Was nearly fooled into going round my parents for dinner tomorrow, but guess who else has had a sneaky invite?

[Pinkchampagne]

Ex H!!

Mum text yesterday to ask if I wanted to come for lunch tomorrow, and I was thinking of maybe taking the boys round for a bit as we never do much on a Sunday & I haven't been round to my parents house for quite a while.

Ex H has just turned up for the boys & said "Are you going to your parents for dinner tomorrow?"
Turns out he has been invited too & I knew nothing about it!!

They won't accept my new relationship, yet they try to set up situations where ex H & myself are forced together!

I am so angry!

Really don't think it would make any difference at all, MNLS.

God PC you would think they would give it a rest by now it has been a while after all.

You sound really well which is fab and I am really pleased about your new man too.

I am good and so are the kids. Things have rumbled on and I wont bore you or hijack this thread with the details but he continues to act like a prat and sometimes take things too far with the kids. My little one now sees social workers once a week for help with safety and keeping safe after he hit her again during a rough play session.

Blimey, GF, how twisted is that?? Her dad hits her and, rather than stop contact, they try to teach her how to keep herself safe. He has a history of hurting the children. How bad does the violence have to be before they say enough is enough??

Omg! I just cannot believe this!!

I realise that men can make firm attatchments to each other and that kids grow up, but ffs does your Dad not remember you being his baby girl? It really says something that he is happy to throw all that away over a bloke who does his decorationg for him. Your Ex H clearly didnt make you happy, seems so wrong that a father cannot accept that from his daughter!

So indignant on your behalf PC.

Only just saw this but also knew it was you straight away PC!!!

You could move a little further away though surely it wouldn't stop your ex seeing the dc.

at your ex, GF. Your poor DD.
Sorry things are still so stressful for you. You & your children have really been through it with that bastard ex of yours, haven't you?
Good to see you back on MN though.

Ex H is picking the boys up from school as I am nipping out with my new man (I will find a new name for him!), and mum has just rung to ask if I still wanted him to pick them up.
I said I did, and asked if he had contacted her & said there was a problem, and she said "No, he's here, just checking you still need him!"
Can he not just check with me himself??!! very bizarre!

do you have formal contact arrangements with you ex? Perhaps you should request them. I get on very well with my ex and have never needed them but I didn't have an insane father trying to get us back together..........

No, it's not bizarre. It's Ex-H controlling the situation again. He's letting your parents know what a kind, loving ex he is by "helping" you out - err, they're his children too.

I would speak to Ex-H when you see him and tell him that, if he wants to find out something from you, he can ask you directly and that he shouldn't get your parents to be messengers just so he can score brownie points with them. And tell him he's pathetic.

THis must be awful for you - it's obvious that your father doesn;t place any value on women at all, just thinks of them as property for men to pass around between them. By the sound of it your X is a misogynistic smug bully as well: no wonder they get on.
Of course, in some ways it's a good thing for an XP to be on civil terms with the rest of the family when there ae DC involved (being a co-parent is a different relationship to being in a couple with someone: co-parenting lasts forever) - but not when your feelings are being totally disregarded. THe letter idea is good, as others have said: you can get down exactly what you want to say to your dad without interruptions.

Hi freckle and PC (hijack sorry PC) and yes I agree. Dd isn't really enjoying the course either but it does teach useful things like staying safe on the internet as well. She still wants to see him and that is the problem. My other two have stopped all contact and so there isnt a problem any more.

PC your x has always twisted situations and a little like mine it becomes a case of living with that and working around it and not letting it get to you which I know is easier said than done. At least he is still targeting you and not the kids. The real thing though for me is that your parents are still playing his game and that is where I would go ballistic!

Have you ever really had it out with them and do you think it would be worth it?

Just seen this thread - and indeed, who else could it be but the Maddest Parents In The World. I think getting upset when you talk to your dad about this is exactly what he wants, PC. I think the only way you can 'win' long term is to not feed the drama. Don't discuss it, don't show you're getting upset by it (if possible, don't let it upset you). Your dad is testing your strength - well you've got plenty! Whenever it's getting too much for you, just sing "We shall overcome" (in your head - or out loud if you want to freak out your mum!).

Freckle's quite right about ex dh's motives for calling you. It's all about "I'm at your parents, they think I'm god's gift, they choose me over you" - well let them. They all bloody deserve each other anyway!

GF, your poor dd

Just seen this. Agree that the letter to your dad is a good idea.

Am so angry at your ex though! Why oh why doesn't he just politely decline the invitations! He doesn't have to be there, they're not his parents and he is causing you extra hassle by allowing your dad to continue to have such a close relationship with him. Buying him concert tickets and decorating their house - wtf!

Your ex is adding to this situation. Maintaining a healthy amincable relationship with your parents, for the dc's sake, is one thing. Acting like son of the year knowing full well it is driving a possible lifetime wedge between you and your father... it doesn't get much lower than that!! However much he loves them/they love him - they are your parents. Tough shit. He needs to accept that and back off.

(Sorry - angry head on today! )

Well exactly - PC's exH knows exactly what he is doing and that it is undermining PC's relationship with her parents. That's why he can afford to be so 'nice' to PC. IMO. He knows how badly PC's parents behave - he has commented on it many times - and he is milking it for all it's worth whilst making out he is the good guy.

PC - I think freckle's sugggestion is good if you can carry it off without showing that you personally are at all rattled. Or just decide to let them stew in their own poisonous juice, USE them for babysitting to spend time with people who are kind, nice and lurrrve you! Like NM! (New man is quite a sweet title, really!)

ah I see Blu - and totally agree that's obviously why he can afford to be so 'nice' to PC. bet he wouldn't be like that if her dad stuck by his own daughter and told him to feck off! like he should!

i'm trying not to let them see they have got to me at all. I have exploded with anger a couple of times in the past, and have ended up breaking down, but have only done that once or twice. Not in front of dad though.

I was very calm when putting my point across to mum last Sat. I didn't lose it or end up in tears, which was good. I was a bit teary after the conversation, but they didn't see that.

Think you have hit the nail on the head with ex H's behaviour, Blu.