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Lone parents

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Original poster

Long bloody road this one....

12 replies

charliecat · 04/02/2008 10:36

Big long ramble coming up...feel free to hit the back button now

Its been 8 months since I spilt up with xp. I dont doubt that it was the right decision. At all. Not for a second.
However, I am struggling to find a relationship with him that im comfortable with...
He seems happy to make me cups of tea and make things pleasant for me(this month anyway, quite often he's vile) and rationally I can see that if I do the same for him then the road will be smooth.
But I dont want to, I CANNOT make myself offer him a cup of tea.
I can make him a sarnie if it means he wont be an hour later to see the kids on a school night. But anything extra on top of that that I CANNOT do.
He isnt someone I would choose to be my friend, he a lying slimy cretin.
The girls have also told me that he spends the whole weekend on the phone to his girlfriend and although its none of my business I feel that im losing out on a weekend with them so he can spend time with them...buts hes NOT!
I want to be in a place where his existence means nothing to me. But im not.

OP posts:
Nymphadora · 04/02/2008 10:56

Didn't want to leave you unanswered as I have been there, BUT after 6 years(think I was extreme so don't let this get you down) I have got over it. He still drives me mad when he visits kids at mine but I have just started going out.

Tippychick · 04/02/2008 10:57

Didn't want to read and not post but i can't add much I'm afraid.
I wouldn't make him tea or sangwidges if he p!sses you off that much though. But I'm not one to talk - I let my XP stay for dinner and sleep on the sofa to get him to see my baby, and he mostly just watches telly while I look after her anyway.So you're not as feeble as me anyway.

Maybe get the local whats on things from your paper or get a list of museums or whatever your daughters are into and suggest he takes them there, maybe he's just being useless and doesn't know what to do with them at the weekends. Or force him into doing something by saying " I promised DD you'd all go to the park" or similar? Fill his time for him if you can or suggest that you have them back earlier on a Sunday for homework if you want to spend more time with them and he's just wasting it p'raps?

Hugs for you anyway

Original poster
charliecat · 04/02/2008 11:24

Thanks you two Oh I recognise the watching telly thing while you get on with things oh yes oh yes oh yes And you have to bite your tongue from saying What the hell are you doing here???!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh. He sees them here at my house because his landlady doesnt want them at his
And I said id make him something to eat or he doesnt get here till half seven on Tues and Thurs which is a fat lot of use, that I dont mind.
But Id rather die of thirst than make him a cup of tea.
Im hoping as the summer comes in he will do stuff with them.
Nypmph I think I might start hiding in my room with a book...where do you go out too? Its always late when he gets here?
And Tippy you arent feeble, you are INCREDIBILY accomodating.

OP posts:
Tippychick · 04/02/2008 11:30

nope, feeble. I know it, my name is Tippy and I am a feeble, feeble girl.

spicemonster · 04/02/2008 11:36

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all actually. You've split up, you no longer have to make him tea or dinner or do any of the other nice accommodating things we do for people we love and live with. And now you have to make him dinner so that he can see them in the evenings he's supposed to see them? That sounds dreadful!

What is he doing moving somewhere where he's not allowed to have his kids to stay anyway? I'd be furious.

Sorry - me ranting probably isn't helping at all is it?

Original poster
charliecat · 04/02/2008 11:41

Accomodating Accomodating
Thank you SpiceMonster. Thats just how I feel.
Originally, when he moved out, his landlady said Have the girls over whenever you want. He told me this...but its never happened. And when pushed about it he said that as she has cancer she didnt want thier germs. Okkkkkkkkkk says me, Fair enough.
Then dd2 mentions daddys landlady making her a sandwich. And im thinking. Er, if DD2s germs are ok through the day WTF is the difference overnight And so I leave my house to him and go to stay with Rickman very 2nd weekend.
I need a punch bag I think. Want to wring his neck just for existing

OP posts:
Nymphadora · 04/02/2008 13:24

I hide in my room too, or go to gym and sit in cafe

mummyofaprincess · 04/02/2008 13:38

Hi charliecat

Your not alone on not wanting to make a cup of tea for your childrens dad (xp)
Im the same, he comes here to see DD, i wont let him take her out just yet (long story) I know its my own fault, but when he says things like "cup of tea, oh go on then" When ive not offered i feel like slapping him!

He even goes through my fridge etc like he still lives here!

Its my own fault, but like your xp, he turns up very late aswell and he only likes to see DD for a couple of hours, so if he took DD out anyway where would he go??

Original poster
charliecat · 04/02/2008 13:42

Yep I get the cup of tea go on then, or did I hear you put the kettle on?
Oh it does make me want to scream.
He still takes food as if he lives here and there was an incident where he took the last penguin bars and said he would go up the shop and replace them, but only if the kids really needed them or lunchboxes.
I went beserk. Barking that he clearly didnt get that they need stuff for lunch boxes for 300 days of the blardy year. etc etc etc

OP posts:
mummyofaprincess · 04/02/2008 13:52

my xp texted me not long after he left me for OW saying: i`m on my way down to see DD can you do me a nice cup of tea with some biscuits please

Just like that

The once he came and said cup of tea please, i said no i`ve run out of arsenic sorry!

lou33 · 04/02/2008 13:53

oh cc huge sympathies

how did we end up with such nobbers?

mistressmiggins · 04/02/2008 20:57

when my ex left, he used to "use" the house & I went out for hours....then I realised it was confusing to kids & me
he then had to take them out

I used to make him cups of tea etc (bet he didnt tell OW/GF he was staying & playing happy families)

why do they think they can still be part of YOUR family when they've made their choice?

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