Would you/have you moved away from family and friends? Debating what to do...

[SnapCrackleandExplode]

Sooo I'll try and make this as short as possible. Think bullet points might work here
Single parent to two (DS 10 and DD 2)
Live in Harrow in 2 bed flat on an estate. I really want to get out of here
Housing said they won't move me, don't have savings or a great job to save and buy by myself.
Have been contacted on Homeswapper for a 3 bed house in Southampton
I currently live 2 minute drive from my mum and most of my friends are close by

My dilemma is if I move to Southampton being away from them all etc
I'm good with making friends so not bothered about that as much but I'm worried about being down there "alone" and no support system if I'm unwell or something.

Just wondering if anyone has been in this situation and how they managed
I've been on loads of homeswapper sites and never had any luck so am quite interested in this house. I don't feel I will get to move otherwise.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Bump

This is something I would like to do as I don’t have any reason to stay in my area my family live here but we aren’t close and they don’t help with my children however my mum would have them in an absolute emergency that’s whats keeping me here as I would be worried about emergencies etc

That's tough personally I'd sooner have the support network. But I guess I it depend how much you hate your flat.

I think I’d rather my children were around family

I'm not sure if this will help but my DH and I live far away from my parents (different continent) and his parents (different city) with a 2 year old. Both work full time and it is very hard work without any parental support. We have lived in this city for awhile so have friends but they all have FT jobs and can't help with childcare. It is a nightmare and I secretly struggle everyday esp when he is ill and cannot go to nursery. Your children are older so I think it'll be less of an issue maybe, but it definitely takes a village to raise children. On a side note, I have lived in Southampton and it is a lovely place with friendly people and stunning towns nearby

I debate this all the time as currently live 30 mins from my only vaguely helpful family, but I’d rather live in a different place that would put me an hour away from them. The thing that stops me is having their help with childcare in the school holidays. If my son was older I wouldn’t have any reason to stay where I am.

I think don’t underestimate how much your happiness affects your household. So weigh that up against how much you see/value/need your family.

If it’s not right for you right now, other opportunities will come up. Things can change so quickly in life. Don’t compromise.

@Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink thank you. Yes it would be much easier if my 10 year old was a little older.

My mum doesn't want me to move but she has a partner and my brother is engaged with kids. I sometimes think they just want me around to help them and not vice versa.

I know things can change any time but I don't have much luck lol so thinking this may be my only chance to leave this area

It depends on how much help your family are.

Also research the area you would be moving to. I don’t know Southampton at all but live in a similar type and size of city and there are areas here that I would not want to live in.

@kitchensink is right: your happiness - or lack thereof - will hugely influence your children's lives. So for the sake of yourself and your children, you should take whichever trade off is worth it for you ie would you rather live somewhere nicer or be assured of support in a crisis? It's a difficult choice. Choose whichever matters more to you.

I’d stay near family.

I would be concerned that it isn't a nice part of Southampton.

I'd do it. Join everything you can. Hopefully meet somebody who is also a single parent who can help you out in an emergency. There's bound to be one!

I'd do it. I'm a single parent to two teens and yeh, in just two years everything will be easier for you. A 12 year old can hold the fort for 15 minutes. A four year old will be at school all day.

Good point.

Lots of family/parenting networks in Southampton Facebook groups - let me know if you want me to recommend some to you and you can ask some questions.

there are nice bits and not nice bits. But as someone in the vague area without any family connections it’s been fine. But then… I’ve never had family support, so I don’t know what I’m missing.

Depends how close you are to your family. I think I would choose to stay close unless I knew that I was moving to an area I really loved with great schools.

Lots to think about with these responses. Thank you everyone

@Squeezedsquash it's the Millers Pond area. Any idea what that's like...?

tried to pm you but didn’t work @SnapCrackleandExplode - it’s not an area I know at all well but you can walk down to the sea within about 15 minutes, great play park at mayfield, good transport. Secondaries are two oasis academies nearby, I think, which have had chequered history (but shiny new facilities). I know a little more there but best by pm. Woolston (has a high street, nearby) very popular with families. Have a look at The Southampton parenting forum on Facebook, but also the uk parenting forum was original Southampton based iyswim…

@Squeezedsquash ahh I see.

Well I'd love a pm if you can manage it. It's all I can think about right now. Should I shouldn't I?! and the swapper needs a reply as the last person seems to have strung them along 🤦🏽‍♀️