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Lone parents

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Original poster

How often does your ex speak to your kids?

15 replies

gretti · 12/01/2023 10:42

He had them every other weekend. DS is 13 and autistic. Dd is 11.

He bought them both phones so he could contact them during the 12 days he doesn't see them. He last saw them on New Year's Day. He text dd the next day to see how she was and there's been absolutely nothing since. Not text or called DS at all.

This is a frequent thing. If I need to contact him, it's hit and miss as to wether I get a response.

Now I know the dcs could also make the effort to call him and sometimes they do. They make more effort than he does let's put it that way.

Dcs went to stay with him from Boxing Day to New Year's Day. They stayed at his house twice. The rest they stayed at their grandparents house. He does have to work and I have no issues with the grandparents at all. They love the dcs and love it when they come to stay. I'm really grateful to them. I was expecting the ex to stay at his parents with the dcs or to even call in after he's finished work but he was just going straight home.

He is shit isn't he? He lives 2.5 hours away and the kids travel to him. Just to add, he moved 8 years ago when we separated. He was constantly cheating, messaging other women and putting himself on fab swingers.

He has a partner, never met her. She has 4 kids and I suspect cannot stand me. He's a compulsive liar so god knows what he's told her about me.

Sorry I've just drifted off topic here, I just get so frustrated. DS is autistic, goes to a specialist school, has an EHCP. I did a post on him the other day - life is so hard for him and I do the best I can. His dad just uses the excuse that he lives too far away to help but he can't even manage a phone call in 12 days!

Sorry I'm just having a rant. This has all come out as the dcs are going to their dads tomorrow and dd mentioned on the school run that she hasn't spoken to him at all. He text asking how she was, she replied and he didn't reply back. I've checked her phone and this is correct.

Just ranting, I'm sorry.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 12/01/2023 11:45

Same thing, ex last saw kids on the 23 dec, (though he doesn’t have overnights so it was half an hour at mine) and hasn’t contacted them since and has made no plans to see them. Didn’t even message them happy new year 😕 He probably contacts them by phone every few weeks

Original poster
gretti · 12/01/2023 12:08

SpinningFloppa · 12/01/2023 11:45

Same thing, ex last saw kids on the 23 dec, (though he doesn’t have overnights so it was half an hour at mine) and hasn’t contacted them since and has made no plans to see them. Didn’t even message them happy new year 😕 He probably contacts them by phone every few weeks

So sorry that's crap. I just don't get it at all. I suppose they just get used to it - out of sight, out of mind.

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 12/01/2023 12:14

I've read on here that typically after 3 years of separation most Dad's drift off. Certainly true for my ex. Since Covid it's 90 minutes every 2 months instead of EOW and they're all strangers to each other

Original poster
gretti · 12/01/2023 12:17

Shouldbedoing · 12/01/2023 12:14

I've read on here that typically after 3 years of separation most Dad's drift off. Certainly true for my ex. Since Covid it's 90 minutes every 2 months instead of EOW and they're all strangers to each other

I think my ex would happily agree to this. He only can't do it because of his own parents who are desperate to see their grandkids.

I think it will come soon that the dcs just don't want to go at all. That day can't come quick enough, they are bored to tears when they get there anyway.

It's almost like you say - they are strangers to each other really. He makes no effort to know what's going on in their lives

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 12/01/2023 12:18

Never. He stopped bothering over a year ago.

Lives in the next street

IfOnlyTheyMeantIt · 12/01/2023 12:31

Very rarely. Didn't even ring them on Christmas Day. I think he sent a text to them (same text copied and pasted).

He used to ring on Christmas Day and then maybe send less than 6 texts a year. He hardly sees them either.

Original poster
gretti · 12/01/2023 13:03

How awful for you all. I suppose my ex isn't as bad as that but I just know the kids are a huge burden in his life.

OP posts:
realynotfair · 12/01/2023 13:40

Never. They can see what a narcissist he is and he has destroyed our lives. I don't have to do parental alienation he puts them off him himself.

Sux2buthen · 12/01/2023 18:19

gretti · 12/01/2023 13:03

How awful for you all. I suppose my ex isn't as bad as that but I just know the kids are a huge burden in his life.

A shit dads a shit dad. I'm sorry you and so many have to deal with it.
To be fair mine are better off without him but they don't realise that so it can be hard

Singleandproud · 12/01/2023 18:26

DD sees her dad weekly but I bought her a laptop during lock down and set up Skype and sent him all the details but he barely used it. She has a phone now and they'll occasionally WhatsApp and they play an online chess game together but that's just moving the pieces not chatting.

If DDs away from home I'll text her good morning/good night everyday.

I guess some if it is out of sight out of mind but I really can't imagine it happening the other way around.

quietnightmare · 12/01/2023 18:33

Was he always distant with the kids? Is he busy with his new family? Is it a case of the kids remind him of what he's lost? Would either of you consider moving closer to eachother? Sounds awful OP but they have you

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 12/01/2023 18:37

My ex went awol with OW for 10 years. They've since split and one of my DS won't speak to him. The youngest DS speaks to him but very rarely

Original poster
gretti · 12/01/2023 18:38

Singleandproud · 12/01/2023 18:26

DD sees her dad weekly but I bought her a laptop during lock down and set up Skype and sent him all the details but he barely used it. She has a phone now and they'll occasionally WhatsApp and they play an online chess game together but that's just moving the pieces not chatting.

If DDs away from home I'll text her good morning/good night everyday.

I guess some if it is out of sight out of mind but I really can't imagine it happening the other way around.

Im exactly the same. I text the dcs/FaceTime them when they are with they're dad. I couldn't just not speak to them even for a weekend.

I've tried to encourage DS and his dad go online game together but it's never happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
gretti · 12/01/2023 18:43

quietnightmare · 12/01/2023 18:33

Was he always distant with the kids? Is he busy with his new family? Is it a case of the kids remind him of what he's lost? Would either of you consider moving closer to eachother? Sounds awful OP but they have you

No I wouldn't move. I have my family here my son is in the right sen school. I also have another DS with my husband. He wouldn't be anymore supportive anyway. No change of him moving back. He's the one that left in the first place. He likes to be away from them I think.

He lost interest in the kids the minute I met my husband. He told me after he left that he would only come back for me. Not the kids. He even once offered to pay me to have him back. The minute I found someone else - 2 years later - he began losing interest in the kids. The minute he knew I was never going to take him back.

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 12/01/2023 18:43

My ex has ds every other Saturday night. Most of the chat between my ex and ds is on the lines of "Leaving now. Google maps says ETA 1:03pm/OK" "Are you coming to my house this weekend?/Yes"

My ds is 16 and still happy to go to contact 11 years later.

On the other hand my dd is at uni and I struggle not to text at least once a day.

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