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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

single mum soon to be 2 under 2

11 replies

mccar5553 · 09/03/2023 03:21

hi i know no one can make the decision for me but just so torn i currently have a 15 month old he’ll be 22 months when baby is due as im pregnant 8 weeks, i'm a single mother due to being in a domestic violence/abuse relationship i practically raised my first son on my own whilst my ex dragged me down,i’m just so confused what to do i’m so content with my son and wouldn’t be bothered if i never had another kid it was my ex he wanted another use to say and put this in my head saying he needs a sibling etc which now i think yeah i would love for him for him a brother or sister to grow up with but now i’m pregnant he doesn’t want it (he probably just wanted me to go thru this on purpose )i’ve left him thru my own decision and i really don’t want to get back with him i’ve got an abortion booked but my heart breaks to think i’m taking he’s sibiling away from him knowing if i do i wouldn’t want anymore kids as if that’s the case i would just rather struggle on my own than pick and chose my pregnancy but then if i kept the baby it’s not fair on my son that i’ve got 2 under 2 and i won’t be able to give him the attention he needs as i know i will struggle but i know that’s just part of being a parent or that i won’t just be able to get up and do things with my first like swimming or days out etc but i really also don’t want my ex trying to worm he’s way back in after having baby , really am just so lost and confused i keep changing my mind everyday of what to do i thought going to the assessment would show me how i really felt but i felt numb

OP posts:
321gogogo · 09/03/2023 04:47

Very difficult to understand what you are asking as the post is just one long sentence.
I think you are asking for advice on wether to have a termination?
Only you can decide, but it does sound like you are happy with just the one child right now.

3487642I · 09/03/2023 04:57

This is such a difficult decision... tey to spend a whole day imagining you will have the abortion, and makes notes of the thoughts and feelings you have.

Then the next day imagine having your second baby and make notes of your thoughts and feelings. har is your overall feeling at the end of each day, relief or a sense of rightness?

What kind of life do you want for yourself and your family?

Do you picture building a strong relationship with your son and putting all your energy into him, with the possiblity of meeting someone and having another child when you are more settled and the age gap is bigger, and with this version your abusive ex may stay away?

Or can you picture yourself working very hard to care for two young babies? Where would you get support or help to manage this situation and look after your children as well as possible? How would you navigate your ex's involvement given you so have two children with him and will be in need of help?

You are a mother and you can make a decision that is best for you and you family, however that looks. You'll need courage and conviction that you know what is going to be best for you, either way.

It feela good to make a huge life choice when you feel confident that you can make it work.

Best of luck.

Sleepless1096 · 09/03/2023 05:35

I'm sorry you're in such a tough position. I can only say what I think I would do if I were in your situation, which of course may or may not be right for you.

I wouldn't choose to get pregnant and indeed would take active steps to avoid it but, if I was pregnant as you are, I'd go ahead with the pregnancy. This is one of those situations where there is no ideal or perfect outcome and you can't look into a crystal ball and predict what will be best for your family. And there are advantages to both options, for you and your existing child. If you remain with one child, you can give them all your energy and resources, but siblings (if the relationship works out) can be an incredibly positive life influence. What would be the deciding factor for me in your case would be already being pregnant... I'm not against abortion in the very least but I don't think I'd end a pregnancy because I was "on the fence" about a second child, as opposed to taking that chance.

pamplemoussee · 09/03/2023 05:51

Have you had support from refuge charity ? www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
Really sorry to hear what you've been through regarding the domestic violence

Understandably you must feel all over the place and it might just really help to talk this through with someone
You could also contact BPAS to talk through if you haven't already

www.bpas.org

It's a really difficult decision but there is support out there to help you make one that's right for you at this time in your life.

AviMav · 09/03/2023 05:58

It would depend from me. How old are you? Do you work? Your 2 year old could go to nursery it would be hard but depending on these factors I would consider having the baby.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 09/03/2023 07:00

Personally I'd terminate. Two under 2 is hard work - I had the support of my DP and still found it really difficult. I also wouldn't want any extra reasons for the ex to be contacting me - he sounds like someone to avoid if at all possible so having something else for him to try to control you over wouldn't be something I'd risk.

I had a termination a few years ago when I wasn't sure about a pregnancy and Ive never regretted it. Would you struggle financially with two? Can you afford to work with 2 lots of nursery fees? The cost of 2 so close together is crippling us at the moment (nappies, formula, nursery fees, all the extra clothes as we have a boy and a girl). Could you cope if the baby had any medical issues/conditions?

MumOf2workOptions · 09/03/2023 07:23

@mccar5553
I am very sorry you are in this situation but I think you have done the right thing by booking a termination.

Parenting one child on your own will be hard but to have 2 under 2 with an abusive ex is a crazy idea.

Enjoy your little boy and try to rebuild your life ❤️

Krista1991 · 23/03/2023 04:33

Hello.

I am a single mother ,my little girl is 18 months old and my son is only 3 months old.
It is a very hard work,but this the most rewarding job in the world.
I have no family here ,no support or help,I am just doing everything on my own,the dad is only visiting sometimes.

SpinningFloppa · 24/03/2023 13:23

I wouldn’t go through with it but obviously it’s your choice and only you can make the decision.

Purplelady1 · 03/01/2025 20:46

Krista1991 · 23/03/2023 04:33

Hello.

I am a single mother ,my little girl is 18 months old and my son is only 3 months old.
It is a very hard work,but this the most rewarding job in the world.
I have no family here ,no support or help,I am just doing everything on my own,the dad is only visiting sometimes.

Super mum!

Purplelady1 · 03/01/2025 20:48

Nearly a year later - how did it go OP?

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