I feel like a single parent

[whodunnitx]

Posting this on 'lone parenting' even though I have a partner it feels like I do all the parenting myself.
I have a baby group that I go to with my 1yo, it's a lovely group of mums and we chat and gossip and have a great time.
I have been invited to lots of 1st birthday parties and to my horror the husbands and partners all attend too, my partner works abroad most of the time and when he is here he does very little parenting. He says he would feel silly going to a kids party even if he was home, I will not push him on this.
Since when did partners go to birthday parties, thoughts please

My rhoughts.are it generally doesn't go down well when someone who is not a lone parent sys they feel like a lone parent because their husband doesn't attend birthday parties with them.

If the partner is not at work them absolutely they would go to the bday party - particularly a first birthday party at the weekend. (And yes, you will cause much offence saying you feel like a lone parent…when you’re not).

OP I agree with the PP. please don't ask lone parents for advice on your partner attending parties. It's really insensitive. You are finding it tough not having a very present father. Ok well now imagine having no father at all for your baby. Every party, family occasion, child care decision, health emergency, sleepless night is you, alone, for years. It's not the same as having a partner who works abroad and doesn't want to go to kids parties.

But you're not a lone parent though are you?

Sorry everyone, not sure how to change it, I just wasn't sure which category it fell under

Relationships board?

you are disgusting insensitive. you are in no way anything near a single parent

You are not a lone parent and your having to go without your partner to a child’s birthday party does not make you feel like one.

Hope that helps

To be fair you're asking the wrong people, as most of us don't have partners so wouldn't be able to tell you if they went to parties. For me it's the new 'being the only single person at a dinner party'. I'm the only single mum at a kid's birthday... some what of a novelty. Can't talk to anyone and if I do I sound like a mad woman as I'm having to keep a close eye on my toddler, as I don't have a partner to tag team with!

In all seriousness, when my child turned two I was invited to loads of parties and surprised that both partners turned up. All felt very twee and contrived and loads of awkward 'dad chat' amongst a load of blokes that so obviously wanted to be anywhere else but a soft play/trampoline park/ etc. But I think maybe I'm just a bit bitter, as it's a bit going to these parties and you're the only one without a partner. And there is always one little darling who asks my child where their dad is. Not sure why both parents need to come to a trampoline party?!

Yes, single parents are heroes as we have to get through most situations in life without having a partner around for help. We are an amazing sub species of parent that is rarely appreciated as much as we should be.

LOL

Sorry but you're not a lone parent.

I'm sure there will be loads of parties that both parents don't attend going forward.

@user1483387154 I don't think that's necessary.

I'm a lone parent and yes of course I recognise the that our situations aren't the same as someone who had a DP: DH who is absent - of course it's not the same.

But it's not 'disgusting' for someone to feel alone or a bit shit about their situation. They might not have posted on the most appropriate thread but they might feel in need of support regardless

Op is not disgusting

Anyway.......

Don't worry about birthday parties offer for him to come and if he won't then that's that. Be the best parent you can be, and if he works away a lot then that's hard for you and it's him who will miss out

Do you and your DC exist solely on the wage you personally bring in? No? You're not a lone parent then.

Trying to see past the ludicrous label you've decided to apply to yourself, I know lots of fathers who don't go to birthday parties. Quite frankly if I had a partner who was willing to take DC to the parties I myself would choose not to go. It's just not necessary for two parents to hang around at a party for two hours.

OP, you should get this removed or renamed and moved pretty quickly because it's not going to go well at all.

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit I agree! I'm not upset that she posted here! I totally get that it must be shit for her going to these social situations alone. In that moment she is a lone parent. You can draw some parallels in our situations (others you can't) but I don't think she meant any harm xxx

OP - it's shit and hard doing the day to day on your own, even if you have a partner xxx

I'm sorry but unless you're 100% financially, emotionally & physically responsible for your DC 100% of the time 7 days a week/365 days per year, then you are NOT a lone parent.
I do feel for your predicament, it's not that I don't have empathy for what you're going through I do.
It's just really frustrating when people say this! As one of the most challenging parts of being a lone parent (to me at least) is the fact that I am not just entirely physically & financially responsible for my child but also emotionally responsible for all of the parental influence on the person she becomes. Every day of every week of every month of every year, until she's an adult. Any & all parental influence is down to me. Just me

I get your partner does very little though and that's totally shit. I'd be LTB!

@ItsNotReallyChaos can you send this memo to the parents where I live. For some reason, they all love spending their sat and Sundays together at kid's parties! I genuinely thought this wouldn't be the case! 😂😅

It’s quite common for partners to attend when DC are very little especially as it’s a time when you’re finding parent friends.

my exH used to come to a lot when DC where babies/toddlers but the novelty did wear off. By the time we split up I was used to going on my own.

To be honest I never paid much attention to who was alone and who was with a partner, I just chatted to whoever was there.

Do you want him to come with you to the parties or are you happy going alone with your DC?

Perhaps I'm being pedantic but to me, a 'lone parent' is a single parent who is not co-parenting at all and is therefore parenting 100% alone? Even though OP's DP works away a lot, he is there sometimes, so she certainly isn't a lone parent. Maybe feels a bit like a single parent at times but not a LONE parent?

@SchoolTripDrama ahh shit! Probably shouldn't be posting on this topic as my ex has my child one day a week! I couldn't see the single parent board! I just think it's nice to offer support and solidarity with this OP's situation. Let's not get too pedantic. There might be 'lone' parents that get help from their family all through the week. Should they not be allowed to post either?

It's a relationship issue and of course nothing like being a single parent (financial issues are the primary way in which it's different, as well as having a partner to talk - even if by phone or message - about your mutual children to).

I think it's a social issue too though.

I never understand why both parents are expected to attend things like first birthday parties and in all honesty it's a very, very weird and very transitory odd, odd social expectation which only happens in very specific social circumstances.

For me when my dc1 was a toddler it wasn't a phenomenon at all - on maternity leave mums deliberately treated creating a network as they would have at work and we built a strong female support system. When we were on maternity leave we did things together and we continued to if part time afterwards, but nobody expected to do everything together as couples. I suspect this was because we were mostly fairly confident women tbh.

When I had dc2 we had moved (during the pregnancy) and I was dismayed by how suddenly all the mums of babies in hos cohort seemed helpless without their partners. It was magnified by already having a child - it's often inappropriate to bring an older sibling to a first birthday party, but where we are it's incredibly common only to have one child, or to have granny living next door to babysit if you do have 2+ ...

I am very glad to be past that stage - it was certainly harder to build strong bonds and networks in the situation where parents didn't do anything separately - and now 15 years on it's clear that more of the joined at the hip couples have actually split and become more dependent upon their parents and siblings surprisingly, where few of the couples I know from dv1's babyhood have.

@MrsMullerBecameABaby your second from last paragraph hits the nail on the head of my experience and this was even in a relationship.

@whodunnitx if you report your thread @mnhq will move it to relationships for you. You’re not a lone or single parent. You’ll probably get more advice there.

You're not a single parent so not sure why you're posting here.

I'm a single parent and have to bring my child with me to hospital, never mind attention birthday parties, I wish that was my highest priority.