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Original poster

Child maintenance query

20 replies

Aly321 · 28/12/2022 17:55

My husband left me with the two kids and is now living rent free at his mothers house. I have asked him to pay child support and he said I am scrounging for money off him and receive child benefit so shouldn’t be asking for more money. He says because we arranged for the kids to visit him throughout the week, he doesn’t have to pay anything. The arrangement is for him to have the kids 3 days a week on his days off. This would be from around 9am until 4pm. They return home and I’ll sort dinner then the bedtime routine out. He won’t be having them overnight. He feels this is a fair 50/50 split and doesn’t need to pay child support.

however, I am the one doing all the baths, breakfast, dinners. I have them most days. I have all kids belongings in my home so I am the one buying clothes and he doesn’t need to buy clothes at his house because he is not dressing them, they go to his house all ready dressed. I pay rent whilst he is living rent free.

He said if I go through child maintenance, he will stop seeing the kids. He said that he takes it seriously that I have “threatened” him with child maintenance and if I go down that route it will be my fault that the kids no longer see their dad.

I am confused. Is the rule that fathers do not need to pay child maintenance if they are spending time with their children a few days a week? He is the non resident parent and he doesn’t pay rent where he lives. Surely he should have to contribute or am I wrong?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 28/12/2022 17:57

He’s an arse and you’re well rid!
Calculate your CM here - it’ll show you what you’re entitled to. then put in a claim. You don’t need to even discuss it with him.

www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Anonuser456 · 28/12/2022 18:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

RagingWoke · 28/12/2022 18:03

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

IIRC it's based on number of nights the dc spend with each parent, 9-4 3 days a week isn't 50/50 and he's grasping at straws there.

Do the calculator PP posted to see what he should be paying and if he stops seeing the dc because he has to contribute then he's showing what a piece of shit he really is and your dc will see that when they're old enough.

Don't let him get away with shirking his responsibility to his children, whatever sad little fantasy he's trying to live now is not your choice or your burden- look after yourself and your dc, including making sure your loser ex pays his share.

HerRoyalNotness · 28/12/2022 18:07

It won’t be your fault he doesn’t seem them, it will be his. He’s trying to coerce you into not receiving money for the kids. Use CMS

SpinningFloppa · 28/12/2022 18:08

Just contact cms.

lunar1 · 28/12/2022 18:10

Contact CMS, he's the only one to blame if he doesn't see his children.

CiderJolly · 28/12/2022 18:14

Don’t allow him to manipulate you.

You know right from wrong and so does he and fortunately the law is on your side.

Put in the claim for maintenance, if he chooses to punish the kids by not seeing them that’s on him and him alone. Give him no more headspace. Keep communications in writing/text and save them.

3peassuit · 28/12/2022 18:19

Contact CMS. If and when he complains, refuse to engage with attempts to manipulate you. Do not let him get away with avoiding his financial responsibility.

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 29/12/2022 12:31

Of course he should be paying maintenance. Any deductions are based on overnights (which isn't always fair imo). However, your ex isn't even providing dinner!

gogohmm · 29/12/2022 12:34

If he was having them 5 weekdays including evening meal but then dropping them back to you for bed i would agree with him but he's not, 3 days not including evening meal is not 50/50!

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2022 12:35

Yes op. Of course he has to contribute financially to the children that are 50% his.
His threats are most likely empty, but if they are valid and he doesn't see his children, I'd consider this is a win for them since he clearly isn't a good role model.

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 29/12/2022 12:36

FWIW there are 168 hours in a week.
Your ex has your dc for approx 21 of them. You have them for 157.
So no where near 50/50

orbitalcrisis · 29/12/2022 12:58

What a moron. 21 hours a week isn't even a full day (1/7) let alone 50/50! I don't think not seeing this idiot is much of a threat either.

unicornsarereal72 · 30/12/2022 19:31

Did they sudden stop being his children?

Just say you will go through the proper agencies so they can make a decision based on the facts. And it will be out of your hands

If he refuses to see the children just say that is up to him. They will be available for you on x day at x time

And be a broken record. Don't get into it with him at all.

They do it to control you. And will threaten and shout. See it for what it is a toddler tantrum. And treat it as such.

Starlightstarbright1 · 02/01/2023 22:35

Put a claim in asap.. it won't br backdated.

If he doesn't want to see his kidsif hr pays maintenance then so be it

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 03/01/2023 20:08

You are not responsible for his actions. He's an adult. He is responsible for providing for his children. Go via CMS, which is based on nights not days. Keep record of his threats for later.

If he doesn't see them thats his choice but I imagine he will after a while. You say he lives with his mum? Won't she be upset no longer seeing her grandchildren?

Ultimately the kids are the only thing he has left to hurt you with. If you let him do it successfully now he'll keep doing it.

Original poster
Aly321 · 03/01/2023 20:16

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 03/01/2023 20:08

You are not responsible for his actions. He's an adult. He is responsible for providing for his children. Go via CMS, which is based on nights not days. Keep record of his threats for later.

If he doesn't see them thats his choice but I imagine he will after a while. You say he lives with his mum? Won't she be upset no longer seeing her grandchildren?

Ultimately the kids are the only thing he has left to hurt you with. If you let him do it successfully now he'll keep doing it.

You’d be surprised. Me ex parents do not care about these kids. They have never made an effort to see them. I have reached out to them to speak to their son to provide for his kids, they say it is none of their business. His dad said he can easily have more kids with another woman and doesn’t need my kids. They are vile

OP posts:
titchy · 03/01/2023 20:26

Kids should have people that love them, cherish them and want to spend time with them in their lives.

It doesn't sadly sound like their father or his parents are those sort of people - your dcs are worth more, so no great loss.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 03/01/2023 21:39

Aly321 · 03/01/2023 20:16

You’d be surprised. Me ex parents do not care about these kids. They have never made an effort to see them. I have reached out to them to speak to their son to provide for his kids, they say it is none of their business. His dad said he can easily have more kids with another woman and doesn’t need my kids. They are vile

Show quote history

If they're that vile, then let the contact drop of it does. Looks like you know where your ex learnt his behaviour from!

GentlemanJay · 03/01/2023 23:10

It all depends on who's house they sleep in.

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