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Lone parents

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Original poster

My children's dad is refusing to see the kids because of my new partner

25 replies

chan45 · 01/02/2023 08:03

Hi Everyone,

Just looking for some opinions / advice here. My ex partner usually sees the children about 2 hours a week and calls our eldest a few times a week (this is his choice).

In his last phone call with our daughter she mentioned that my new partner had been over to the house. The kids do not know I'm with with guy as he's a family friend, it isn't unusual for him to see us.

Usually I see him during the evenings once the kids are in bed but he came over last Sunday for a few hours to see me and we got pizza. We do not act as a couple around the kids so it was completely innocent.

Since this my ex has refused to call our daughter and said he doesn't want my partner around our kids. He is meant to have them tonight but says "he doesn't want to". My daughter is only 5 and I'm scared of her loosing her dad but at the same time I feel he can't put these limitations on my life especially when the visit was completely innocent.

Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:

coodawoodashooda · 01/02/2023 08:04

What would your daughter lose?

Changingplace · 01/02/2023 08:06

Your ex is being incredibly childish by using the kids in this way, is the contact arranged via a court order? Has he actually put this reasoning in a message to you?

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/02/2023 08:28

What an absolute twat your ex is being, he's trying to use the dc as a way of controlling you.

I'd text him back and tell him that your private life is nothing to do with him, and that you always make decisions with the best interests of the dc at heart. But if he chooses not to see the dc, then that's his decision. Tell him you'll make the dc available for him to collect in x day as usual and it's his choice.

But I'd also manage your dd's expectations and if df turns up it'll be a surprise for her. The last thing you want is her expecting a visit and he doesn't turn up

Reugny · 01/02/2023 08:36

No you are not in the wrong.

Both of your private lives are nothing to do with each other. He's using it as an excuse to try to abandon his children.

Follow @CleaningOutMyCloset advice.

If he refuses to turn up take screenshots of all your messages between each other and store them safely. Offer him contact with the children as scheduled after that for the next month. Don't engage in messages or conversation about your partners. If he refuses contact with DC then there is nothing you can do and you need to leave him alone.

AllOfThemWitches · 01/02/2023 08:37

He can't be that worried about your partner then.

unicornsarereal72 · 02/02/2023 20:38

Don't get drawn in to this bullshit. He either sees her or he doesn't. Don't make a drama. Out of it. That is what he wants. Just say ok and move on. If DD asks when she is seeing him just say I don't know. Or distract her with something else.

gamerchick · 02/02/2023 20:46

2 hours a week isn't a huge loss really. I'd let him get on with it. My ex was a right dick about seeing the kids because he didn't think he should be 'babysitting' while I was getting my end away 🙄 these men are pathetic and shouldn't be indulged.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 20:50

Just leave him to it op.

wildseas · 02/02/2023 21:04

If he would be willing to give up contact with his kids because you have a new partner then he would also be willing to do it when teenage her makes a decision he doesn’t like; gets a boyfriend; chooses a party over her time with her dad etc etc.

If he’s genuinely willing to give the kids up then much better for their mental health for that to happen at 5 than 15. Even if it’s horribly hard you need to let him make his decision here.

GabriellaMontez · 10/03/2023 18:37

What everyone else said.

Was he always controlling?

Rainbowqueeen · 10/03/2023 18:43

He’s an absolute tool and the chances that he will have any meaningful relationship with the DC are remote. Purely because of his actions not yours. 2 hours a week is nothing.

He is looking for an excuse not to see them but to make it seem like your fault. It’s not. If he was any kind of decent dad he would already have more contact than he does.

Focus on your DC. Don’t change anything about your life to please this loser. It will make no difference. I hope you’re claiming cms

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/03/2023 18:47

Since this my ex has refused to call our daughter and said he doesn't want my partner around our kids. He is meant to have them tonight but says "he doesn't want to"

Ahh the irony.

"I'm not happy she's around him when she's with you" and "she's going to spend more time with you"

Don't rise to it. He is trying emotional manipulation.

How long have you and your boyfriend been together?

Aquamarine1029 · 10/03/2023 18:47

He sees his children for only two hours a week? Father of the Year. 🙄

Viviennemary · 10/03/2023 18:48

Not sure why you feel the need to keep your relationship a secret. But your ex shouldn't be using it as a reason not to see his children. It's nothing to do with them.

Quitelikeit · 10/03/2023 18:48

Why did he only see them for two hours a week?

Londontoderby · 10/03/2023 18:53

2 hours a week! She won’t even notice by the end of the month as that is not long enough to even have an impact.

Id let him get on with it, she’s 5, does he think you’re not going to have a partner for the next 13 years or something?

Floralnomad · 10/03/2023 18:55

Just ignore him , his choice whether he sees the kids , he doesn’t get to control your life . It’s actually irrelevant how you were behaving with your ‘friend’

Daisydu · 05/07/2023 16:18

Doesn’t matter if he was there as your boyfriend. It’s literally none of your ex’s bloody business unless he has a genuine safeguarding concern. What an arse.

MrsWolni · 05/07/2023 16:19

He was just looking for an excuse.

TeaGinandFags · 25/10/2023 13:02

He's doing you a solid.

Who else would put money that he's found pastures new?

Soon he'll be gone ne'er to be sern again. Keep every text because he won't be keeping up with the child support and will want an excuse to slope his shoulders.

Starlightstarbright2 · 25/10/2023 23:08

He is looking for a response..

don’t bite … I imagine he is looking to blame you for his failure as a parent .

porrigeforlife · 05/05/2024 04:26

good

LoudSnoringDog · 05/05/2024 05:51

What a dickhead.

two hours???? Wow.

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2024 07:47

I would text ‘out of interest, what was the excuse you were planning to use as a reason to not bother with your kids anymore, before you saw this new opportunity? Good dads would want to see them more if they weren’t happy with how they are being looked after. Then there’s you….
your children will be available at the usual time, up to you if you want to act like a dad for a couple of hours.

OpusGiemuJavlo · 05/05/2024 08:06

A dad who uses manipulative tactics like this is someone your children should be protected from. Better for him to melt out of their lives and for their memories of him to fade than that you all have to walk on eggshells to placate him.

It can be tricky for children when separated parents start forming new relationships. In this case a good dad would be making sure he was putting extra effort into being emotionally supportive to his children in case they were feeling complicated feelings. Freezing them out like this shows he is not a good dad.

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