Mediation Experiences

[thethreemuskateers]

Hello,
I have recently stopped overnight stays as my 4 year old is getting upset saying he is scared. Current situation is he sleeps downstairs in a dining room on a sofa bed. His Dad, Girlfriend and her two children are upstairs.

He is quite happy to visit but gets upsets when we talk about sleeping saying he doesn’t want to be by himself. His Dad is a narcissist says there are no issues he lives his room (there is a table and chairs in) so it’s not his room. Said he’s not scared and chases him out of the room. I don’t believe a word he says as he’s a compulsive liar.

At home we co-sleep and he’s always very anxious at bedtimes about monsters. He’s awaiting education physiologist assessment possible autism and counselling.

My Ex is now taking me to mediation as he wants him overnight, all I want is what is best for our son. Does any have any mediation tips? Thanks

I have no tips sorry OP. Except perhaps communicate via email or text where you can show that you have made suggestions to Ex on how to improve situation and Ex won’t make any adjustments to improve situation for your son.
I am sorry that your son is going through this. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me that your son would be anxious sleeping alone downstairs in the dining room if he cosleeps with you. It’s so shit your ex can’t look at this from the child’s perspective and put his child’s needs first.

In mediation you also about ds's routine. How can he go to sleep in a communal room at a sensible time? Co sleeping was a parenting choice you made. A judge won't expect ex to do that at his home. Suggest ex sleeps with ds and his gf sleeps downstairs. His response will be telling to the mediator I imagine.

Thanks for your replies, I’m quite happy for him to sleep there as long as he’s not downstairs alone also from a safety prospective I don’t think it’s right. Hopefully we can get something in place.

A judge would stipulate dc need their own bed but not necessarily own room. And space to keep their own personal possessions...

So if I went to court then he could be made to stick with the current situation of him sleeping downstairs by himself?

In the long term, it's normally in children's best interests to have significant, regular contact with both parents. Overnight stays are really helpful in building relationships between parent and child. I think you should be reassuring your son and encouraging him to continue overnight contact. What safety concerns do you have? Lots of kids sleep on a different floor from their parents. In my city a lot of houses are three storey terraces and the children are on one floor and the parents another. If he chooses to take you to court he may well be successful in getting overnight contact reinstated, and if there's a court order in place you'll then have less flexibility and discretion. Unless you have very concrete safety concerns, I'd suggest you try to find a compromise that involves supporting your child to stay overnight with Dad.

A communal room won't be satisfactory.

I had to take the dining room when I left exh so dc had the bedrooms.
Probably your ex would lie anyway about the set up anyway.

So I’m quite happy for overnight stays but school also flagged up tiredness being an issue my son said he wakes up and looks for Dad, he could fall on the stairs, could be in the kitchen, out of the front door.

I think given how young and anxious he is Dad should sleep with him or of her children are sleeping out they are at there Dads 3-4 nights per week he should have there bed.

I've not actually done mediaton but I applied and ex declined.... so we ended up in court a couple of times.

It's a judge who rules an order, mediation isn't legally binding and tbh if you can't be civil with an ex or come to some sort of reason it would be your ex in your case taking you to court if he wanted to take things further.

go to court and I think they would do a cafcass report which involves speaking to the child who can tell them he is scared

If he needs counselling at 4, something’s really off. Poor boy. Mediation should put his needs first & him sleeping alone is obviously upsetting him.

Thanks for your replies I have my first appointment next week.

The counselling is due to the confusion of his Dad now living with our previous next door neighbour and her children.

Thankfully she has moved after I found out but he does find it strange. He’s starting to ask questions as to why his brother doesn’t see his Dad (He’s 17)

My ex doesn’t have a good relationship with his partners children and my youngest is picking up on this.