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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

How do you actually cope? Like really….

11 replies

Whatnext1234 · 30/11/2022 23:20

Since my H left a year ago, life has been so hard with 3 primary DC. He’s has contact about once a month (this won’t change so no point suggesting he steps up etc)

I work full time in a senior position. Although it’s stressful it’s a welcome distraction. Can’t reduce hours due to finances.

Its just so bloody hard juggling everything though. Others say I’m like superwoman but I’m just so unhappy and struggling. I am luck I have some family who help out at weekends. But midweek it’s like a hamster wheel, school runs, work, homework, cooking food that’s met with ‘urgh, that’s gross’ even though they’ve ate it before. I have friends & keep in touch but I can’t even be bothered seeing them half the time. Life just seems so monotonous, I’m not depressed but not happy. I’m just feel indifferent about everything.

any practical tips for surviving lone parenting? Do you actually enjoy your life?

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 01/12/2022 08:18

Many do… many say they prefer it and find it easier, I however am the same as you, I don’t. Honestly it’s very hard but my ex has no involvement at all (zero) and I don’t have any family help, I have 4 DC and it hasn’t got any easier (been single 5/6 years now)

Justmeandme19 · 01/12/2022 15:04

Hey xx I think you need to try and stop being Superwoman. Honestly the most important thing is that your all happy (counting yourself!).
Have a look at ways that can make your life a little easier. Eg maybe after school club for the children of child minders (I use 2). Maybe ask someone else to do the children's homework /reading what ever. Eg do they have a homework club??.
Get them to have hot school meals? this really helps as it takes the pressure if you.
It really doesn't matter if they don't read ever night or if they miss their homework. Honestly it's not a big deal. You don't have to be perfect and neither do they xxx

Jinglehop · 04/12/2022 18:23

I’ve been in similar position. Mine are 15 and 17 now. Foe two years things that helped me most were 1. Weekly Menu planning. Saved me having to think about food every day, which I hated. Also got kids involved so they felt like they had some choice and got less of the ‘that’s disgusting’ except see 2. 2. Slow cooker. We still reminisce about how everything I cooked in it tasted the same but it was lovely not to have to cook every night. 3. I ruthlessly cut out things that weren’t 100% needed. e.g ironing. 4. Bribery. Homework, household chores etc. My 17 year old will still hoover the stairs for a sticker. 5. Making a regular effort to do something social, for me as an adult. In the end though the thing that made me most happy was changing my job to one that was part time. We had literally £10 per week for a treat after food and bills and I didn’t buy any new clothes for three years but it was totally worth it.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 04/12/2022 18:31

I only have one son and family help for morning school runs, nothing in evenings or weekend.
I literally cry most weeks.

I dont do housework to save time, I literally hoover n crisis clean once a week and wash up every day. That's it.
Only way I stay sane. 'Ive just had a health scare in midst of a work promotion... So I've decided to outsource the cleaning to a cleaner from the new year.

You have got this but it does suck.

My saving grace is once a month I go out out with mates and pay a babysitter. Worth the money to me.

Ilikepinacoladass · 07/12/2022 19:33

SpinningFloppa · 01/12/2022 08:18

Many do… many say they prefer it and find it easier, I however am the same as you, I don’t. Honestly it’s very hard but my ex has no involvement at all (zero) and I don’t have any family help, I have 4 DC and it hasn’t got any easier (been single 5/6 years now)

I think people who say it's easier alone mean it's easier than being in a bad relationship. I don't think anyone would say it's easier doing it on your own than doing it with a helpful and supportive partner...

SpinningFloppa · 07/12/2022 20:25

Ilikepinacoladass · 07/12/2022 19:33

I think people who say it's easier alone mean it's easier than being in a bad relationship. I don't think anyone would say it's easier doing it on your own than doing it with a helpful and supportive partner...

Show quote history

Ah but they do! I seen it on here even a woman who was a single mum saying she is now happily married and has another child but it was “much easier being a single mum”’ and she misses it being just the two of them so yes people do from my experience 😣

Ilikepinacoladass · 09/12/2022 22:42

SpinningFloppa · 07/12/2022 20:25

Ah but they do! I seen it on here even a woman who was a single mum saying she is now happily married and has another child but it was “much easier being a single mum”’ and she misses it being just the two of them so yes people do from my experience 😣

Show quote history

Yeh, I guess it's simpler in a way just having to think about yourself and your children, as any relationship good or bad takes work. But logistically speaking surely much easier with two pairs of hands!!

MrsDooDaa · 16/12/2022 23:51

I'm in the exactly the same boat. I don't have any answers so just offering solidarity.

Houseplanthorror · 17/12/2022 00:02

Same here. The week days with 2dc and full time work feel relentless. Although I do have 1 weekend night free I am actually too tired to do anything and so am struggling to maintain friendships.

Nat6999 · 17/12/2022 00:39

You manage because you have to. The first winter I was on my own with ds was 2010 with the terrible snow, we were snowed in & caught flu, we spent nearly 2 weeks staggering downstairs every morning to collapse under duvets on the sofa, I felt very alone then. The good thing is you can do everything to suit you & dc, nobody to answer to, it does get a bit lonely when they have gone to bed at night but I used to go up at the same time as ds & watch TV or read in bed.

Greensky90 · 17/12/2022 09:06

SpinningFloppa · 07/12/2022 20:25

Ah but they do! I seen it on here even a woman who was a single mum saying she is now happily married and has another child but it was “much easier being a single mum”’ and she misses it being just the two of them so yes people do from my experience 😣

Show quote history

If you miss being a single mum I agree with the poster upthread it's likely to be a throw away comment. Because come on 2 heads are stronger than one finicially you have rent/mortgage to pay solely rather than halving, same with Council tax. These are just the main bills too.

School runs and picks ups. The only way it's easier in general is if your partner was not contributing to these things when you were in a relationship

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