Should I have a baby in my flat in London or move? Single mum.

[rihanna4]

Hi - I'm hoping to try IVF + sperm donor. I'm a single woman, 40 years old. Trying to figure whether I should embark on the IVF (and hopefully baby) journey either:

1. Staying put in my flat in London zone 2 where I have a great support network and amenities on my doorstep, BUT no possibility of having a car due to lack of parking + have 2 indoor cats (and two litter trays);

Or

2. Try to move to a small house in Surrey/Sussex/Kent.

Main concerns about #1: not having a car + hygiene and territory issues re cats/baby.

Glad to hear views x

Best of luck with it all, whatever you decide! I had my baby alone in London in a flat, and it was absolutely fine. The key thing is your support network. Once they get older, you might think differently re space/cat litter/countryside, but i'd say that for the first 2 years your network is the most important thing, and the baby doesn't take up much space!

I’d choose the network and the place where you are most happy at least initially. Good luck!

I would go with 1 in your position

Do you have a lift in your block of flats and is it reliable? That would be my number one consideration, having had a baby in a fourth floor flat with no lift. Luckily DP works from home and carried the pram up and down stairs for me on the daily but would have been very stuck and isolated on my own

I'd stick where you are, at least to begin with. A support network is valuable. Babies don't need a huge amount of space. I'm assuming you have a park or something similar nearby for walks and fresh air .

As your chance gets older you may feel a garden, possibly better choice of schools (although obviously you might already be OK for schools), more space etc may become more of a priority.

Good luck with everything.

I’m in London with several children and another on the way, we don’t have a car either. At the times when a car is needed, we get a taxi.

As the children get older and more independent, the bus and tube networks are great for them in London. Relatives living in other big cities have real issues with lack of public transport.

Choose network over car. Especially as a single mum, the early years can get so lonely.

• chance = child (thanks autocorrect)

Very important point about the lift!

But overall I'd strongly lean towards staying put. It's going to be so important to you to have your network, access to amenities you like and are used to and convenience services like same day delivery for Amazon, deliveroo etc.

We're in a more rural spot having lived in London for many years previously and when our child was born I often fantasised about how if I was still in London, I could be strolling round a museum or gallery with a sleeping baby instead of the bloody park, or walking to meet a friend for a decent coffee instead of having to saddle up and drive to a shitty Costa. Obviously I idealised the London version of what it would have been like, but don't underestimate what you have right now!

Support network is SO important... So definitely no.1 ... But a crawling baby + 2 litter trays is a practical problem as a health hazard which it would be hard to ensure your baby didn't get hold of without you being eyeballs on 100% of the time (exhausting and not realistic). There must be a practical solution though (but I don't have cats so not sure what). Could the tray be in a pen which the cat can access but baby can't 🤔

Thanks for all the messages! Much appreciated.

Yes, there's a reliable lift.

As a single parent your support network will be vital. I’d 100% stay put. I wouldn’t even consider moving to an area I didn’t know if I wasn’t going to have a good amount of time pre baby to make proper friends first.

London is great with babies, so much to do and it so easy to get about with a buggy. I really wouldn't move until you have to and really need the space, especially as you have a great support network. It gets very trying living outside London having to drive everywhere and deal with the buggy and boot.

We have 2 indoor cats and it’s never been an issue at all.

I only have a single cat, but when I was about 6 months pregnant I switched her litter tray for a Modkat litter box with a hole in the top. She’s an older cat but gets up on to it fine, and there was no transition period where she had to work out what to do - it was instinctive.

My child is now 2, has been mobile since a few months old (lucky me!) and apart from me having to deploy some stern “NO”s a few times a few months ago, there haven’t been any potential hygiene issues wrt child getting to the litter box. I keep it in a corner of the bathroom, so we spend less time near it than if it was in a main room anyway.

If your concern is more about toxoplasmosis during pregnancy (though tbf if you’re going to get infected, you probably already have been), then using disposable latex or nitrile gloves and face masks for litter scooping for the duration isn’t going to be the end of the world.

We’re also in a 1-bed in Zone 2 and doing fine, albeit with lots and lots of smart hanging storage over doors in addition to everything else! I agree with PPs who have mentioned a reliable lift and having a good network.

Good luck x

If you have more than one bedroom and the school nearby are decent I’d stay.

I’d stay too. Your support network is so important and you don’t want to be isolated. We lived in a zone 2 flat until DD1 was 1 and only needed a car once (used a zip car). I pushed her home from hospital in the pram but if I’d had a c-section I’m sure someone would have given us a lift.

NCT or mum and baby meet-ups tend to be in the park or in cafes in London rather than peoples houses as lots of people don’t have space. There is more choice re: schools in London and lots of waiting list movement - so people generally end up with a school they are vaguely happy with.

I’d stay then, especially as you have support there. I loved London with a small baby, as lots of PP have said there’s such a lot of classes and meet ups and lovely parks to walk around. And buses are easy with a pram!

Another vote for staying in London! There are so many parks about, great transport/pavements for buggy, lots of things to do. Support network is very important especially as a single parent.