Maintenance

[grumpydwarf]

To set a bit of background - my ex has our child every other weekend and half of the holidays. We have a formal court order in place and CMS to work out maintenance payments. This has worked well for a number of years as we have nothing to argue about and I'm reluctant to change this.
He has recently asked that when the yearly maintenance review happens by CMS we switch to an agreed amount between us. I asked if this was because he had a good year last year and it was due to go up. He said that he had an ok year but received bonus payments and commission too which may make his payment for our child higher. He said the reason he wants to agree a different (I assume lower) figure was "cost of living and paying off debts from a holiday he took his partner and our child on".
I don't want to agree a different sum as the cost of living is effecting everyone not just him and don't think him having an expensive holiday should make a difference to the maintenance payment he is due to pay but also don't want to argue or fight with him.

Nope, he is an arse. And he needs to just pay for his child. Why should you pay towards his holiday.

Just tell him that you're struggling with the cost of living too and that you're going to stick with CMS. He might be annoyed, but really, there is not much he can do. After all, his DC's food is getting more expensive.

Reply
' no sorry that's not possible, i think its best all round if we stick to the cms figure so there is no discrepancies

I would say no too. It's not your fault that he went on a holiday that was too expensive and having the CMS do the calculations is the least stressful way for you.

Dont agree to anything.
However i did not agree and my ex who earns ££££ appealed on the recalculation (same circumstances as you) and instead of the extra 248 he was meant to pay he appealed on cost of living.basis... obviously not concerned about keeping kids warm and reduced the increase to £25.

Thanks I really don't want to agree to it as cost of living is effecting everyone but also I've worked hard to build a decent ish enough relationship with him for the sake of my son and don't want to jeopardise that either.
It just feels a really harsh ask for him to expect me to take less money because they had a posh holiday last year and overspent at Xmas!
Surely cost of living should be taken into account both ways if anything!

No he can fuck right off

Just say that then. "Look we are getting on great and im pleased, so lets just leave the finances to the CMS, its out of my hands now" then never discuss it again.

That's a better response than mine

That was the exact reason I went to the CMS in the first place. I don't want to discuss money with him as he always feels hard done by paying anything.
He knows that but I feel he's trying to take advantage of us getting on to guilt me into letting him off

Stop giving a shit about him or his feelings. Care only about your child. Say your piece, no further discussion.

Tell him to take a run and jump!!

My ex done this when csa folded, paying me £170 then after few years he refused to tell me his salary so I went to cms and it should have been approx £280 for the last five years!!

Don’t feel guilty about it, it’s what you’re legally entitled to and his excuses are flimsy.

The only circumstances in which I’d advise caution is if he is likely to lose work, reduce his hours or go self-employed, at which case the CMS amount might go down, and he may or may not decide to reduce your amount accordingly then? But only you know how likely that’d be.

Eeee the cheek of him, so because he's in debt and wants to pay if his lovely holiday it means the money used to support his child should be reduced?

No....

Don't feel guilt Hes taking the absolute p......