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Lone parents

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My husband left tonight...

3 replies

MissMoodyMoo · 24/01/2023 19:37

I can't stop crying. Not because he's left as such but because I'm so gutted to be putting my daughter through this at 3yo. I always said id never be a single mum as I grew up in a divorced family but here we are!!!

One thing that's really urked me was continuously saying "you've changed so much since we started going out"
What does he expect?! I'm a mum now! Yes ive put a fair bit of weight on, I'm constantly exhausted and I work nights as a nurse in the NHS he has said I have lost my get up and go which is true I have I'm totally burned out so the days I do get off and the little one is in nursery I tend to go back to bed. The house work has slipped and the upstairs is a bit of a mess but I feel so overwhelmed by it.

I think this would be easier if someone done something wrong but he's a good guy and a fantastic dad we just don't have that spark anymore.

I'm scared... I don't even have my own bank account I'm not even sure I know how to be on my own or even be happy

I'm lost

OP posts:
Anon132 · 25/01/2023 00:47

Do you have any family nearby who can help and support?
Re bank account, go to the bank with two forms of id (utility bill or council tax bill and passport or driving license) an adviser there will sort the rest for you.
If you need help with bills etc ring citazens advice.

It's ok to be tired and rest. Working nights is hard and for the NHS is a super demanding job! Thankyou for what you do. That's not losing your spark, that's you being tired and needing to be supported and understood. The housework can wait, or he could have done abit extra.

Its good he's a good guy and a good dad, hopefully if it's done on good terms he'll help you with any questions you may have of things your not sure of if you haven't done them before.

Most people don't go into a relationship and having a baby expecting to be a single parent a few months or years later, don't worry you not on your own being unsettled by that but just know, although its hard and will take some getting used, you will be ok and so will your little one.
Sometimes staying together when it's not there anymore can be worse as your LO grows up thinking that the disfunction is normal. If you can have an amicable coparenting relationship that can be alot healthier than an unloving or toxic one.

It's OK to be scared, anxious, unsure etc, it's a whole new experience for you. But also being on your own and independent, especially if you've never done it before, can be liberating and freeing. Celebrate each thing you achieve on your own. Create special memories with just you and your daughter. Do things for you, have a long bath and a face mask, have a long sleep while she's at nursery, create a scrapbook of days out together feeding the ducks or going for a walk. Find enjoyment in the little things where you can.

You can be happy, you can be forfilled, you can do this with or without a man in your life.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 25/01/2023 01:03

He's not a "good guy" if he's not being emotionally supportive and trying to shame you for being understandably exhausted. You deserve better.

Mamaboss · 25/01/2023 13:01

That full post was in my opinion you putting yourself down.. so what if you've put weight on.. so what if you can't be bothered getting up and going live in the moment forget what you think he or anyone else thinks of you sounds to me that your doing great a working mum and clearly loving your child you just have to get over the sadness of the breakup let yourself cry kick and scream go through the motions of it but there's a silver lining something better is out there waiting for you. What's meant for you will never go by you and I swear by that quote. Keep your chin up hun or put it down if you want it's your life now you and your kid the best adventure you'll ever have. Divorced parents is the norm now aslong as you both still parent that kid will be fine. Keep yourself right but do you bbe you'll be fine come back to your post in a few months and read it what you wrote I bet you'll be a million miles away from all these feelings xx

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