How do I help kids get over not having contact with their dad

[Tiffanysmith]

I have two children from the same father, one remembers him and one doesn’t. Their father was extremely physically mentally and verbally abusive to me while we were together, until the social services (who the police called after an incident where I was so scared I told my mum and she told them) informed me that I would risk losing them if I continued to have contact with him.
Years went by and we got in touch again after zero contact. But he hasn’t changed. He proved that to me with emails that quickly turned threatening and ugly.
He has never paid child maintenance although I filed a claim. I can only assume he’s not paying tax or they would have caught him. Now his family wants to see the kids and I know he will show up there.
I am terrified of seeing him in any situation and of what he might say to my kind hearted and innocent young kids.
How do I help them deal with having no father in their life before they become angry teenagers and start having a complex about it?
Should I allow contact with him and his family even though he can’t be trusted as they may seek him out as adults anyway?
Tips on how to deal with this situation are welcome.
I’m unsure how to proceed and want to preserve our peaceful, safe routine - but I don’t want my kids to have any absent father complexes. Will they be okay?

I think it's important to think of it as damage limitation. Eg it's not a perfect situation (as children should ideally have contact with both parents). But it's not always in their best interests to do this.
My children don't see their father (no contact order). Yes they do miss him sometimes but it's the way it is. Their safe and happy which is my main objective.
They also know they can talk to me if they miss him or have any worries about him, which they do do. I never make them feel they carn't talk about him or express how much they miss him.
Theres no way I would allow them to see him, yes I understand they miss him but it's just not safe. You would be very silly and neglectful to allow your children to see him. Esp as you were told not to by ss. You could even run the risk of loosing them yourself.!!
It's very natural for children to miss their father and to have some issues regarding it. It's about getting a fine balance where they feel able to talk to you about it, also school can help by putting in extra support.
I tell my children, it's my responsibility to protect you as a child, but when your an adult you can choose to see him if you want. But never bring him to my house or tell him where I live. But I will support you in seeing him if that's what you want.

I'd imagine Social Services would be involved again if you allow him contact.

Go no contact again.
He's never going to be a decent Father.

Can you contact Social Services again for advice, they might be able to help you get a no contact order.

Zombie thread from 2014

No it's not, was posted just a couple weeks ago at 20:14 at night.

OP from my own experience as a child in this situation let them talk, let the cry, let them know that it's ok to feel however they feel. Get them counselling if they struggle. My parent didn't handle it very well, it was like our hurt was a commentary on their ability as a parent when it was nothing to do with them. One parent can't ever make up completely for the absence of the other, that's not to say they can't come through this ok. I feel in our case we would have been better off if we'd been NC, the in and out, starting to trust again just to be left again, the random no shows for birthdays, the missed phone calls, the promising to be in our lives only to take off less than a year later, that all caused a lot more harm.