Christmas Day is hard as a single parent

[SpinningFloppa]

Am I the only one who would happily wave their children off to the fathers for Xmas? Yesterday was just awful, I find being a single parent hard anyway but yesterday was something else, being the only one to cook and clean (kids refused to help) and then being expected to set up toys/ devices whilst also having to cook and clean, made me realise how bloody hard it is being the only adult. Kids argued constantly, the presents I got wasn’t good enough apparently, and they want more next year, I am so done with Xmas I would happily wave them off to spend it with their father next year and have a nice chilled out relaxing day on my own! he has never been interested in seeing them at Xmas and has never ever asked to.

Yes its hard every day to be honest! You are not being unreasonable! You often wish you could be two places at once/ do two things at once. For me am ten years in whats vexing me at the moment is being restricted and not being able to go out- and I don't mean dating just being able to go for a walk or pop to the supermarket without a massive negotiation.

yes I can relate to that, I honestly find it hard all the time despite people saying it gets easier, it just doesn’t. My ex gets to have a nice relaxing day at his sisters no cooking no cleaning no mess, I feel guilty saying I would happily share Xmas with him since so many single parents are sad not to have theirs at Xmas but I’m so sick of being the only one responsible for everything. I don’t even want to celebrate Xmas next year.

It's bloody hard, yes. I had my mum here too but she's physically disabled and can't help much so everything was on me. No way I'd want the dc not here though. I'm wiped out today and feel ill but I know they appreciate what I do for them and they do help when asked. Do your dc understand or at least know how it's hard being the only parent and that to make Christmas nice for everyone they need to pitch in and help? How old are they? I really think Christmas has brought it home to me just how much is on my head all year round in general because Christmas has seemed harder work this year. I'm sorry you're feeling crap

I agree op,I'm lucky that mine go to their dads at 3pm Christmas Day.
But the guilt kills me, it's quiet with it being just me, it's hard trying to create the family ambience,
The days afterwards are equally hard.
Wish we could not celebrate Christmas to be honest but that's not an option

I would want to split the day or alternate I know most don’t want to and I’m “lucky” in that sense but somethings got to give, I don’t enjoy it at all. It was easier when they was younger I guess and less rude / ungrateful, they wouldn’t help with any cooking kept making up excuses or saying in a minute , wouldn’t clean because it’s Xmas and shouldn’t have to clean at Xmas apparently 😒

I guess it depends what Christmas day was like when you were part of a couple. This was our 1st since their dad moved out. It was perfect. Peacfull and relaxed. It was a lot of work but somehow less stressful as I knew from the off it was just down to me. Today I get a few days to relax whilst they head off to the big, noisy celebrations with his family.

I get no days to relax he won’t have them at all, at least if they spent Xmas with him they could have a nice time without fighting or arguing as they do not behave badly for him and put on their best behaviour.

I'm sorry, yes that is really crap that he doesn't take them. My ex is a total perfectionist control freak. After years of trying to make everything look perfect, dress the kids nicely cook the perfect dinner in time with all the trimmings, make sure the house looks nice. Yesterday for the first time we just relaxed. Stayed in our jammies all day, didn't clean up, didn't have dinner on time in fact we decided to just have mash & gravy with pigs in blankets. That would never have flown with ex.

Yep.

I have had the easiest Christmas for a decade this year because my ex stayed from the 23rd till today.

Our teens have had a belly full of being carted out of their home, having their Christmas Day knee capped, not being able to relax/enjoy it etc and youngest DD is Autistic (so am I) so doesn’t cope well.

I was braced for the equivalent of having another teenager here, I couldn’t have been more wrong. He just cracked on doing what needed to be done, didn’t need any direction or instruction. Absolutely did half of everything without the mental load of me having to tell him.

I had no clue just how fucking awful I found Christmas as a lone parent until this weekend.

We’ve tried, over the last 10 years -

• One of us has them all Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day, other parent does Christmas over the NYE holidays
• One of us has them 23rd till 3pm 25th, the other 3pm 25th onwards
• Christmas Eve together doing something fun, one of us Christmas Day, the other then picks them up Boxing Day morning

None of it worked, none of it felt like fun.

Ask both your children what their favourite 3 things are that make Christmas 'Christmas' add your three favourite things to that list too. Then ask them to add the three things they like least.

Next year make sure you include all / most of those things but then let the other things go.

For us its:
Hot chocolate and bacon rolls for breakfast
Christmas songs
Presents
Christmas food and treats out in christmas crockery.
Board games after dinner
Being together

It turns out DD doesnt actually like roast turkey or roast at all really and would prefer to have cheese and crackers or a picky dinner of party food. So I treat us to a load of party type food from M&S (not our normal supermarket) which means I can stick it in the oven or even cook it before hand and we graze on it during the day.

Christmas is not about all the extras its about spending a nice time as a family which you cant do if you are stressed rushing around cooking and cleaning. Make a christmas for your family and throw away the ideas we are forced fed of big traditional Hallmark style christmases.

So much respect for you, honestly.

I’ve spent the whole day cleaning the house from top to bottom, alone. every time I’ve asked for help I’ve had an excuse as to why they can’t, yet wanted me to set up their Xbox and kept repeatedly asking for me to do it but wouldn’t help clean so I could do it. So I refused to do it today in the end. Being the only parent is just horrible.

So much sympathy OP.
Your latest tack is the only way - the kids have to realise that you are a person too.

This was my first Christmas alone with 4 children (aged 5-12) and it went ok but I did find it exhausting. Like you say, solely in charge of all the cooking and cleaning, building new toys, playing games etc.

To make it a bit easier, I decided to try to keep it relaxed and do things we hadn’t done at Christmas before such as staying in PJs all day. Also bought pre-made stuffing, gravy etc. I did a lot of the prep work after breakfast so it ended up being ok (not that they all ate their Christmas lunch but that’s another story!). I did intend to give them 1 job each (peel potatoes etc, which they do when we have a roast) but in the end, as they were playing happily I didn’t ask.

I really tried not to put too much pressure on myself. Normally I’d be frantically cleaning entire house if we were having guests but as it was just us, I didn’t have to go crazy.

Also, just did a no-cook buffet in the evening (well mostly no-cook, some oven stuff like sausages rolls) so that took the stress out of evening eating.

It was tiring though and I did miss having another adult there ☹️ Think I went to bed at the same time as the kids at 11ish!