Depressed - can’t afford to work

[Mamabearprotectinghercub]

I got pregnant whilst doing a uni degree in my final year as a mature student - managed to graduate with a first class honours when baby was a few months old. I got into a paid teaching training scheme as it’s my desire to become a teacher - however as a single mother the salary I receive on it would entirely go on nursery fees, so I’d have no money for literally anything else. I don’t really have any other options, now feel like I’ll be trapped in the benefit system until child is 3, then have rubbish/no career options after that. I just feel so trapped now and that my life is ruined and I’m just a massive failure. Is there really no hope for me? People will just see me as a failure and benefits scrounger now. I don’t know what to do.

Universal credit pay 85% of childcare costs, it's just the upfront fee your have to find which I believe they spoke about helping with the upfront costs today

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-62036045

www.charityjob.co.uk/ - lots of remote jobs here

Jeremy Hunt announced 30 hours free childcare for 1 - 2 year olds today. You just have to rethink your plans a bit and do things a bit differently. I worked remotely when my kids were small as that allowed flexibility for school runs etc. It also made it easier to work round illness, appointments & life in general. I've now returned to work full time as my kids are older.

I wanted to tell you that all is not lost, just breathe and think about alternatives whilst the baby is young. Does the baby's father pay maintenance?

@Mamabearprotectinghercub

So you managed to pull a first class degree out of the bag with a new born - how is that being a failure?
Your life isn't ruined, your teaching ambitions are just on hold for a while. We will still need teachers in two years time.

Have you looked into universal credit and what might be available to support you?

It might take longer than you thoughy but you will get there. In the meantime you have a lovely baby to focus on and enjoy.

And it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you

You're not a failure x

Do a masters in educational psychology or something similar or something related to teaching then when you are finished you will have loads more feathers in your hat.

There is a national shortage of educational psychologists in the UK so that's an area you can train in.

And an increasing demand too. Or health psychology is big now too especially with kids being more obese and predicted to get more obese by 2035. Healthcare globally is broken because of the nations lifestyle choices so I think in the next 10 years this is going to grow exponentially. I might get into it. I’d have to lose weight and get healthy first though 😂

Yes, I was very surprised to get the grade I did considering I was looking after a newborn baby alone! However I can’t help but feel it’s all gone to waste now, especially since I’m 30. I feel also that I might be too old to train as teacher in couple of years?

In all honestly, I’d prefer to spend the next two years raising my child, rather than paying someone else to raise her and not being able to do anything fun in spare time due to having no money. I don’t want to miss these early years with her, as she’s an absolute joy and she’s what keeps me going.

people will judge me but your right, I really shouldn’t care about anyone but my baby and her happiness, as well as my own, and she’s what makes me happy.

I’d be interested in this - but do you know if there’s anywhere I can do an online MA in educational psychology? As it wouldn’t be possible for me to go to uni with a child.

You're definitely not a failure and you won't be too old at 32!
So many people completely change their careers/start new degrees at much older age in life.
Present time must be a bit tricky for you but there's nothing to say that your future won't be amazing or you won't get to achieve the things you desire.
Best of luck.

@Mamabearprotectinghercub

definitely not too old to train in your early 30s.

I’m 58 this year and had big career switches when I was 40 and 45. I’m leaving the civil service in two months and starting again as a foster carer.

Also don’t dismiss university with a child in tow, most universties have creches and other support available.

To echo what everyone has said you are amazing and absolutely not a failure. But I totally get your sentiments. I'm 35 and raising my daughter alone and I too sometimes feel like "what is the actual point". While I'm doing everything I can to better my life and my daughter's, the system and men's irresponsibility and sexist approach to seeing child raising as a dual responsibility makes me crumble often.

I love the idea of doing a MA. That's what I'm doing. It's majority distance learning and my daughter has a place in a local nursery which Universal Credit will pay 85% for so now I'm just focusing on raising my little human, who like yours is a complete bundle of joy. It's not fair that we have to put our careers on hold but you know what, you're doing so well and miles better than these men who have no sense of responsibility.

Go get your MA if you can and when the time is right you'll come back fighting and on top in your career. You can even volunteer the odd day to gain school's counselling experience or on a children's helpline so that your CV has some amazing experience by the time you finish your MA.

All the best OP and remember it's not you; the the rotten patriarchal system!

You've got this and for all the bad days (trust me I have my fair share of them) there are some truly amazing moments 🤗.

Hugs of solidarity x

That only applies to income level. When my daughter was young my income was too high to qualify yet to low to be able to juggle childcare costs, plus mortgage and bills. I had to give up my longed for career which took years of training and change direction.

It’s a myth all single parents qualify for help towards childcare. I imagine a teacher salary leave the OP in a similar position.

Love this!

This is fine if that’s what you want to do? Have you looked at universal credit. I changed career at 50.
I also didn’t work till my Ds was in school. I don’t regret my choice

A start out teacher's salary for a single parent (I assume, no mention of dad) should be eligible for childcare help

Have you thought about tutoring?

Its really good experience for teaching, can be done remotely, offers flexible hours if you work for yourself or for a big organisation. Pay isn’t too bad.

You could start off small with one evening a week whilst little one is asleep, and then think about a couple of half days at nursery whilst you work.

That's what I thought ?

Id try and get a part time ta job. Maybe 1-2 days a week. Yes you won't earn anything/much after paying nursery but it's experience and something other than baby for you.

Educational psychology masters are on placement full time vocational courses. You also need couple of years at least hands on experience with kids (used to usually be in a teaching role). I can see other courses on line with similar names and they might be worthwhile but if you want to be an educational psychologist it’s 2 years with placements and a bps accredited course.

sorry this is so tough at the mo for you and I know you didn’t actually ask about this but was mentioned up thread

I was in an identical situation to you with the timings and I'm doing my PGCE part time. Yes I'm broke but I still get time with DD and eligible for UC help with childcare.

The amount of UC support for childcare costs goes up a lot from tomorrow - look into that.

@IVFbeenverylucky I've heard this but when I looked into it unless I've misunderstood. It is the working taper allowance and it is only something like £30 for me.

Finding hundreds of £££ for childcare costs is so annoying as soo as you have paid and provided evidence a refund should be processed within a few days.

Working and using childcare doesn't mean someone else is raising your child that is offensive yo people who have to or choose to work 🙄

Have you even checked if you'd get help with childcare costs on a trainee/newly qualified teacher salary? I'd assume you might.
But if you don't want to work then that's fine the benefits system will currently enable that for 2 or 3 years - but own your decision - don't says it is because you can't afford to work when there is help with childcare costs - or its like handing your child over to be raised by someone else - when it really isn't.
I'd not give up on teaching though. I know people who trained into it in their 40s after having children. And having a decent job will help with costs as your child grows up.

In all honestly, I’d prefer to spend the next two years raising my child, rather than paying someone else to raise her and not being able to do anything fun in spare time due to having no money. I don’t want to miss these early years with her, as she’s an absolute joy and she’s what keeps me going.

Well that's fine, but then look on it as a positive choice. It's not that you can't afford to work - you can, but you are choosing to take two years off work with your baby. I know lots of people who do this and have never regretted it, but if you are going to do it then make a solid plan to achieve some study during that time, and set a date and strategy for returning to work.