Feeling guilty about being a single parent

[Blueflower1612]

I am a single parent of a three year old boy. When I told the father that I was pregnant he didn’t even want to discuss the situation and he made his feelings clear and ended up being quite nasty so I decided to not have anything to do with him. Needless to say he is not in our lives and never met DS. My son is now coming to the age where he is aware that most families have a daddy. When he was younger he obviously didn’t realise that it wasn’t to just have a mummy. He has said to me before he wants a daddy and this just breaks my heart. I try to avoid daddy books etc just so he doesn’t feel like he is missing out. Also when I picked him up from nursery one of the other children asked me where DS daddy was and I just had to say he doesn’t have one. I am now worried other children might start making comments to him and this might upset him. I was aware that at some point I would have to broach the subject but wasn’t expecting it to come so soon. He has a good family network and male figures in his life so I try not to worry too much but just interested to see how others in this situation have handled it.

There is a lovely book by Todd Parr called The Family Book, it explains that there are many different types of families

Your son is very unlikely to be the only child who doesnt live in a standard issue 2 parent family. If other children do make comments I’d have a word with the teacher.
You have nothing to feel guilty about - your son has a family around him, and most importantly a mum who loves and cares for him

First off, don't feel guilty. You're a fantastic parent! I was a single mum with my eldest although her dad was sometimes around... we used to read an Usborne book called all about families which talks about singly parents, adoption, divorce etc to show that a family doesn't mean a mum and dad and x kids. You'll find that the older your son gets the less or his friends are growing up in "conventional families" so try not to stress it. Just keep loving him x

Aw you sound like such a lovely mum OP. I don’t have any advice sorry but I just wanted to say that. Your DS is going to be just fine

It’s definitely going to come a day where they realise they don’t have a father, this happened when they did Father’s Day at my daughters school and all the kids had dads except her, she came out of school very angry and upset. Just have to ride it
out and answer any questions they may have (age appropriate)

Hun tell the kid the truth don't let him get older and find out his sperm doner wasn't a man and couldn't step up my oldest is 10 now and found out alot about her dad recently she didn't take it well she blames me for sugar coating the real facts. I love that you try to protect him but it's so sweet you sound like a great mum my heart goes out to him. Us single mums do better on our own we don't need jerks that think the grass is greener we might have the struggles but one day we will reap the rewards xx

This is so hard and I’m going through something similar with my 8 yo DD. Her dad hasn’t seen her for 8 months, ( his choice because CMS caught up with him) and she just wants to be “normal” like all the other kids who all have dads, even if their parents aren’t still together. It doesn’t matter what I say, she thinks it’s her fault, and it’s so hard to watch her break her heart over it. The best you can do is be honest in an age appropriate way and give him as much love and support along the way.

I am sorry you are going through something similar. It’s so hard for children in this situation. Like you said being honest is best but it’s not easy to find a kind way of saying you do have a dad but he’s just not around and doing it so they don’t blame themselves. I am going to take the good advice in some of the other comments and start talking to him straight away about it and how all families are different and the family he does have around him loves him very much.