Ex is in hospital - sounds serious - how am I meant to feel?

[IdreamofClooney]

Hi

My Ex is in hospital with a brain haemorrage - it sounds pretty serious.

I am finding it very hard to know how to feel and act.

It only happened last night so I have not said anything to DS (2.5) other than that I would collect him from nursery, not Daddy as usual.

I am really worreid how I am going to cope finanicially and of course that makes me feel selfish and mercinary. Ex usually takes DS two afternoons a week and pays £300 a month child maintainance towards nursery fees. Now the nursery fees will go up to £172 a week (gulp) and I will have £300 less a month to pay them with. I really do not know how I am going to cope.

I work full time and can take some holidays and hope that the nursery will be flexible and only charge me for the days that DS is there as it will be more than his usual hours anyway even if I take one day off a week for a while.

Ex's job has NO beneifts at all so we won't get any money from him and he has no savings or insurance. I have a policy that will pay out if Ex has a terminal illness but I don't think it will cover this.

I feel sick worrying about it then feel even sicker as I am worrying about money really not about Ex (who made my life a misery for years and still tried to now).

Am I a awful person?

I think you need to arrange a meeting with your employers and make sure they know axactly what is going on, officially. That way you're covered if you need to take (e.g.) some parental leave which might help in the short term.

Re your DS seeing your ex in hospital, would it be possible to discuss it with his mum? If she agrees that it would be distressing (not sure what her relationship is like with her grandchild) it would help if your ex starts pulling a guilt trip on you later on...

Best of luck with what sounds an awful situation. Have you contacted the child tax people just in case?

IDOC, good advice in the previous posts. Please try and get some help if you can as you don't want the worries about childcare and money to make you ill. Could the xMIL help you at all (if she understands the situation)? I'm glad that he is at least in a stable condition. Take care.

EffiePerine had some sensible ideas. If you still have an OK relationship with your exMIL then discuss visiting with her. Maybe a few days after the op when most tubes have been removed, your MIL could take DS to visit. But only if you feel comfortable with her doing this and your exMIL is not too upset. In the meantime could you and DS send in a card and present. For temp part-time childcare try www.Gumtree.co.uk - look at Work Wanted. If you're working from home an aupair or mother's help would be fine.

I am hoping to keep DS in nursery as don;t want to unsettle him but have no idea how I am going to cope.

I work full time but didn;t want DS in nursery full time which is why Ex had him for two afternoons (it was meant to be more than that but that is another story!)

I am chatting to my boss avbout things this afternoon so will see if I can maybe take some annual leave for a day a week for a while as that will decrease scary nursery fees!

My dad is helping me out a bit financially and Ex's mum will look after him when he gets out of hospital but she has shown no interest in seeing DS (has been a year now and she lives approx 1.5 hrs away and has a car) or any mention of how I will cope with extra nursery lack or maintenance etc.