I would very much appreciate feedback as I'm very confused about what to do. My DD is nine and rarely has contact with her dad (entirely his choice due to ongoing mental health problems which he is receiving help for).
We have been separated since DD was very little. The confusion is around his parents. Since my DD was born they have chosen to have minimal contact with her. They live a few hours away from us and have only ever seen her when they make the trip to the town we live in for a few days each year to see their son (DD's dad) on his birthday. However some years they don't see her at all during this time and often it is a last minute desicion and they will ask to meet up with us the morning they are due to head back home for an hour.
They usually send DD gift cards for birthday and Christmas but in the last year this as arrived over a week late or not at all. They have in the past asked to speak to DD on her birthday but have not chosen to do so in the last couple of years.
Other than that we never hear from them. I have maintained a friendly relationship with them for the sake of DD but I honestly feel from their actions that they have never been that interested in having much of a relationship with her.
There have been ocassions in the past where would come over to see DD's dad, for instance to help him move to a new address across town, but would make no effort to take the opportunity to ask to see my DD during those trips even though we only live a five minute walk away.
In recent years when my DD and I have met up with them during their annual trip they promise everytime that she can stay with them during the summer holidays but then never follow through with the promise leaving my DD very disappointed.
This year my DD received her birthday card and present over ten days late from them with no phone call. I discovered on instagram that they had visited DD's dad that very same week during the half term holidays but had not contacted us at all to tell us they were in town and had gone back home without asking to see DD.
I know they had stayed a couple of days, walked around town and were literally a couple of minutes walk from where we live but incredibly had chosen not to see DD.
Yesterday evening I had an unexpected text from DD's step grandmother asking how we were and saying they had not been able to see us when they last came over because her grandad had injured his leg before the visit so even though they had been walking around town just around the corner from where we live and had seen her dad they hadn't been able to see DD for that reason!
DD's step grandmother then immediately phoned me when I responded with a polite text and told me that DD's grandad wanted to speak to DD. She sounded put out when I said that DD had already gone to bed so couldn't talk to grandad at that moment.
DD's grandmother made it clear that she wanted DD to talk to her grandad the following day and more than that, they wanted to now talk to DD on a regular basis! DD has had such little contact with them and had so many let downs from her dad's family that she is not particularly enthused in having regular conversations on the phone with them now.
I feel that they have not prioritised DD since she was born and it has been more about them than what has been best for her. I am also worried that they will continue to let her down. DD's dad grew up in a very dysfunctional household with two parents who were constantly fighting and had problems with alcohol which has contributed to his current mental health issues. What should I do in this situation?