I want daddy

[purpleme12]

When I say something my child slightly doesn't like. Doesn't have to be anything big even.
It's 'i want daddy'
She'll go crying to daddy about things I've done or said or haven't done or said when she's in a state.
I had to stop the immediate calls to daddy from her when she's like this cos it's not healthy. She's not bothered about calling him when she's happy and calm. It was just to cry to him to say this has happened/that hasn't happened, invariably about me.
It really bothers me. Almost the power because she can just to daddy and complain things aren't how she wants them here, he can comfort her and then he's seen as 'the good one' isn't he.
I can't help thinking it's like he's then put on a pedestal.

Does anyone else have this??

Ooof that sounds difficult.
I think you’re right to stop the calls when she just want to call him after an issue between you both. I’d stick to regular call times.

What do you say when she says “I want daddy”?

How often is she with her dad?

I say you want daddy because things aren't going your way, or, you're upset, or I've said something you don't like.
I have reiterated to her about why I don't let her call then but if she wants she can call another time (she doesn't ask to call him other times though)
She sees him twice a week and every one in three weekends. Yes she does want to see him more but he's often poorly. I'm not entirely sure that's the issue about this though because this is always said in response to things not going exactly how she wants.
I worry more because there'll be many times in our life when I say or do things she doesn't like, and she can immediately go to daddy and all I can see is this power dynamic?

A couple of things strike me-it's normal for kids to want to readdress something in their lives and as the parent, you need to focus this elsewhere. I imagine Dad might be a bit annoyed with a kid calling him just to moan! Could you focus her into a journal or painting to say how she feels? You might want to also consider setting up structured phone call timetables for Dad and saying no outside of these times.
Can you talk to her dad about this inbalance? It's not healthy for you to have her playing you off against each other

I ask about how often she sees him because I wondered if he ever does the boring mundane day to day care for her (eg bedtime, homework, cutting nails, tidying bedroom etc) or if he just does the fun free time stuff with her. If he just does the fun time stuff then I imagine that might affect how she perceives him because he doesn’t have to do any of the hard stuff that leads to conflict sometimes.

If I were you I’d probably just ignore the comments about her dad and specifically change the topic.

Is there any chance that he would be open to hearing about this and prepared to show solidarity with all you do by gently redirecting her back to all you do for her.

I remember very clearly my parents doing this for me. Didn't appreciate it at the time but do now.

I get this but it’s not when I’ve told her off, it’s when she’s not getting my full attention. She’ll say I want Daddy or I miss Daddy.

I just sympathise & say I understand then distract her with something fun (so she knows it works!)

Sorry, I might’ve missed how old she is but you get all the mundane donkey work so he’s currently held in high regard but as she ages, she’ll get this & it will shift. You’re her constant.

I would stick to scheduled times for phone calls.

Thank you for the ideas. Something to think about for ideas. I have suggested a calm box. Which I think we are going to do. But yes the other things mentioned are worth looking at too.
No he doesn't do the mundane every day things. I know I get the brunt of her. But I know that's because she sees him less than me so he's seen as more special and more of a treat etc.
He doesn't really talk to me. I have tried to get across I want to be on talking terms to talk about her but he doesn't want to talk to me. I have texted that she knows we don't work together , and so she uses this to play us off against each other (meaning what I'm talking about here). I have also texted him to tell him I'm stopping the calls to him when she's not happy things aren't going her way as it's not healthy. I want to discuss more but he doesn't want to talk.
I don't know maybe I should still text saying she says I want daddy when things aren't going her way?
It's so hard

I'm always the one to text him about her because it comes to a point where there's something I feel is necessary to say about her.
So say the littlest amount I can to get my point across cos he doesn't want to talk.
I wanted to have a relationship where we could talk about her. It makes me sad and worried

I would be careful with stopping calls to dad, i'm not saying it's not necessary or it's a terrible idea or anything, it just has to be done carefully.

Last thing you want is her telling dad mummy won't let me talk to you anymore or something like that. Or tbh even having her think that.

I would maybe try and get him to suggest time slots for phone calls, by broaching the subject and seeing if he has advice, but not sure how well that will go down given the other context you've given. Either way you'd have at least brought it up first though, so he won't be as shocked if DD does tell him something akin to mummy won't let me talk to you.

I have told him that she only wants to ring him when things aren't going her way and she's in a state and so I'm stopping that as it's not healthy.
I have also told her she can call him at any other time. So it's only this instances that I've stopped calls. It's very rare to be honest that she wants to call him when she's content and whatnot.