Stopping contact

[Thesnowfellfast]

Ex was abusive in our relationship. All kinds of abuse but mainly emotional abuse and coercive control. Left 3 years ago, he sees kids every Wednesday and EOW by mutual agreement.

8 year old daughter has been extremely anxious of late and has disclosed several incidents that sound like emotional abuse and coercion.

5 year old son backs this up.

Alongside this he has been full on snogging his new girlfriend in front of the kids even though Daughter told them it makes her uncomfortable.

School have noted a change in behaviour lately too. Daughter is biting her nails, scratching herself, pulling her hair out. I had a meeting with them on Friday about my concerns and they brought their own.

I spoke to NSPCC who advised me stop contact and await him taking me to court. They confirmed it sounds like coercion, emotional abuse and inappropriate sexual behaviour infront of children. He also fails to take care of their basic needs a lot of the time, ie they don't bathe at his, he fails to put 5 year old in clean socks/underwear, doesn't take them to the doctors if they're ill, etc.

If I go this route, what will be done about the abuse? I mean, if I stop sending them he is just going to consult a solicitor and take me to mediation right? What will happen then? Or if it goes to court, what about then? Will anyone step in about the abuse and his behaviour? I can just see him flashing his cash and getting mad at me for stopping contact so trying for 50/50 or something.

Or do I need to contact social services about it myself tomorrow?

Stuck between a rock and a hard place as the kids adore their dad but I can't have him destroying them like he did me.

Anyone? Desperate for some advice before Wednesday when they're scheduled normal contact

I don’t know. You could try posing in relationships and see if you get more responses there?

Sadly I have no real experience of this however thought I'd reply to hand hold if nothing else. I would definitely stop contact, give him the reason for this and wait to see what his next move is. Sounds like the school can back up your concerns at least. Won't hurt to speak to SS who may be able to give you some advice on the matter.

Hi don't wait for him to make a move with solicitors, you need to talk to one ASAP. Just get some initial free advice from a family law specialist, there may be one local to you that does free surgerys (usually a half hour) or speak to a national one on the phone. You will feel much better when they lay out what may or may not happen.
You are doing the right things stopping contact.

my daughter has a court order contact order for my granddaughter to go to her dad’s. When my granddaughter returned after 4 day contact with finger bruises on her legs. Do I report it to the police and stop the contact. We asked the dad and he couldn’t explain why his daughter had bruises and his current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant. We are concerned