How do swingle mums work full time and look after toddlers?

[greyfox82]

I'm over a year into working full time and looking after my toddler. I feel like I'm always pouring from an empty cup. All my attention of on my little one, then when they are at nursery it's on work. Tonight she didn't go down to 8.45pm. I'm commuting tomorrow so had a quick shower and now making myself a cheese bagel before crawling into bed with my little one and having a disrupted sleep and waking up at 5am and doing it all again. Constantly eating crap, because I don't have the time or energy for anything else. Was really Ill over the past two weeks, managed to take half a day off as work was so busy. My period also started today, so I'm probably feeling more defeated than most days. I just want to enjoy quality time with my daughter, without the stress of work hanging over my head, or a machine full of washing or a giant to do list. Sorry for rant, just looking for some moral support xxxx

Obviously the swingle was a typo, not some exotic version of a single mum haha! Shows my tired levels!

i hear you! single mum here, 2 small ones and work

menus! batch cook (if you can)!, have freezer meals ready for the oh fuck days where you really cant be arsed!

do 15 minutes tidying every night after dinner, wash the dishes then. little things like that

rush, in a morning, give smalls breakfast and do some small jobs then while having brekkie - i never sit still in a morning or at tea

I was a swingle 😁 mum for 19 years, cereal was my go to when knackered and hungry. Slightly healthier and enough to eat so I could fall asleep. I actually don’t have many memories of those years, I think because it was just relentless. You do get through it though.

I co-slept so I could actually sleep. A task a day for 15 minutes on a rota and that was enough to keep on top of washing, eating, dishwasher and running the hoover. Night time supermarket deliveries as well, I didn’t go to a supermarket for years!

Cross post - agree the 15 minutes, it works!

Thanks @GettingItOutThere and @RoseBucket it's bloody relentless. The fifteen minute clean is a great idea. I always make sure bathroom is clean, sitting room is cleared of toys and washing up is done. I couldn't bare to put the washing in today, as I would need to hang it out! I'll do a big wash on Friday when LO is at dads for the one night! Xxx just a comfort to know other people have felt the same

Batch cooking
Working from home
Downtime no matter what
Early morning cleaning suited me as I wanted to chill when DS was in bed

@jelly79 would find life so much easier if I could wfh all week. Stupid company rule to come in twice a week, think to just justify office costs

Only thing o remember from those days , is when the kids were up at 5.30 😵‍💫 i cleaned up and got ready. Only saving grace was no one was home all day so house was the same when I got home .
Cooked minimal tea and floored into bed at 9pm
It doesn't last forever and you will get to stage when the kids start school it gets slightly easier!

Multivitamins will help boost you a little when your on a poor diet you must take care of yourself though no-one else will and if you run yourself into the ground who takes care of everything? There is no one so it just builds up!

Basically batch cook preprep too many clothes so you literally have five nursery outfits five work outfits etc ready to go weekly easy wash and wear things you can freeze sandwiches too my freezer was stuffed full of frozen sandwiches and yoghurts so I could sling them in the box and run out the door! One day for prep work each weekend one day for fun

I worked Monday to Friday washed everything Friday night put it out Saturday to dry went out had fun Saturday Sunday was shop cook and iron day 🙃 honestly nearly broke me my ex had the children for a couple of hours Sunday I used that time to do the shopping I got a well done mum from a random stranger when I was in the middle of aldi and he called demanding I collect them IMMEDIATELY I went off telling him he had his children less than an hour JUST ONCE SUCK IT UP and watch them because I was BUYING THEM FOOD with money I EARNED which is more than he did and I would collect them WHEN I WAS FINISHED it was around this time I realised I was a bit stressed 😂

Thanks @OnMyWayToSenility I think the worst thing is mum guilt. I try to be the best mum I can be when I pick ny daughter up from nursery and will take her to shops for half an hour and then we'll play a game or watch some TV together. Bath and bed take forever, as I feel guilty for not being there in the day. But then if it goes in too long I get snappy as I'm so exhausted by this point xxx

@Theunamedcat you are a hero! Yes, the other stress is dealing with ex partner. I have to FaceTime him every night with child. He never wants to truly help, just wants things on his terms. At the weekend he made me feel guilty he hasn't seen her enough, then calls me at 2.30 saying he's bringing her back early as she isn't settling at his. It was only when he'd left I realised his football team were due to kick off during the time he normally drop her off!

Ahh darling don't ever feel that! The fact that you feel guilty means you're a hood mum!
My kids are 19 and 11 now and honestly they don't think about or remember those days. Just spoke to my 19 year old about how after I'd paid all the bills and had £25 to spend on food (was 2009 so enough for a weeks food)
But don't ever feel guilty! We do our best we love them and give our all and honestly that's enough xx

I did think 'wow...swingle mum...mums who swing? Mums who work and sing?'

I'm frankly a bit disappointed it was a typo.

Genuinely just came here to see what a swingle mum is cos it sounds great 😁

I’ve been back at work 2 years. My son is nearly 3.
I’m still exhausted but we have our weekday routine.
saturdays are for fun with some morning cleaning- he loves the broom and mop 😂
I try and do a different household task each evening after he’s gone to bed.
The freezer is stocked with microwave meals for me when i really cba to cook. Tins for easy meals too(beans on toast, soup)
in the last year his dad has started to have him for one night every 2 weeks. I use that time for a deep clean and chill out or to see friends. I really need to work on selfcare.

my laundry pile is getting too high- it’s all clean but I don’t have the energy to put it away 😂

sometimes I feel like I’m drowning but we’re treading water ok. My son is happy and healthy that is what matters

Haha sorry to disappoint @newposters and @stepstepstep ! Chance would be a fine thing that I'd have time to lead a double life as a swinger! 😂

I have been a single mum & it is grinding. You’re doing great, be kind to yourself & remember that you’re an amazing role model for your DC.

Hi op Im a single mum and have been for 11 yrs since DC were 3
Its a bloody hard life sometimes and I never feel on top of things. More like hanging on by theskin of my teeth!
I co-slept for years and got up an hour earlier than i needed to get myself ready for work and do some house work.

I hear you...

I'm a single mum of a 4 year old and have been since she was born, things that I decided to do when I was struggling with time.

I stopped bathing her every night, she has a wash and teeth brushed every night before bed but now twice a week she has a bath and one of those tends to be on a weekend...unless obviously filthy or she asks for one (she has a shower after swimming as well). Sometimes I'll shower while she's in the bath just to save myself a later job.

We also used to had to have frequent calls with my child's father, it was tricky when she was young as there was very little interaction and TBH she just wanted to watch TV...now we speak to him 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes it's easier if he catches her on bath night as she is contained and has to engage a bit more.

On my WFH days I do a job whenever I go and boil the kettle...so wash the dishes, put them away, hang the washing, bring stuff upstairs.

I did an online shop and had it delivered on my WFH days as when she was smaller she hated going to the shops, now she actually likes going so we tend to go one evening after nursery

I invested in robot hoover that just goes round the house while I'm working.

I think with everything there are peaks and troughs, it doesn't help that you're tired, poorly and probably feeling a bit rotten from your period. At times like this just focus on the bear minimum and make sure you prioritise sleep over cleaning!

I am absolutely dreading when school starts as at least at nursery she's in from 7:45-5 which gives me about 30 minutes either end to get jobs done, get some exercise, over run at work. I fear once she's at school it will be work or parenting and no time for anything else. It's very easy to lose yourself!

Fulltime working lone parent of a toddler who doesnt sleep through the night here. Working from home with flexitime has been an absolute life changer. I sometimes nap during my lunchbreaks. I use my screen time breaks to stick a load of laundry on/fold and put way laundry/wash the dishes. I've even managed to get back into the routine of exercising by getting a swim in before core hours and making up the time in the evening. I'm still a bit frazzled, but life is so much better for WFH.

Full time working mum here of 2 year old twins plus a primary age child.

It's relentless. You just get one sorted then the other needs you. The twin dynamic makes it even more relentless. Their dad sees them for an hour every 2 weeks. We are divorcing. He left because he couldn't cope with the relentless of family life with 3 children 🙄 (which is hilarious as he didn't do much anyway!) doesn't give a shit that's he's left me to do it all.

I take the small wins where I can - a clean kitchen or an empty ironing basket. I've definitely lowered standards 😂 oh and my diet is shocking as I just grab something quickly on the go

I wouldn't change it though. In most ways that count I'm happier doing it alone