they make regarding my son. That is a while seperate post as she Infuriates the crap out of me. I just want to non judgmental advice as it's harder asking family who would evidently be on my side.

honeybunsleo · 01/04/2023 12:06

I think there two things to take into consideration.
Could you cope financially if CMS awarded you less money? Does he have the child overnight and how many times in a years period is this?

Would you want your child to stay more with them if that's what he pushes for because it may cause him to pay less money?

Maybe have a conversation with your ex about money. At the end of the day if he was paying £20 less when you went through them last time it's likely going to be more than what your getting now with the rises in pay ect.
You don't have to word it as your struggling but I would say to him, I think I would like to open a maintenance case again because with the rises in cost of living ect it is becoming increasingly more expensive and at least we don't have to have an awkward conversations about how much money your earning. :)

Original poster

singlemumhelp · 01/04/2023 12:38

@honeybunsleo unfortunately he goes back and discusses every conversation with his gf as then he will say whatever she wants. His job has since changed and he is now also over 25 so on the bigger minimum wage. With what I have been told by his family it would be a extra £45 ish a month.

He currently has him every other weekends. But I have to pay the after school club where she picks him up from so then his dad doesn't have to come meet me to do drop off. Ans then he comes home at 3 on Sunday. So they only feed him Saturday evening I do everything else as he gets fed at after school xlub. Living a 5 minute walk away instead of a 20 minute journey would make you think he would want to see him more but he doesn't.

I could cope without the money it's the principle, but they also always tell our son that I'm not poor, I can afford it anyways and that if he wants something to ask me. I work 3 jobs and work my ass off, use some of the other child's DLA for treats for both the kids as they both go through it, family often gift money for our holidays etc. it just infuriates me how they think they can get away with bare minimum, but it's just is it worth even more arguing to go through csa.

OP posts:

honeybunsleo · 01/04/2023 13:41

singlemumhelp · 01/04/2023 12:38

@honeybunsleo unfortunately he goes back and discusses every conversation with his gf as then he will say whatever she wants. His job has since changed and he is now also over 25 so on the bigger minimum wage. With what I have been told by his family it would be a extra £45 ish a month.

He currently has him every other weekends. But I have to pay the after school club where she picks him up from so then his dad doesn't have to come meet me to do drop off. Ans then he comes home at 3 on Sunday. So they only feed him Saturday evening I do everything else as he gets fed at after school xlub. Living a 5 minute walk away instead of a 20 minute journey would make you think he would want to see him more but he doesn't.

I could cope without the money it's the principle, but they also always tell our son that I'm not poor, I can afford it anyways and that if he wants something to ask me. I work 3 jobs and work my ass off, use some of the other child's DLA for treats for both the kids as they both go through it, family often gift money for our holidays etc. it just infuriates me how they think they can get away with bare minimum, but it's just is it worth even more arguing to go through csa.

Then I'd open a case, I also wouldn't be paying for after school clubs in the days they are supposed to be caring for him. It's their responsibility to organise it in the days they have him.

He's going to be in a lot more money when he's qualified, cms will take into account bonus ect.
At least opening a case you know where you stand and maybe it might encourage him to be a more active parent. That way your cutting out the girlfriends opinion too. You will be completely in control x

Original poster

singlemumhelp · 01/04/2023 13:57

@honeybunsleo thank you: it's so hard to know what to do for the best. I don't want to start world war 3 but also sick and tired of everything. Hate how they plaster things all over Facebook theoioohr the week to make it look like they have him more. She doesn't want him doing drop off with me however also they wouldn't take responsibility from when he finishes school I am expected to hang around until whenever he finishes after 5 which means being selfish it eats into my child free weekend. My other son goes to his dads straight after school so it's nice to think
I can finish work at 1.30 and then have that time seeing as they drop them back so early Sundays. My youngest is autistic so it's so full on I look forward to my weekends.

I am going to look at re starting a case and see what happens x

OP posts:

rockingbird · 01/04/2023 18:17

I'm having a similar issue.. should be paid CM on 1st of the month and always have to ask where it is. In my instance I think it's purely a control thing, but it boils my piss quite frankly. He's quick to send me his incurred costs spreadsheet monthly though.. we are talking pennies to tight fisted twat. So in summary you have my sympathy OP! It's massively annoying and totally unnecessary.

Original poster

singlemumhelp · 02/04/2023 10:54

@rockingbird I don't get quite this extend but it frustrating when I get well we spent this on this.. it's like he's your child and you should
Provide these thungs. I have to pay his after school bill fhe every other Friday he has him. I think it is a control thing as he never sets up standing order he transfers direct. They get some sick satisfaction of making us ask xx

OP posts:

rockingbird · 02/04/2023 12:06

I'm paying all clubs, always have.. I'm actually going to see how long this month he holds off paying CM. Radio silence, which means no contact - he's supposed to have the children from Friday - Tuesday this coming weekend (again deliberately extending the length as it's Easter and he knows we'd likely go away). It's all about control - always has been. I've not factored in his CM into anything because I can't trust that it's paid when it should be. All it does is strengthen my hatred ☺️ very sad isn't it. All too often the mother is left to get in with it.

Original poster

singlemumhelp · 02/04/2023 12:42

@rockingbird it really is. My mum has recommended that I perhaps say I know csa are doing annual reviews and as we haven't reviewed it for so long now that perhaps we need to either negotiate or go through csa. I just had how he makes me fear asking the question xx

OP posts:

rockingbird · 02/04/2023 13:05

I'm thinking the same, as much as I don't want to go down that route! He's a business owner and very good at hiding money so no doubt will pull a fast one on me. It's like being belittled asking for money to provide for your children 'which they also brought into this world'..! I'd happily not take a penny if he'd just bugger off 😉 he won't though.. sadly I never saw myself in this position 12 years on but I also wasn't the one to live a double life whilst working overseas. I need to get my big girl pants on and take him to the cleaners but I just don't have the mental strength for that right now.

Original poster

singlemumhelp · 02/04/2023 13:12

Yup. He has an affair with this girl. She now claims my child will always be her first born; she feels she can make the decisions and they can be like this. She claims she earns all the money. I am just sick and tored. He can't really hide his income is the only lucky thing I suppose. It's just wrong x

OP posts:

taxpayer1 · 02/04/2023 21:06

rockingbird · 02/04/2023 13:05

I'm thinking the same, as much as I don't want to go down that route! He's a business owner and very good at hiding money so no doubt will pull a fast one on me. It's like being belittled asking for money to provide for your children 'which they also brought into this world'..! I'd happily not take a penny if he'd just bugger off 😉 he won't though.. sadly I never saw myself in this position 12 years on but I also wasn't the one to live a double life whilst working overseas. I need to get my big girl pants on and take him to the cleaners but I just don't have the mental strength for that right now.

So don't ask! Simple.

PaigeMatthews · 02/04/2023 21:11

singlemumhelp · 02/04/2023 12:42

@rockingbird it really is. My mum has recommended that I perhaps say I know csa are doing annual reviews and as we haven't reviewed it for so long now that perhaps we need to either negotiate or go through csa. I just had how he makes me fear asking the question xx

Id go with this.

rockingbird · 03/04/2023 10:01

@taxpayer1 I'm not going to ask .. what's your beef? I wouldn't at all be surprised if your my eh with that name and attitude- he's been known to stalk me, hack my email, phone and track my car. For that reason today I'll be going incognito!

megletthesecond · 03/04/2023 10:05

rock that poster is a bored troll. They pop up here every so often. Best to ignore them as they'll get bored and find something else to do instead.

PopethYnIawn · 03/04/2023 10:08

Just be aware, that they will reduce the amount he pays by the 1 night a week that he has them.

And they use last years HMRC info. So wait a month or 2 so they use the most recent.

They won't reasses until the annual review unless his income has risen more than 25%.

And they won't collect an underpayment if less than 10%.

If he's being a cunt, then he'll find a way to fuck you over. And CMS make sure they've got plenty of ways to do it.

taxpayer1 · 03/04/2023 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/04/2023 10:34

singlemumhelp · 02/04/2023 12:42

@rockingbird it really is. My mum has recommended that I perhaps say I know csa are doing annual reviews and as we haven't reviewed it for so long now that perhaps we need to either negotiate or go through csa. I just had how he makes me fear asking the question xx

It is also now that CSA do the annual reviews with new tax year.
I did a quick calculation. If he is £25K (this was the lowest I could find for first year trainer solicitor many much higher) which as a trainee lawyer I would think he is at least on it should be £240 per month. I would ask him to use the calculator as that is the legal
minimum.
So if he offers less I would go to CSA

taxpayer1 · 03/04/2023 11:09

rockingbird · 03/04/2023 10:01

@taxpayer1 I'm not going to ask .. what's your beef? I wouldn't at all be surprised if your my eh with that name and attitude- he's been known to stalk me, hack my email, phone and track my car. For that reason today I'll be going incognito!

It is just a suggestion. If it is so unpleasant, just raise your children on your own. A few hundred a month is not worth the hassle. It is just my opinion. whoever has a different opinion is called a troll.

Popalina65 · 03/04/2023 11:31

I personally let CMS handle our financial affairs. It will be a true reflection of his income and you are well protected. It is reviewed annually and they can place a detachment of earning if necessary. I wouldn't worry about his new gf..... she sounds like she needs her wings clipped and this will do it.

Honestly, it's the best thing I ever did.

amiold · 03/04/2023 12:04

@taxpayer1 out of curiosity do you think non resident parents should pay nothing towards their kids?

amiold · 03/04/2023 12:06

Popalina65 · 03/04/2023 11:31

I personally let CMS handle our financial affairs. It will be a true reflection of his income and you are well protected. It is reviewed annually and they can place a detachment of earning if necessary. I wouldn't worry about his new gf..... she sounds like she needs her wings clipped and this will do it.

Honestly, it's the best thing I ever did.

The only issue with trying to "clip her wings" will be she could do the same to op long term. Ex husband could reduce his hours if his partner is higher earner. He could go self employed in backlash. He could apply for more contact. They could have a kid and say they live separate and reduce maintenance.

I agree £185 is pathetic for two kids but I wouldn't like it to come back and bite op

GreenGoblin0 · 03/04/2023 21:40

If you have a private arrangement then you should really review it yearly anyway when he gets his p60-these are issued around 5 April so it's good timing..if he refuses then go to cms as this is what they will ask for anyway

scottishcat · 28/09/2023 12:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Spannahannah123 · 20/01/2024 09:58

Hi I have received my new annual review statement for the next year, I don’t understand it because it says the other parent is liable for £131.67 per week but then in the summary box it says £188.10 per month. I don’t understand at all ? There’s nothing that’s taken from the steps of how they work it out.