I feel at 34 my life has been a trail of bad decisions and mistakes (bar my 3 beautiful children!)
Is leaving my current situation (stressful with 2 step kids on top with behaviour issues) and a relationship that has been broken down by the stress of situations beyond my control really going to be that bad?
I know people get comfortable but I can't see myself ever being happy. My life revolves around my children and I'm happy with that but even a small part for me isn't there anymore as my SC have made things incredibly hard ( I don't want to sound awful, I care a lot for them) and as a result my relationship is rock bottom crappy. I feel depressed a lot of the time (money reason, arguments, SC being hard and trouble at school excluded etc so have to be on reduced time tables and with us at home a lot ( the few hours a day I hoped would be a little breather and a break from being constantly in the go) .
I am finding it hard. And my partner does mock me being down and low and says I bring it in myself?! I don't know how this is possible? I feel he blames me for problems he has actually brought into this relationship and I'm often told to "deal with it" ( the stress of his kids and their problems which were not apparent fully when we got together nearly 4 years ago and I'd never turn my back on kids if I feel I can help them)or leave
I feel I am being pushed to my absolute limit and get no joy out of anything ( bar my children's fantastic school achievements and club achievements and watching my youngest who is nearly 2 grow and develop )
I just feel empty and lost.