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Original poster

Was nearly fooled into going round my parents for dinner tomorrow, but guess who else has had a sneaky invite?

66 replies

Pinkchampagne · 02/02/2008 12:56

Ex H!!

Mum text yesterday to ask if I wanted to come for lunch tomorrow, and I was thinking of maybe taking the boys round for a bit as we never do much on a Sunday & I haven't been round to my parents house for quite a while.

Ex H has just turned up for the boys & said "Are you going to your parents for dinner tomorrow?"
Turns out he has been invited too & I knew nothing about it!!

They won't accept my new relationship, yet they try to set up situations where ex H & myself are forced together!

I am so angry!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 13:08

I haven't tried to talk to him recently, BIWI, but then I guess I haven't seen him for a while. I have tried in the past though, and you get nowhere with him. My dad will never see that he is wrong & I have been seen as the one at fault in the whole separation because I instigated it.
On the occasions that I have tried to get my point across to dad, I end up horribly frustrated & often in tears!

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 03/02/2008 13:09

Well then a letter might be better - you can express your view/feelings in a calmer and rational manner without letting him get the upper hand or upset you.

So sorry this is still causing you such grief.

Blu · 03/02/2008 13:17

No, I agree that negotiating with your Dad is hopeless.

But you have stood your ground and refused to go for lunch today - which is good.

I suppose I mean just telling him what you will and won't do, rather than engaging in discussion and seeking his agreement - and then leaving it up to him.

He really is a bastard to prioritise his loyalty to ExH rather than the feelings of his own dd. He absolutely does not deserve you.

Sorry, PC

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 13:19

It has reached a stage where I haven't much else to lose, Blu, you're right. Was feeling very "Stuff them, it's their loss" etc just recently, but after the talk with mum last night, it really hit me that I seriously may totally lose my dad soon & it upset me.

New man feels terrible that it may come to that & hopes it doesn't. He almost feels guilty, but I have told him it wouldn't be his fault at all, but would be totally my dad's doing for not accepting I was entitled to get on with my life & be happy.
I am not trying to stop his relationship with ex H, so why can't he carry on his friendship with him, but accept my new life & my new man as well.

BIWI - a letter may be an idea as I won't have him shouting me down.

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Blu · 03/02/2008 13:19

It really shows how hard it is for us to cut loose our relationship with our parents - how much we need them, and how tough it is when they don't offere the love they should. Not particularly, youPC - all of us.

Blu · 03/02/2008 13:20

Your view of how it is your Dad's fault is spot on.

Talk about cutting off his nose to spite his face.

Hecate · 03/02/2008 13:25

So your dad won't accept your new man because he would feel a traitor to your ex, but he is happy to be a traitor to you, his daughter?

Nice man.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 13:41

Yes that's it basically, Hecate. Apparently he feels that it would push ex H over the edge if he was to accept another man that I was with. Ex H knows about my new man & is totally fine though!

Dad knows mum has now met new man & wanted to hear nothing about it.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 13:49

Mum says that she feels dad sees a lot of himself in ex H, which speaks volumes, doesn't it?

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Blu · 03/02/2008 13:52

LOL - he thinks that losing a relationship with you is survivable but that the adjustment to a relationship to a FIL is just too much for any man to bear!!!

He is so feudal - clearly women are chattels to be exchanged in marriage to enable men to bond with ach other and have patriarchal cabals.

And, as someone said - he doesn't have to cast exH aside - just accommodtae you and your life alongside - and at separate lunches - to his friendship / surrogate son set-up with exH!

But then, if your dad saw things from any normal sense of perspective, the last couple of years would have been less painful then they have been. I can see that you can't aply normal rules of logic and feeling to your dad.

Freckle · 03/02/2008 17:51

Perhaps you should say to your dad (through your mum if necessary) that you have noticed that he is prepared to lose his daughter in order to retain a relationship with his ex son-in-law. What a fantastic parent he is.

MrsPhilipGlenister · 03/02/2008 18:45

Blimey, pinkchampagne. Blu is right, "feudal" is the word.

Blu · 03/02/2008 21:18

I hope your lovely new man has been cheering you up today, PC.

(when can we stop calling him 'NM man, I wonder....is he now 'boyfriend' or 'DP'???? Although 'New Man' sounds suitabley dashing and glamorous, I think!)

Heated · 03/02/2008 21:33

I'm not up-to-date on all that's gone before, but if you have a good relationship with your ex-H, could he not have a word with your Dad? It must be awkward for him as well as you.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 22:04

I don't quite know what to refer to him as, Blu! Boyfriend sounds a bit naff to me, don't know why though, just can't get used to saying "My boyfriend!"
We have been together nearly 6 months, so I guess he isn't such a new man now, but it is maybe too early for him to be a DP!!

Heated - I was hoping ex H would speak to my parents, but I think he plays along with them a little. He has my whole family loving him & I think he wants to maintain that. He is appearing very understanding, but I don't trust him totally.

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 03/02/2008 22:06

How are you doing, MrsPG?

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idontcarewhoreadsthis · 03/02/2008 22:28

Hello PC,
from the sounds of it you've had a pretty stressful weekend yourself!
Couldn't think of anything worse.

mynaughtylittlesister · 03/02/2008 22:32

Oh PC when will they learn! At the end of the day its their lost not yours!

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 04/02/2008 15:48

I don't know if I'll ever get there with dad, MNLS. Think it was the realisation that he really won't budge & is prepared to pretty much put ex H before me, that upset me.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 04/02/2008 19:48

Pinkchampagne how are you? Its a long time since we spoke.

Sorry for the hijack.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 04/02/2008 21:02

Hiya, GF! I have been wondering where you were as I haven't seen you around for ages! How are you?

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MrsPhilipGlenister · 04/02/2008 22:08

PC, I am like the curate's egg - good in parts! I don't want to hijack your thread, but I will email you xx.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 04/02/2008 23:22

Hope you're ok. I was just thinking of you the other day as I haven't seen you about for a while, but then I haven't been online as much myself recently.
Will look out for your email.x

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Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 05/02/2008 19:34

Ex H was meant to have boys tonight while I went out with a friend, but mum has just been round to pick them up as ex H has gone out for a drink with my dad! She apparently offered to have them so that he could go out with dad as he has been helping them decorate again.
I don't have a problem with them socialising as such, but knowing how dad is, think all this extra bonding time will make him more anti ever accepting my new man.

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mynaughtylittlesister · 05/02/2008 22:03

PC!!!!! Do you think a big word in ex DH ear is in order? Cant you ask him to back down for a few weeks! Bloomin' men!