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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Tips wanted on meeting an internet date

26 replies

tetti · 01/02/2008 12:57

I know there was a thread on internet dating recently,but I'd like to ask you who's got experience of internet dating how you went about it all.
Basically,how long did you chat to the guy before you eventually met up,did he turn out to be a sweetie or a loony?!(lol),what did you do on your first date,and how did you combat your nerves?
What tips in general would you give to someone who's eventually going to meet up with a guy from a dating site?(this one seems quite genuine actually,and I did a sneaky search on the internet and he was indeed who he said he was!lol)

It's just that I'm a complete novice to this kind of thing,and any tips and hints from those of you who've been there,done that and got the tshirt would be great!:-)

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Tinkerbel6 · 01/02/2008 13:03

I internet dated once and I chatted to him for 4 months every single night up to 1 and 2 am and only then was I comfortable with the situation did we meet up, it didnt work out for me as I found that when it came face to face the conversations dried up and he come across as quite arrogant which I didnt pick up on before so I called it quits. I would say get to know him before you meet up and if you do make it somewhere central and open and maybe keep it short to start off with, good luck

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:10

Been there, done that, got the wedding dress....

Chatted a few weeks then met at the first opportunity, he seemed reasonably sane, went to the National Space Centre (because we are both very sad cool), not sure about nerves - I don't remember being nervous though I suppose I must have been.

Cyber-stalking in advance is very wise. Just do the usual safety things like telling someone where you're going, meeting in a public place etc.

Although my experience was good this is not universally the case so I would say try to reserve judgement until you're absolutely certain. Some people believe it is ok to lie on dating profiles and that everyone does it, other people are totally honest. Just like in real life.

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:11

Thank's for the advice.x
I think what drew me to this guy was that we have so much in common,and he never avoids any questions that i ask him,and if he asks me something,he'll also answer the same question himself,if you see what I mean (What do you do for a living,I work as an etc etc),so he seems pretty open,and seems to have a pretty good sense of humour too!:-).He's never skirted round any questions but seems pretty direct.
So far I'm getting a pretty good impression,but one never knows!

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Listmaker · 01/02/2008 13:13

I also chatted online for a couple of weeks, then on the phone once and arranged a date, got married last April!! He was nervous but I wasn't really! He was just totally genuine and seemed like a totally nice guy and he was/is!

I made sure someone knew where I was going, met in a public place etc etc. I only gave him my mobile number at first but not for long.

Good luck - it can work out!

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:16

Sounds like a pretty good start Tetti!
Does he live near you? Can you arrange a meet-up easily?

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ivykaty44 · 01/02/2008 13:18

If you do meet someone suggest a coffee shop near to an area you are familiar with.

By doing this you are meeting someone in daylight, for a short time - possibly and hour or so, and you can make an excuse to leave if you don't feel comfortable.

If you arrange a date in the eve it is more difficult to leave after say one hour and it may be dusk out side which may make you feel uncomfortable.

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:19

Wow Kathy,well done!Congratulations!

I hope one day I might have as good a story to tell!:-).I have weeded out the bad ones,but this guy...there's just something about him,seems to have a v likeable personality,just hope I'm right!lol
He's never met anyone from the internet before,so we are both totally new to this and are both pretty nervous about meeting up eventually!lol
He is really striking looking,and I thought-Wow,what's he doing on the internet?he doesn't need to go on there!lol.
But,we happened to go on for much the very same reason,we both look pretty much younger than we are,and tend to attract much younger people,and now wanted to meet someone round our own age who you'll actually have some interests in common with!lol

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:21

Oh yes, daytime meeting the first time - very very good idea.

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:21

We're thinking about going to see a movie we're both keen on seeing and then have a meal,but in an area we both know.We live in a big city so it's v easy to meet up in v public places.

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:22

Yes,daytime is a pretty good idea,or if not,early afternoon perhaps

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:23

He sounds very nice Tetti.
It is also a good sign that you have already weeded out the bad ones - you are not just choosing him because he is the only one, LOL!

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:24

Yes, movie + meal sounds good because you will have something to talk about!

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:29

He sounded so sweet,asked if,when we'd gotten to know eachother better,if he could take me out for a meal and go and go and see this movie,maybe?If I'd like to?.. One one condition though,he insisted,he'd pay!lol

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:31

LOL! I would always go dutch on a first date myself but there's nothing wrong with a man offering to pay

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:32

Yes,I told him I'd want to go dutch,but he wouldn't hear of it,lol

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:35

I like the fact that he's told me alot about his family(mum,dad,siblings,and stories about growing up),about his work,about his life etc,it gives you a much better picture of someone,doesn't it?

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Chopster · 01/02/2008 13:37

I think I was speaking to my dp for 2-3 weeks before we met up, on valentines day, nearly 5 years ago. We arranged to meet in a quiet public place - so we could find each other, but still be safe, and we went out to dinner. The kids were with a friend, so well out the way for the first date. On the second we spent time with the kids too, jsut introducing him as a friend.

It was nerve wracking, but I do believe that if you click with someone online it isn't much different in real life. I've met up with lots of friends that I've met online and they've all been pretty much how I expected.

oh and he paid, and sent me a gorgeous vase of roses which arrived the morning before we met!

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tetti · 01/02/2008 13:41

Awwww,that's soo sweet,bless!
I agree it can't be that different to meet someone online rather than in real life.
I think I know more about this guy,than the guy I flirted with for 6 months before dating him for 3 months.he was full of surprises,and not all good ones!(came across his website,he's a singer, and saw messages from all these women and changed my opinion of him in seconds!Not for the better I might add!)

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 13:48

Yes exactly, and depending on the kind of information there is online about them, it can be easier to find out about someone you've met on the internet than in RL.

When I first met my dh online he sent me a link to a friend's photos to show me a picture of his boat, and I found myself looking at holiday snaps of him and his friends for the last few years!

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tetti · 01/02/2008 16:50

When a guy is that open as your dh,then you know you've got a (rare:-) genuine guy with nothing to hide.
I really like the fact that he's as apprehensive/nervous as me about meeting someone you've met from a dating site and never met in real life,and that he hasn't had any dates like these before (so,not a serial internet dater!lol).
That gives me a better feeling about him in a way,because it means we're both in the same boat!lol

My mate went-Nooo,don't go for a meal and then the cinema,just go for a meal,what if you hate him?!.Well,I kind of get the impression that I won't hate the guy,lol,and I don't think that a going for a meal and a movie is that bad an idea..
Of course it's impossible to know what you'll think of a person until you actually meet them,whether you'll actually be attracted to them or not,whether there's any chemistry etc,but,I hope I don't want to run after 5 mins!lol

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Kathyis6incheshigh · 01/02/2008 19:42

Well, hey, if you hate him then you don't have to order dessert! A meal is not very long.

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tetti · 01/02/2008 21:11

Lol,well,he's very easy on the eye,so I can always stay schtum and just look at him!

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miniandme · 02/02/2008 13:58

Just thought id add my input here spoke to dp for about 4 weeks online /by txt/by phone before meeting up.
We went for food and the movie option,next date he met my dd, then later on ds's.
We got engaged about 3 weeks later and i gave borth to our twins 3 weeks ago!!!
He is my soul mate and me his we knew it as soon as we met ,so glad i waited 31 years cause he is worth every day of it !!

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tetti · 02/02/2008 14:02

Awwww!That gives me some hope:-),what a sunshine ending.
I thought I'd try this internet dating thing as my experience with the gorgeous toyboy left my heart a little bit bruised.
I'll put it down to his v young age and immaturity.And as I always seem to attract the younger guy I thought that by joining on of these sites,I could find maybe meet someone closer to my age,someone slighlty more mature,lol,and hopefully weed out the players before I actually fall for them!

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greeneyedgirl · 03/02/2008 14:13

Have done most of my dating through the internet to be honest. You do get a few oddities, but generally, all the men I have met up with have been fairly sane, nice people. I do chat to them before hand, usually on msn and phone if I can. I personally think the odds are better than chatting up guys in bars etc...yuck!

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