Cafcass report and argumentative ex

[motheroreily]

Hello I recently had a section 7 report. The conclusion was that we needed to end our conflict

However my ex is so argumentative. I feel like we need to make our order 100% clear so there is no confusion.

I don't know how I can end conflict with him without just giving into him. Dealing with him is so exhausting. He never compromises and goes on and on and on until in the end its easier to give up. We only communicate by email but I feel that's too much. I don't want to be uncooperative but everything is a battle. I don't know what to do.

Any advice is appreciated

I forgot to say. I wanf clarify things that arent clear in our order. But I don't want to write things in my court statement because I have to send it to him too. And then he will question it and go on and on and on about it until we are in court. Asking me questions and disagreeing with what I've said. It's so exhausting.

How old is DC?

What is he arguing about? I do say co pareting when 2 paretns work together. paralell parenting would work better in yours.. seperate houses rules. just set up routine for contact. Unless health issues- safeguarding concerns leave each other to it.

The child is 10. At the moment arguing about holiday arrangements. It could be anything though. I think parallel parenting is the way we need to go so there's no communication. I've said communication only about the child's wellbeing but he still goes on at me.

yes get holidays crystal clear in court order.

At 10 they should be able to relay important information anyway.

I would grey rock him on anythign he is looking to argue about.

Yes that's true. Now our child can relay alot of info like it's world book day on thurs or my club is cancelled this week.

I'm going to ask the holidays are made black and white.

I need to read about grey rock

Then don’t engage. Send your statement and leave it at that.

not everything needs you to respond

Thank you. I will that's good advice. I guess I'm worried about being seen as being uncooperative. But I'm not that's his voice telling me that

How do you respond when he goes on? What happens when you don't actually respond to his rambling

I love how they just think its so easy to "end conflict" we have a CAFCASS guardian who is just unbelievable. She knows she cannot recommend unsupervised contact because my ex is a danger to our daughter, this has been ratified by the Court thus far and actually within her Section 7 but she tells me i MUST use a communication book and have some form of communication with my abusive ex whom I left nearly 3 years ago and have not had ANY communication with. THAT will not be happening.
I feel your pain.

He gets angry and says I have to answer him. But that's a good point. He goes on until I responded but if I didn't I don't know what he'd do probably just go on and on. But maybe I should let him do that and ignore him.

Grey rock is the answer. He keeps on at you because you keep responding - he wants an argument, he wants control of the situation. With grey rock you be as boring as possible. You can also try BIFF communication (book on amazon - it stands for brief, informative, friendly, firm - you don't have to be too friendly though! Also the 3 A's -don't apologise, give advice or admonish). Blunt answers, no extra info, nothing to draw him in. I just say 'noted', or if my ex won't accept a point, 'I have nothing to add'. Good luck.

What is it you are trying to sort out with holiday arrangements can I ask? Is there any chance he feels your requests are unreasonable?

I would like to add times and days to the holiday arrangements. At the moment it is vague and says they will be split equally.

He probably does feel it's unreasonable. But I am not taking away days from him I just think it needs to be set out more clearly. I don't want to have to ask him every holiday can I have xxx days. Because he will be difficult like last holiday I asked for certain days and then he booked leave on those days and said no. If it is all set out clearly everyone will know what is happening and I won't need to communicate with him.