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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Loser parent

17 replies

OhmyImsoCross · 16/01/2023 21:59

I wonder if I'm alone in having those moments when you cry hot tears of shame. My daughter is only young and every other parent in her class is married (who knows whether happily or not, I know). They have happy, stable families.
I feel like an absolute disgrace and ashamed. I have wonderful children, a good home and good job, I am a good parent and do it on my own. But sometimes I feel stripped bare in front of those Mums on the school whatsapp group and like such an outcast.

OP posts:

Starlightstarbright1 · 16/01/2023 22:02

I can guarantee you won't be the only onevat some point.

You know that you have a good job, home and family.. people are generally tied up in there own issues.

MagpieCounting · 16/01/2023 22:20

It's really bloody tough but a huge number of those mums will be thinking 'Good on her, don't know how she does it'
And if people are judging then quite frankly fuck them.

Be proud of what you do every day, talk to your children about different shaped families and ignore whatsapp groups - there's always someone trying to be Supermum.

page1of4 · 16/01/2023 22:25

How many of those Mum's are putting up with a knob head cause they're not in a financial position to leave I wonder? You're not relying on anyone, you're the one they should all be in awe of. This is just your own low self esteem at play here I'd bet and they'll only have admiration for you. (And maybe a bit of envy!) You need to build your confidence

Mark19735 · 16/01/2023 23:10

"Married" does not equal stable. Being a single parent can be just as stable and secure home environment as being part of a couple. The only difference is that it's more exhausting.

Your kids are lucky to have you caring for them, and they love you and need you more than anyone else in the whole world. You are their world, and you are plenty good enough for them.

Ihatethenewlook · 16/01/2023 23:12

What’s the alternative? Presumably you split up with their dad for a good reason. I guarantee you that there will be married mothers on that group that are in far worse situations than you.

LexMitior · 16/01/2023 23:21

I remember feeling like this. It was particularly hard at primary school for some reason. Birthday parties, social events. Most of it was like neat acid.

However, I did find supportive people. Most were okay. And secondary came and then... it disappeared overnight.

LexMitior · 16/01/2023 23:27

By which I mean the terrible feeling went. Children grow up.

The relationships via WhatsApp are totally painful, but honestly, you are taking their perceived standards and applying to yourself. I do know exactly how you feel. Some of those mothers were vile. But once I got out of the school run and resumed a more adult life, it did go away.

You will live a long time and remember, this is a very small stage in your childrens lives. Primary seems to grind on forever. It is so bloody involved, all the time. If you are on your own it feels like another bloody thing to deal with.

I promise there is light at the end of tunnel. But it is hard at the time.

SpinningFloppa · 16/01/2023 23:47

I get it op, i feel the same, not many single mums at my kids primary school and I always feel a bit shit about it and it just rubs it in my face, people will insist that they are all in unhappy relationships but that’s not true and being a single parent isn’t easy

Justmeandme19 · 19/01/2023 17:14

I get it, I'm a single parent to 2. But I think it's all in the mind set. Yes it's bloody hard no ones disputing that. But what a single parent has to offer is not substandard to a 2 parent home. No one knows what happens behind closed doors. Don't allow yourself or the school what'sapp group to make you feel second best.! You are the best for your child/s and that's what they've got.

Original poster

OhmyImsoCross · 19/01/2023 21:27

Thank you. All amazing comments and have pulled myself together.

I'm still confused by where the picture went wrong, even a few years down the line. My marriage was very happy and then suddenly it just wasn't and it spiralled into the gutter. I dont know how it went so quickly from one extreme to the other. Lexmitior's description of enduring all the parties, fanily events etc being like neat acid is very apt.

I'm still working at accepting it all but hopefully it will happen at some point or I'll miss life 😄

OP posts:

Solitudegetsboring · 21/01/2023 21:59

Yep it’s awful. Hang in there.

MintJulia · 21/01/2023 22:15

Firstly, I'll guarantee those perfect marriages aren't perfect.

And anyway you should be hugely proud, doing it all single handed. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm a single mum (never married) and I manage too. I taught ds to swim, to ride his bike, I practice karate with him. We ski together. We talk. DS trusts me.

His dad has missed out on so much. Stupid man !

stairgates · 21/01/2023 22:29

I have spent 20 years so far doing the school run and have met 100's of families, I can promise you that never once would I or any of the other lovely people I've met in my time judged anyone on their family status nor ever will🙂If anything as pp said maybe a bit of envy that you are winning this without the baggage of him indoors!!😁Hold your head up you are a star. 🌟

TotallyLosttonight · 10/02/2023 10:27

I was probably one of those mums in a whatsapp group like yours. Search my other threads and see what a mess I'm in. Believe me, not all those perfect marriages are perfect. I'll be the divorced Mum in our school whatsapp group soon enough.

ItsFineImFine · 25/02/2023 13:48

I feel exactly the same and haven’t even gotten to the school run yet - I have a toddler and a 3 month old and I feel such shame going to baby classes or library. I just keep going obviously as dont want my little ones to miss out and cannot stay at home all day with a toddler.

I have no advice other than you are not alone.

My marriage was very happy and then suddenly it just wasn't and it spiralled into the gutter. I dont know how it went so quickly from one extreme to the other.

This is me too. Together 19 years and woke up one day with a 2 week old and realised I had some very very serious problems that I didn’t know at all were there. Alcohol and abuse. Such a complete shock.

Remind yourself 50% of marriages end in divorce. If they judge judge you, their time will come.

hugs.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/03/2023 16:43

There's plenty of time for them to end up single as well. Young kids means nearer the start of a relationship, less time to have gone wrong yet. So many of the other parents at my kids school ended up separating. Oldest was 4 when we separated.

Yolo12345 · 14/03/2023 19:15

Only respect from me to the single mums on my school run. But then I love and rate women way above men in general. You do you and be kind to yourself. I can guarantee that some women cry hot tears of shame over their partners at times.

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